DEAR ABBY: My younger sister lives at home with our parents. She suffers from a learning disability as well as some serious mental health issues that are under control. She is a bright, sweet person who -- with some help -- could become semi-independent. However, my parents have made no serious attempts to encourage this.

She graduated from high school 10 years ago and has sought no further education or employment opportunities. She spends most of her time in her room playing video games. I have tried to offer suggestions like volunteering or joining an organization. While this is met with polite positivity, it has inspired no action.

Our parents are getting older, and if my sister isn't able to live independently, the burden of supporting her will fall on me. I am not permitted to express how frustrating this situation is or how sad it makes me. I am shut out of the conversation, even though my future and the future of my own family is involved. I live far away, but keep in touch regularly. What can I say or do to encourage change? -- THE BAD SISTER

DEAR "BAD" SISTER: Your parents are doing your sister no favors by keeping her isolated and dependent. This is a conversation that needs to take place with them in person, rather than from a distance.

You and your husband should meet with them face to face. It's important that you understand what financial provisions they have made for your sister in the event of their deaths, and you should know exactly what your responsibilities will entail.

Years ago, one of my assistants was in a situation just like yours. His younger brother was mentally disabled and lived with their parents until their deaths. At that point, responsibility for the younger brother was left to the older brother.

The parents had assumed that the same kind of living arrangement would continue. However, the gentleman who worked with me understood that it would not be healthy for either of them, so he arranged for his brother to move to a group home. There he was able to participate in activities and, for the first time in his life, to make friends. If your sister doesn't have the skills to live independently, this may be the solution for her, too.

DEAR ABBY: I'm retired and living full time in my RV. During the summer months, more folks travel as I do, many of them with children. While I think this is a wonderful experience for families, some parents appear to forget that there are others in the campground and allow their children, regardless of age, to roam around unsupervised.

This can be dangerous because large vehicles may not see small children dart into their path. Also, while they might know their neighbors at home, you have no idea who might be parked nearby at a campground. This means that unless invited, children (and adults) should not cut through occupied sites.

Just like at home, common sense and courtesy will make camping a safe and enjoyable experience for everyone. -- MARGARET IN SIOUX FALLS

DEAR MARGARET: Amen! Thank you for the reminder to your fellow travelers.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for eight years. My ex and I are on civil terms and text each other a few times a week regarding our kids, mutual friends and general chitchat.

A few months ago, during a rough patch in my relationship with my girlfriend of three years, "Lily," I expressed my frustration in one of these texts. It was nothing horrible or unkind, just venting a bit. A week or so later, Lily was spending the night and I awoke at 2 a.m. to find an empty bed. I discovered her in the living room with my phone, surfing through my texts. She was livid about the communication with my ex, particularly the one in which I commented about our relationship, and stormed out.

I have no password on my phone and nothing to hide from Lily and told her so. I admitted that my ex was not an appropriate person to discuss our relationship with and apologized.

This has caused a permanent shift in our relationship on two levels: She is angry and suspicious regarding my communication with my ex, and I am having trust issues with her. I feel my privacy was invaded and wonder what else Lily has searched to satisfy her curiosity.

She has yet to apologize and feels justified in what she did. I contend that if she hadn't read the texts, especially in such an underhanded way, there would be no ill feelings. Am I wrong to feel this way or am I blame­shifting? -- DAZED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DAZED: You're not wrong, and you are not the one trying to shift blame. Lily is. I don't know what your marriage was like, but it appears you have replaced your ex with a suspicious and controlling woman. Red flag!

DEAR ABBY: I would like your opinion about something that's bothering me. I live in a senior housing complex in Massachusetts. Most of the residents are women in their 80s and 90s. (Some are also in their 60s.) A few men live here also.

One of the men sits on his living room couch with only his jockey shorts on. He leaves his door wide open when he does this. He seems not to care who sees him while walking by his apartment.

Some folks here believe it should be ignored and no one should look in while passing by. They say whatever he does in his own apartment is his own business. I believe that's true, but only when the door is closed. What do you think? By the way, he is in his 60s. -- BEFUDDLED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BEFUDDLED: What people do in the PRIVACY of their own apartment is no one's business. When the front door is open, it is no longer private. If the man's state of undress bothers some of the residents, they should bring it to the manager of the senior housing complex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 22-year-old son who has moved back home due to his relocating. His girlfriend of six months has done some suspicious and devious things. We have tried to overlook them, but the latest involves a car our son asked us to sell her because she was in a bind because of some stupid financial decisions she had made.

We felt sorry for her, so we sold her the car for LESS than half of what we could have gotten on a trade-in since we were going to purchase a newer car. Now, one month later, she has taken the car and traded it in on a different one, no doubt gaining the extra equity. I'm angry to the point that I no longer want her in my house. Are we wrong to feel taken advantage of?

I would add that we have always tried to help our only son as much as we can. The result has been that we have been taken advantage of or not treated the way we think a son should treat parents who are not exactly well off. Please don't reject this letter as your advice is really needed. -- STEAMED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STEAMED: It appears your only son and his girlfriend may be birds of a feather. Both have taken advantage of your kindness and generosity in one way or another, and you have every right to be upset about it.

While you can't do anything about the past, that doesn't mean you can't open your eyes and watch out for yourselves in the future. If your son is planning to move the girlfriend in with you, put a stop to it now. If you don't, I predict you'll be taken advantage of as long as they're under your roof and until they move out -- which may not be for the foreseeable future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about something you don't hear much about anymore. Do people still have mortgage-burning parties? If I had a party, do you think guests would feel like I was bragging because I have paid off my home and they haven't? Any advice would be great! -- JUST HAPPY IN MARYLAND

DEAR JUST HAPPY: Congratulations for having paid off your mortgage. However, unless your guest list is short and includes only people you are very close to, I'm not sure it would be appropriate to throw the kind of party you describe for exactly the reason you mentioned.

DEAR ABBY: My family doesn't seem to approve of my taste in who I date. I prefer to go with older guys, but I'm 14. My parents actually reported my last boyfriend to the police when they found out his real age. I am now with another guy in high school who respects me, but my parents don't approve of him either. What should I do? -- CONFUSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR CONFUSED: Start concentrating on school, sports and group activities. In other words, wait to date until your parents agree you are old enough and you can find someone of whom they approve.