DEAR ABBY: When I was in my teens, and even into my 20s and 30s, I was a Plain Jane. I had little self-confidence. But strangely, I'm one of those people who has gotten better looking as I've aged. Now in my 50s, I am better looking than many women my age or even younger. Men definitely notice me, and I love it.

My problem is, I'm now obsessed with my appearance. I constantly worry that I'll lose my looks. I have even considered cosmetic surgery. I don't want to be the shallow person I see I'm becoming. What can I do? -- LATE BLOOMER

DEAR LATE BLOOMER: There's a saying, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." What it boils down to is, time takes its toll on everyone.

It isn't shallow to have the feelings you are experiencing. But please remember that beauty is more than what's on the surface. Perhaps it's time to start concentrating on qualities that accentuate your inner rather than external beauty -- kindness, warmth, intelligence, generosity, an appreciation for the value of others -- because charm lasts longer than beauty.

This is not to say I don't appreciate the value of cosmetic surgery, which can do wonders for a person's sagging ego. But your appearance should not be the focus of your life because, frankly, it isn't healthy.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from "Military Service Marker" you printed on Dec. 22. When my uncle, a military veteran, passed away, he was without a military service marker, too. His two kids (my cousins) didn't bother to obtain one, probably out of sheer laziness.

Feeling that it was important, I took the initiative and contacted the VA myself. I obtained the record of his honorable discharge (form DD 214) and his death certificate. I filled out the appropriate paperwork and my uncle got the marker to which he was entitled free of charge. It was delivered directly to the cemetery, and the only cost involved was the installation. It was well worth it, and I have never asked my cousins for a dime. I felt proud about having done something for a deserving vet! -- BILL B. IN MISSOURI

DEAR BILL: My thanks to you and to the scores of other readers who wrote to share this information with me. It is important to know that relatives of deceased military veterans can receive these military markers at no cost. Starting the process is as easy as contacting the cemetery, the VA at www.cem.va.gov/hmm/, or a local VFW or American Legion post for assistance.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice on whether to contact an old friend who backstabbed me years ago with my former business partner. I'm trying to get back into the field, and this old "friend" is doing well now. He has a lot of contacts that could help me start my own company. I'm not sure if I should contact him because of what he did to me. Should I? -- UNCERTAIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Frankly, I think it would be a waste of time. Leopards don't usually change their spots. If you expect someone who backstabbed you once in business to become generous and helpful, you are dreaming. Find another way to network that he can't "taint," because if he can, he will.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for four years. Despite being almost 30, he is very immature and constantly distracted by either his phone or his video games.

Abby, he travels with his PlayStation everywhere he goes. When he comes into our house, he sets up his console in the living room, puts on headphones and plays games all day and night. If the family asks to use the TV for a few hours, he will sit on the sofa and take a nap or pull out his phone and continue gaming.

I know nothing more about him than I did the first month I met him. He is rude, boorish, self-centered and has a criminal record (drugs). They live in another state, and for my daughter's sake, I try to accommodate him. When I asked for them to "visit us, not our TV," she became very defensive.

Is this the new norm? Must I provide a TV in their room for when they stay? When they went to visit his family who live near us, he took the system to their house for the three-hour visit.

How do I deal with this addiction? My daughter now wants to bring him along while we have our mother/daughter lunch and manicures. It's like he's 3 and has to tag along. He has no friends. When she goes out for a night with her girlfriends, we are expected to "baby-sit." I've never encountered anything like this. Please advise me. -- DONE MOTHERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DONE: I'll try, but first you will have to admit your part in creating this problem. You have to learn to say no to your daughter and her "boy"friend. If you want to watch television for a few hours during their visit, remember it's your home and you don't have to apologize for it. If you want a mother/daughter lunch and manicures, and she wants to drag him along, say, "No, this is our mother/daughter time. An hour or so alone with you is not too much to ask."

The solution to your problem is to stop allowing your daughter -- and her socially inadequate boyfriend -- to dictate what's happening under your roof and in your life. Until you put your foot down, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: By coincidence, I have a niece and nephew who will be graduating at the same time this spring. My nephew is getting a degree from a four-year college. My niece is getting a beautician's license from a high school/trade school. She has no plans to attend college.

I will be giving them both graduation gifts, but should the amount be based on their level of education, or the fact that they have both completed their educations?

I don't want my niece to feel slighted. She chose a profession she loves but does not require further education. I also don't want my nephew to feel slighted because he worked longer at far greater expense. -- UNSURE IN THE EAST

DEAR UNSURE: If you are worried that your niece and nephew will compare your gifts, give each the same amount. What these gifts memorialize is not the money that was spent on their educations, but rather that they have both attained the level of education for which they were working.

DEAR ABBY: I've recently started seeing someone, and we have shared a wealth of information about ourselves with each other. When I asked him his last name, he said it was "Erickson." When I asked him if he had a middle name, he responded that he didn't.

Soon after, I saw his driver's license. It had a completely different last name from the one he gave me, and it turns out he does have a middle name after all. Now I'm starting to question everything he told me, and I'm afraid he may have lied about even bigger things.

What reason would he possibly have to lie about such a simple thing? And how should I confront him about it? -- JUST PLAIN CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: The reason someone would give false information is usually because the person has something to hide. Unless "Mr. Erickson" is in witness protection, my guess is he is married or has a criminal record he doesn't want you to discover. Rather than confront him and be lied to again, run in the opposite direction and cease any further contact with him!

DEAR ABBY: I am an avid fisherman with limited boating knowledge. Recently, a friend bought an older used boat that has questionable integrity. He keeps inviting me to go out on it with him, and I'm running out of excuses not to.

The real reason is my friend is inexperienced and the boat is unreliable. I don't want to be stuck out in the bay in a boat we can't fix. What's the best way to handle this? -- LEERY FISHERMAN IN TEXAS

DEAR LEERY: The way to approach it would be to tell your friend the truth. Ask if he has taken a boating safety course, and if the answer is no, suggest he do it -- or that you do it together.

As to the integrity of the vessel, ask your friend if the boat was inspected at the time of purchase, and if it wasn't, urge him -- for everyone's safety -- to have it done.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has two children, a 7-year-old boy and a girl who is 4. They were at an event with some of her co-workers the other day. Everyone was talking to the younger child, telling her how cute she was and ignoring the older one. It was like he was invisible. He was so deflated.

I remember this happening with my girls when they were little. People always seem to gravitate to the little ones and pay no attention to the older ones. It has always bothered me. So, people, please be mindful of all the children. They are all precious. -- BOTHERED GRANDMA

DEAR BOTHERED: You're right, this happens all too often. In a case like this, all it would have taken would have been for someone to have complimented your daughter on her son's behavior and said within earshot of the boy how lucky the little one was to have such a "good boy" for an older brother. I hope you spoke up. It takes only a moment to say something nice to someone of any age who needs the attention.