DEAR ABBY: My former spouse and I are divorced and share a 3-year-old daughter. Soon after the baby was born, my ex came out as transgender and now lives as a woman.

I have always been supportive of her transition, adopting her new name, feminine pronouns, etc., but now she wants something I'm not comfortable with. She wants our daughter to think she is her "second mommy," not her daddy. She doesn't want any association with being her biological father, and won't even acknowledge it.

It would be one thing if we actually were a same-sex couple and the father was a random sperm donor, but my ex actually is my daughter's father. All this so my ex can live in a fantasy world? This is causing a lot of tension between us. Am I right? Or is it OK to tell your kid a flat-out lie about who her dad/second mom is? -- THROWN BY IT IN OHIO

DEAR THROWN: What does your ex plan on telling this child when the question, "Where is my daddy?" eventually comes up? I do not advise lying. The truth always has a way of coming out, and believe me, it's only a matter of time until this one does. Better your child not be caught flat-footed when it happens.

Your daughter should be told the truth in stages and in an age-appropriate manner. PFLAG can help you to figure out how to do it. It can be contacted at pflag.org or call 202-467-8180.

DEAR ABBY: A close female relative hosts "parties" quite often. When she sends the menu for each of us to choose what we would like to make, she states that all the recipes must be dairy-free, cheese-free, butter-free and soy-free. She is the only one among us who is on a special diet.

I agree that a few of the dishes should cater to her needs, but all of them? It really limits what we can make and inhibits some from bringing their "specialty." Some of us feel she's behaving in a very self-centered manner and that it's wrong because she's drawing all of the attention to herself.

Isn't expecting 30 people to eat at the party based on her diet too much? She sees nothing wrong with it. When I invite her for dinner, I prepare something for her, but the rest of the meal is for the entire group. What is our answer here? -- LIMITED IN THE EAST

DEAR LIMITED: If others feel the way you do, the answer is to tell your relative the truth -- that what she's asking from her guests is too much. Her behavior does seem excessively controlling. I can see her asking a few guests to prepare something taking into consideration her dietary restrictions, but frankly, I'm surprised so many people have been willing to continue to participate in these potlucks. From where I sit, they're a lot to swallow.

DEAR ABBY: Do I have the right to respectfully, tactfully and straightforwardly ask my children's father to leave his mistress/wife home during our son's joint birthday party? -- HOPING FOR A YES

DEAR HOPING: Yes, you do. And when you do, hope that he will respectfully, tactfully and straightforwardly comply -- but don't bet on it.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my sister mailed me a long letter detailing her resentment for me and our lack of closeness. She said she wanted to have a relationship. After reading it, I reached out to her and thanked her for her openness. I agreed that I, too, would like to be closer.

I am eight years older than she is, and we live in different states. Growing up, our mother didn't take time to foster our relationship. I'm now married and have a baby. She's going her way, too, beginning a new career.

Lately our relationship has become one-sided. I'm almost always the one to initiate a phone call or message, and when I do, she doesn't always respond. When we talk, I ask her about herself, and that seems to be the focus of conversation. Or we talk about my baby.

Our relationship doesn't feel genuine to me. I feel obligated to call her, but she doesn't reciprocate. Must I keep this up because we're family, or should I tell her how I feel in the hope that our relationship could become a two-way street? She's sensitive, and I'm worried that if I bring it up it will make things worse. -- STRUGGLING SISTER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STRUGGLING SISTER: It's all right to tell your sister that when she doesn't respond to your calls or messages, it's hurtful. But rather than say you feel the relationship has become one-sided, which could be interpreted as a criticism of her, explain that you realize both of you are busy people. Then suggest the two of you agree to schedule a call every month or so to catch up. If she truly wants the relationship she requested, it shouldn't be too much of a burden for her.

DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from "Grossed Out in Florida" (Feb. 6) and your response, regarding people who blow their noses at the supper table, especially older people, you need to be more understanding. Many older adults suffer from what is called "gustatory rhinitis," or a runny nose brought on by eating hot or spicy foods.

These people exhibit a profuse, watery nasal discharge when eating that is made worse by emotions, alcohol, temperature and strong odors. It is not something they can control. And as much as most would prefer to leave the table to blow their noses, they would not be able to eat much if they had to keep leaving.

It is hard enough to get some elders to eat an adequate diet without insisting they excuse themselves every few minutes to blow their noses, and just "tiny dabs with a tissue" would be totally inadequate to control the flow. Please, folks, show some compassion and just look the other way. -- R.N. IN NAPERVILLE, ILL.

DEAR R.N.: Thank you for that useful information. I received numerous letters in response to that column from seniors mentioning "gustatory rhinorrhea" (along with allergies) as the reason they blow their noses at the dinner table. Not a day goes by that I don't receive a letter about nose-blowing, so I'm hoping your letter will educate readers on the subject, as it did me.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a runner in a law firm, which means I do pickups, make deliveries and do any other out-of-office tasks the lawyers or other staff need. Part of my job involves picking up lunch for the office.

Sometimes the office manager will give me cash from the firm account to pay, other times the lawyers give me money out of their pockets to cover it. Whenever I pick up and pay for these orders, the cashier/waiter is usually expecting a decent tip (especially when there are large orders). I am instructed to tip 10 percent -- no more.

Personally, I believe in being more generous because I know how poorly restaurant workers are paid. However, because the money is not mine, I must tip only what I am instructed to. Sometimes, depending on the order, this results in a very poor tip.

How can I let the cashier know that I would tip more if it were my money, but I can't because it's not? I know just saying "I would if I could" doesn't help them much. -- RUNNER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR RUNNER: Your bosses don't tip more than 10 percent because they are getting takeout, not table service. You should not feel embarrassed or apologize for them. If you are wise, you will say nothing, because to do otherwise will make it appear that you think your employers are cheap -- and word travels.

DEAR ABBY: I'm taking my son to a concert because he likes this artist. It's someone who probably won't ever perform here in south Texas again, but my new wife is giving me hell for going.

I'm always doing things with my wife and stepson anytime she wants me to take him along -- which is often. I rarely do anything with my son. Because I'm always working, I see him only every other weekend. It's our only time to bond. He will be 17 this year, and I don't know what will happen after he turns 18. -- BONDING IN TEXAS

DEAR BONDING: Draw a line in the sand. Do not allow your new wife to dictate your relationship with your son. He may be turning 18 next year, but age has nothing to do with it. He will always be your son. If you nurture the relationship and let him know that he is loved, it should last forever.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30 years old and have been in love with my best friend since childhood. I'm afraid if I tell her how I feel, I'll lose our friendship. Should I take a chance and tell her? -- SHY LESBIAN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SHY LESBIAN: Yes, tell her how you feel. If that's the end of your friendship, it would be better for you than what you're experiencing now. If your friendship is strong, it should survive even if your romantic feelings are not reciprocated. If your friend doesn't share your feelings, you will then have to decide whether hurting inside the way you are is emotionally healthy for you.