DEAR ABBY: I'm on the verge of 30, and my fiance has a huge issue with the fact that I still cuddle with my mom. From what he says, his family isn't wild about it, either.

Mom has suffered a great deal of loss in her life. She has lost all of her immediate family (aside from her kids) to cancer. We were all caretakers for these family members, doing in-home hospice, and we have formed a unique bond.

My fiance has never even been to a funeral, so it's hard for me to explain this to him. Mom was born in a country in Europe where hugging and lots of affection are natural.

I live out of state, but when I'm home I will put my head on Mom's shoulder and cuddle with her while watching a movie. Sometimes in the morning I'll bring her a hot cup of coffee, put it next to her bed, and jump in with her and her dog. We joke, laugh, cuddle until we have to get up. Is this something I need professional help for, as certain people have had the nerve to tell me? -- AFFECTIONATE IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR AFFECTIONATE: It should be clear to you by now that you are engaged to a man who comes from a family that isn't comfortable with physical demonstrations of affection, and is quick to judge others. Treasure the closeness you have with your mother while you have it because, after she's no longer with you, that special kind of affection will be permanently over.

For your fiance or his family to suggest there's something wrong with cuddling with your mother, or that you need "professional help" because you do it, is both sad and wrong. Many people would find the relationship you share with her to be enviable, and I am one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old man dating a woman the same age. "Kelli" and I have been happily together for two years.

My sister's recent wedding prompted me to start ring shopping. My sister used this opportunity to come forward "on behalf of the family" to tell me marrying Kelli would be a mistake. She proceeded to spout off two dozen reasons why we shouldn't be together -- ranging from Kelli's lack of social graces to her haircut. Then she gave me an ultimatum to choose between Kelli and her.

Things have calmed down in the weeks since, but I am concerned my family will never trust my judgment and will mistreat Kelli. I have never been treated so well by a partner, and I don't want to lose her. Please give me some feedback. -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE IN MARYLAND

DEAR STUCK: To say that your sister's outburst was out of line would be an understatement. That she would demand that you "choose" between her and your girlfriend is ridiculous.

Because you are serious about Kelli, rather than regard what your sister said as a policy statement from the rest of the family, ask them how they feel about your girlfriend. Some may like her; some may not. But you should not decide whom to marry based on anyone else's opinion other than your own. They don't have to live with her; only you do.

P.S. Mature adults do not allow anyone to abuse their spouses.

DEAR ABBY: My son, a widower with two boys, ages 6 and 9, has just informed me that his 33-year-old girlfriend, "Karen," is pregnant and due in five months. He started seeing her three months after his wife died, and they have been an item for eight months. She has been staying at his house every weekend, and plans to move in with him soon.

Karen has never been married and has no children, so she will become a stepmom and a new mom in a short period of time. Neither my son nor Karen seems to realize how difficult it will be to bring a stepparent into this situation, especially with a new baby on the way. One of the boys will have to give up his bedroom when the baby arrives. I'm concerned that the boys will be overwhelmed by this, when they have not yet been able to effectively deal with the death of their mother.

I think this relationship has moved too fast and they are clueless about how all this will affect the boys. My son has told me I need to "get over it, it's his life and his kids." Is there anything I can do to help the boys process all of this and adjust to the new situation? -- WISE LADY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WISE LADY: Nowhere in your letter have you mentioned that the boys are depressed or acting out. They probably like Karen or the relationship wouldn't have lasted as long as it has.

It appears that in trying to be helpful you may have come across as negative or judgmental. If that's true, apologize to your son and suggest that if the adjustment becomes difficult for his boys, a family therapist could help to nip any problems in the bud. Then cross your fingers and hope it isn't necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. Half of his family are smokers. Every year, there has been a family gathering at his dad's house. Since the birth of my first child, smoking has become forbidden in that home.

This year, however, the party will be held at the home of another where smoking will be permitted. I can't handle smoke. It gives me a sore throat and I cough for a week after exposure. Because of my reaction and for the health of my children, I don't want to attend. (When we get home we have to immediately shower and launder our clothing to get rid of the smell.)

My husband is adamant that we should attend and bring the kids. He was raised around smoking and doesn't see what the "big deal" is. What can I say or do to convince him not to force me and our children to be exposed to the health hazards of secondhand smoke? Am I being unreasonable because it's only one night a year? -- HATER OF SMOKING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR HATER OF SMOKING: I think so. Much as you might like, you can't raise your children in a bubble. I would hate to see you isolate your children from their aunts, uncles, cousins and any grandparents who are still alive during their once-a-year holiday celebration.

If you would prefer not to attend because you can't stand the smell of the smoke, stay home. But do not prevent your children from knowing the family. Assuming they don't have health issues, one evening of exposure to cigarette smoke shouldn't be harmful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old single mom of two young girls. After my divorce, I returned to my hometown where my family is. I'm enrolled in school full time and set to graduate in two semesters. I have a 3.7 GPA, my girls are well-adjusted and well-behaved, and I have my own place. My mom primarily watches my girls when I'm in school, and I feel lucky to have her support.

The other day, Mom came into my room and opened my bedside drawer. Like most people, this is where I keep my most private things. She discovered that I had a pack of cigarettes and some marijuana. Abby, I don't smoke often, but sometimes when the kids are down and things are taken care of, I like to smoke a joint, watch some shows and fall asleep. I take care of my responsibilities, and I don't feel like an occasional joint impacts me negatively.

Mom now says she will no longer watch her grandchildren and doesn't want to see me again! I feel completely hurt, violated and disrespected. We said some nasty things to each other, and I can't help but feel like she is completely wrong for reacting the way she did. Any advice would be much appreciated. -- RESPONSIBLE (OCCASIONAL) SMOKER IN OHIO

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: Your mother overreacted, but she should not have been going into your drawer(s). Apologize for whatever you said to her in the heat of anger. (She should also apologize to you for snooping.) Make whatever arrangements you need for child care apart from your mother, and either quit smoking or do it away from your home.

Children are a lot sharper than they are often given credit for, and their sense of smell is particularly acute. In a few short years, they will recognize that Mommy "smokes," so quit setting a bad example. That way, when you tell them that smoking is bad for their health, you won't be a hypocrite.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for a year. Before we met, my husband posted pictures of his ex on his Facebook page photo album. I have asked him to remove them because I feel insulted and hurt. I don't think it's right his keeping them on the page now that we are married. I feel it's disrespectful to our marriage and inconsiderate.

We have been fighting over this, and it's ruining our relationship. Can you enlighten me about this? -- NO. 1 LADY IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LADY: I don't blame you for being upset. By now your husband should have outgrown the need to publicize his previous conquests. While your husband may be thinking that keeping the pictures up makes him look worldly, what it shows is his insensitivity to the woman he married, and I think that's sad for both of you.