DEAR ABBY: I just realized I'm six weeks pregnant. I have always wanted to start a family and raise children with my fiance, but I have a big problem. I am an alcoholic and have been struggling with this issue for a few years. I don't know the effect this could have on my baby, but I know it isn't good. My fiance also drinks a lot, and our home situation isn't the greatest for a child because of it.

What can I do that would be helpful in my circumstances? I don't want to put my baby's life at risk. I tried AA in the past, but was unsuccessful. I'm afraid I'm destroying my family before it is started. -- TRAINWRECK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TRAINWRECK: You are right to be concerned. If you plan to have this baby, it's important that you find a gynecologist and quit drinking IMMEDIATELY! If you can't find the strength to do it for yourself, then do it for the sake of your little one.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

"There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol can cause problems for the developing baby throughout pregnancy, including before a woman knows she is pregnant. Drinking alcohol in the first three months of pregnancy can cause the baby to have abnormal facial features. Growth and central nervous system problems (e.g., low birth weight, behavioral problems) can occur from drinking alcohol anytime during pregnancy. The baby's brain is developing throughout pregnancy and can be affected by exposure to alcohol at any time.

"If a woman is drinking alcohol during pregnancy, it is never too late to stop. The sooner a woman stops drinking, the better it will be for both her baby and herself."

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, "Kendra," for four years. We're ready to take our relationship to the next level, but I'm starting to have second thoughts because of her mother. To put it simply, she's not a nice woman, and she doesn't have any friends. Her husband died a few years ago, which makes her very much alone. Her only social life is Kendra.

Abby, she thinks of me as a threat to their relationship, and she's trying everything in her power to break us up. She says negative things about me to Kendra and she's rude to me at all times. She says she will not give us her blessing if we decide to marry.

Because we live only 10 minutes from her and have no possibility of moving farther away, is it possible to have a healthy marriage with such a "cancer" in our lives? Or would our marriage be doomed from the start? Do I stay or do I go? -- UNSURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNSURE: Unfortunately, no one can make this decision for you. Much depends upon whether Kendra can recognize how unhealthy her relationship with her mother is and distance herself emotionally. While love can conquer almost everything, unless she can do that, and not allow herself to feel guilty for being happy, marriage to Kendra could be like competing in a marathon with one foot encased in a barrel of cement. I'm not saying don't do it, but pointing out that if you do, it will be a challenge.

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to "Tired of Talking to Myself" (Feb. 13), whose husband's ears slam shut when she begins to speak. This is not a problem that's exclusive to men. Women do it as well. As a retired PA (physician's assistant), when talking with patients, I would refer to it as selective hearing loss.

"Tired" needs to look at her own behavior because I have never seen one partner be the only guilty one. My wife can hear the ticking of the turn signal that wasn't turned off, but she doesn't always hear my questions or statements.

There are many reasons why it happens, but the way to resolve it is to listen when your partner talks to you. If you do, you will find that he/she returns the courtesy. Perhaps if "Tired" gives a closer look to her own behavior, she'll stop referring to it as a male problem. -- FRANK IN PORTLAND, TEXAS

DEAR FRANK: Thanks for your letter. When I asked readers for input, they heard me loud and clear and gave me an "earful":

DEAR ABBY: Focus is a strength for many men like me. I am a little hard of hearing and need to focus on what I am listening to. If you want open ears, hold my hands and make sure I am looking at your face. You will now have my attention. Tell me what you want from me. I want you to be happy and will do what I can for you. -- A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING (CHUCK)

DEAR ABBY: Some researchers say women speak about 13,000 more words a day than men do. There's a joke that explains it's because we have to say everything twice! -- JENNY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Men have no patience. They only want to hear a brief, straight-to-the-point version. Women tend to tell the story from beginning to end with every detail explained so nothing is misunderstood. When men hear us talk, they will say all they hear is blah, blah, blah. "Tired," if you try to be patient and use the abridged version, maybe communication will get easier with fewer repeats. -- HEIDI IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I wonder what kind of things she's saying to him. There's a saying I have found to be true: "Men marry women and hope they never change. Women marry men and hope they will change."

I have been married for 35 years and recently my wife has started pointing out every little thing I do that she thinks I should do differently. I have reached the point that when she starts one of her observations, I say, "Could you add it to your list and put it somewhere?" and that's the end of the conversation. Nit-picking does not make for a great marriage. -- TIM IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: There are three words men always respond to: sex, food and money -- not always in that order. Use one of those words when talking to them and you'll always get a response. -- BETH IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Meg," was sexually abused at the age of 3 by her father 25 years ago. "Emile" and I were divorced, but he had every other weekend visitation. After returning from one visit, she said, "Daddy put his finger in there. It hurt. I cried." Her words forever changed my life.

After we made countless trips to the children's hospital and numerous therapists, a judge allowed supervised visitation. It happened again, but Emile told the judge he was "putting medicine on her." He remarried shortly after and lost interest in Meg and her brother, "Ian," which was a blessing to me, but he'd visit with them occasionally.

Emile spent years belittling me and telling lies to the kids about me, but I stayed busy with two jobs and raised them by myself. Meg has no relationship with her father, but her brother does.

Ian is now expecting a child and knows nothing about the abuse his sister suffered. I have tried raising the subject with Meg, but she won't discuss it. I'm afraid if I tell Ian, it will cause a breach in our relationship and I'm not sure he would believe me. But how do I not tell him? Please advise me. -- WORRIED SICK IN LOUISIANA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: Sit your son and his spouse down and tell them everything. They need to know what Grandpa-to-be is capable of. Because it has been kept a secret for so long, it's sure to be a shock, so don't be surprised if they react with disbelief. If they want proof, show them any court records or other documents you may have. Whatever happens after that, your conscience should be clear, because you will have done your duty as a mother, and they will have been given fair warning.

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago I ran across an ad from a woman in prison who was looking for a pen pal. Having served time in the past, I know how it feels to be locked up and wanting contact with the outside world, be it friends, family, etc. I wrote her and she wrote back, and we exchanged pictures.

I am twice her age. I tried to get permission to visit her but was denied because I had served prior jail time. Our communication has been emails, letters and phone calls. I buy her things, and she is appreciative of everything I have done for her.

She says she wants to be with me when she gets out, which is not far off, and I'd love for it to happen, but I don't know how my daughters will react because she's their age. Right now it's friendship, but I know it could quickly evolve into love. I have prayed about it. All the signs keep saying we are good for each other. Abby, what to do? -- A GENERATION OLDER

DEAR G.O.: If you can, find out from the warden what the woman is incarcerated for. (Could it have been for conning people? Armed robbery?) Close your wallet and see how your "pen" pal reacts, because you may not be her only benefactor.

After she has been released, there's no guarantee your relationship will evolve into love. In fact, she could have a change of heart about committing to someone who's old enough to be her father. Please stop and look both ways before proceeding further.