DEAR ABBY: I'm a mother of three beautiful little girls. I'm nervous about having to talk with my oldest about puberty and sex. She's turning 10, and I know I need to start explaining certain things to her, but I have no idea how. My mother never sat me down and talked to me about anything, really, so my mom would not be of much help. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- MINNESOTA MOM OF THREE

DEAR MOM: You can spare your daughter a frightening experience when her first period arrives if you start talking to her now, before it happens. Start the conversation by making the message positive -- that she will "become a woman" soon and tell her what to expect. Show her what to do in case you are not there and what supplies she will need to take care of herself. That's step one.

A short time later, ask her what she knows about reproduction. Because reproduction is taught in some schools, she may surprise you by how much she already knows. If she doesn't, start talking to her about how her body works and your family values. It is important that parents also talk to their children about drugs and alcohol well before they start to experiment. My booklet "What Every Teen Should Know" covers sexuality as well as other topics, including dating, peer pressure, sexually transmitted diseases, drugs and alcohol. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Order it for yourself and review it before starting your discussions with your daughter. My Teen booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices as well as by educators and religious leaders. The more information you can provide your daughters, the better prepared those girls will be to make informed choices in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my girlfriend for seven years and, for the most part, our sex life is great. However, we've had disagreements when I suggested ways to spice it up.

I proposed costume/role play where she would dress up as an elf or other fantasy genre character. She hates the idea (and elves) and suggested lingerie (which I have bought for her in the past, but gets worn once or twice before being thrown away). I don't think my suggestion is outrageous compared to some of the letters I've seen in your column over the years. Am I wrong for thinking she's being closed-minded? -- COSPLAY CURIOUS IN CALGARY

DEAR "COS": It strikes me that your girlfriend may be more clothes-minded than closed-minded. It's a fact of life that some people are more sexually adventurous than others. Because she finds the idea of dressing as an elf unappealing, choose another fantasy figure you can agree upon.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went on a trip with his brother and his wife recently. Three days into the trip, while we were having dinner at a restaurant, my sister-in-law yelled at me, "Shut up! You talk too much!" I was stunned. Then my husband said, "I agree with her." Words cannot express how surprised and hurt I felt.

I do sometimes talk a lot when I'm excited, but no one has ever said this to me, certainly not my husband. The next day I felt very angry, especially at my husband for siding with her against me in public. I asked him to please tell me when we are alone if he has a problem with something I said or did, rather than embarrass me. I feel betrayed and angry. What should I do? -- ANGRY AND HURT

DEAR ANGRY AND HURT: Your feelings are justified. Your sister-in-law may have been frustrated at your verbosity, but she should not have attacked you at the dinner table. Her "helpful criticism" should have been offered privately and in gentler terms. The same is true about your husband, who should not have ganged up on you. What he did was hurtful, not helpful. Both of them owe you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I had a party. A very good friend of mine came with her 4-year-old daughter, "Emma." It grew late and my friend wanted to stay for a while, so we put Emma in our bed to sleep (the guest room was unavailable).

After going upstairs to get Emma later in the evening, my friend came downstairs with Emma and told us that the child had wet our bed. Not wanting to make Emma feel bad, we said it was no problem.

My friend did not strip the bed, offer to wash the sheets, or anything. She hasn't mentioned it since, and didn't follow up to make sure we were able to get the urine out of our bedding and the mattress. I find this to be incredibly rude and inconsiderate, but at the same time, what's done is done and there was no lasting damage. Should I say something to my friend, or let it go? -- ACCIDENT IN THE BEDROOM

DEAR ACCIDENT: Let it go. You should have spoken up about your true feelings when the accident happened. In the future, consider purchasing a moisture-resistant mattress cover for your bed and the one in the guest room in case of "accidents." It may reduce the "ick" factor if you're squeamish.

DEAR ABBY: I have gone to my hairdresser, "Adrianna," for regular haircuts -- nothing fancy -- for about three years. However, I've heard about another shop nearby that gives haircuts for half the price, and they seem to do a good job. Would it be disloyal of me to leave my current hairdresser? -- HALF THE PRICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HALF THE PRICE: Adrianna would probably feel that way, but you are free to give it a try. However, I'll offer one caveat before you do: People usually get what they pay for, so don't burn any bridges.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a 55-plus community. I am younger than my husband by 10 years, so I was 49 when we moved here. We have lost 49 neighbors during the past five years -- yes, seriously. Others are in nursing homes with no quality of life.

While walking my dog yesterday, a neighbor stopped me. She was standing in her driveway crying and nearly hysterical. Her husband has been in a nursing home for three years. He doesn't know what is going on or who she is. She told me that she visits him every day, but she cannot stand it anymore. She said she wants to kill herself, but isn't strong enough to do it.

They are in their 80s and had a wonderful 50-year marriage. He is not on life support, but has just been lying there for all this time. What can she do? What can I do to help her? -- LISA IN FLORIDA

DEAR LISA: Your poor neighbor was having an awful day. You already helped by listening to her and allowing her to vent. However, she needs to be able to do a lot more of it, and a way to help her further would be to suggest she talk to a doctor who specializes in the needs of older patients (a geriatrician). There may be a support group in your 55-plus community she could join, and she should be encouraged to do more for herself than she has been.

If she doesn't know of a doctor to consult, ask your physician if he/she knows someone who is good. Doctors usually refer patients to doctors at their own level of competence. She could also inquire in the facility her husband is at and ask about support groups there as well.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Allen," is 27 and a pretty good writer, mostly fantasy stuff. I don't like that genre myself, but I have enjoyed reading some of his work. He writes not only short stories but also entire books.

I have tried to convince him to submit his work to publishers to no avail. He has a college degree, but doesn't use it. He's content working a minimum-wage job when he could be doing what he loves and possibly make a living at it. Oh! And he still lives at home and does very little work around the house. Advice, please? -- FRUSTRATED FATHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED FATHER: Has it occurred to you that your son may be in a comfortable rut? I assume you have already spoken to him regarding his lack of ambition. While his job may not be what you think he's capable of doing, it may allow him the time to write. He may hesitate to submit his work to publishers because he's afraid rejection would be too painful.

Not knowing your son, I can't guess his reasons for living the life he has chosen. However, if what's really bothering you is the fact that at 27 he's still living at home and not helping enough around the house, that is fixable. Explain what you expect of him if he's going to continue to stay there, and if he doesn't live up to his responsibilities, tell him he will have to leave. It's your home and you have a right to be assertive about what goes on in it.