DEAR ABBY: I am in my 30s and moved out of my parents' home 10 years ago. Last week I decided to visit them, and we went out to eat. Dad has a habit of sending his food back to the kitchen -- "My steak isn't cooked enough," or "My food is cold. Could you warm it up?" He even does this at restaurants that aren't fancy.

Dad has done this my whole life and he's in his 60s. It's embarrassing for me and Mom, and it frustrates the cooks and waitstaff. Is there a polite way of telling him to stop this behavior? He takes any criticism personally. -- EMBARRASSED IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You are certainly free to tell your father that this habit embarrasses you, but after all these years, you and your mother are not going to change him. Restaurants are in the hospitality business. If your father isn't satisfied with his food, he has a right to ask that it be served to his liking, and most restaurants will gladly comply. We are not responsible for the actions of other people, and because of that, you should not feel embarrassed about something over which you have no control.

DEAR ABBY: Last year for my birthday, my husband asked me what I wanted for a gift. I told him I would like flowers once a month for one year. He's been pretty good about it. But I complained about the way I receive them, which is, when we are driving home in our truck (we work together) and it's nearing the end of the month, he'll pull into the parking lot at the grocery store, run in, come back and hand them to me. He always picks out a beautiful bunch, but my complaint was that it's never a "surprise." He says he can't decide if I'm ungrateful or a spoiled brat. What say you and your readers? -- GRATEFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRATEFUL: Your mistake was in not clearly specifying that what you wanted was a bouquet in a vase from a florist. However, because you also told your husband you wanted flowers once a month, I fail to see how they would in any way be a "surprise." He has been giving you what you asked for, and you shouldn't look a gift husband in the mouth. I'm not going to name call, but shame on you.

DEAR ABBY: People in nursing homes or at home -- ill, incapacitated or retired -- still need social contacts. In our busy society, these folks are often forgotten, and it is hurtful. We will all get there someday and will fully understand how important an occasional phone call or greeting card can be. Please ask your readers to make a note on their calendar as a "reminder." If they do, someone will be very grateful for the kind gesture -- most likely the recipient -- but it may also be their family members. Kindness goes a long way. -- REMEMBERING IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR REMEMBERING: You have a caring soul. Your message is an important one, which is why I am sharing it with my readers. I know most of you are busy people, but a simple gesture can make a world of difference to those who may be isolated.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the man who wants to keep his cancer prognosis secret until he nears the end ("Keeping It to Myself," Jan. 11).

My mother was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer that had spread to her brain. Her dizziness is how we found out. She didn't want to tell anyone for a while (which surprised me because she had always been a drama queen and a hypochondriac), but she ended up telling. It was the best thing she could have done.

The four of us kids were there with her through her treatments, she became much closer to the sister she had spent decades hating and she found out who her true friends were. Mom lived four years, until she finally passed in 2006. It's still raw for me. But I'm grateful for the time we had to get closer and share our lives.

I hope "Keeping" takes your advice and tells his friends. If he does, he may find these hard times to be some of the "best" times. That's what my mom said. -- CLAUDIA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CLAUDIA: Thank you for sharing. I opened the question to my readers, and like you, most -- but not all -- agreed with my answer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a former cancer patient and licensed therapist, I'd urge "Keeping" not to share that information if he doesn't want to. Truth is, not all people who hear the news will be supportive. Some will avoid him, some will pity him, and others will say amazingly inappropriate and unhelpful things. A prognosis of two years is a long time for people to react to him -- and for him to handle their reactions. I found it stressful to cope with the emotions of others as they reacted to my situation. Until "Keeping" is ready, he should be cautious about with whom he shares his diagnosis. -- LYN IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: After chemo and clinical trials failed to contain my husband's cancer, he was told he had less than a year to live. We had already shared the initial prognosis with family and friends. Loved ones from near and far have visited him, called and emailed. Their visits have done more for his quality of life than any drug, and have probably extended it.

He has also made once-in-a-lifetime trips this past year with siblings, which would not have happened if we had waited to disclose his prognosis. Our adult children and grandchildren have spent more time with us and have become more loving and tolerant of each other. "Keeping's" next two years are a blessing and a gift. I hope he uses every moment wisely. -- DEBRA IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I was in the same situation and, for me, it was not even a choice. I felt I had to tell everyone in our circle. The result was a warm outpouring of support and concern, even from neighbors we barely knew, which particularly helped my wife.

I have been very fortunate. My new treatment worked, I am now in remission, and we no longer need day-to-day support. But we have wonderful memories of people who were eager to help. We have established deeper friendships and the experience has made us more generous, too. -- MIKE IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: Your advice was spot-on. My mother was in stage 4 pancreatic cancer and refused to let me tell anyone, even her siblings. When she died, it was my responsibility to spread the news, only to be berated by everyone who loved her. Relatives and close neighbors were devastated that they hadn't been able to have a final visit or the chance to prepare themselves for the loss. -- LISA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 20 years has been electronically unfaithful. There have been covert telephone calls and late-night text messages to a boyfriend from long ago. He's divorced and found her on Facebook, telling her he needed "advice on dating."

She admits to the phone calls and messages and nothing more. I believe her. They haven't met -- just these covert exchanges, which are frequent and sometimes lengthy, over the course of several months. The "whys" behind her behavior are not important. We know our marriage is damaged, and we will work on that. She says she knows she was wrong to let it go on as long as it did, and further communication will stop. Should it include unfriending him on Facebook? I'm perplexed by the new paradigm of relationships. -- COVERT EXCHANGES IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COVERT: I disagree that the reasons that led to your wife's behavior aren't important. I hope you two will work out your disconnect with licensed professional help, because it will make the process faster. As to whether she should unfriend her old boyfriend on Facebook, the answer is an unequivocal "yes."

DEAR ABBY: I tutor a 16-year-old boy. His family moved to our city five months ago. They live in a crowded apartment with other relatives. One day, he told me a 20-year-old girl was obsessed with him, and he didn't like her that much. I told him it was unusual and said it was a good thing he had moved.

A month later she showed up, uninvited, to visit him. I think she came here to get pregnant, which she did. Her family now expects him to move back to Oklahoma, quit school and work to support the family. He's a smart kid with the potential to do well in college. His father is dead, the mother is clueless, and I am concerned about this boy. The girl's father and brother are in prison. How can I advise him? -- CARING TUTOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TUTOR: Your student is a minor. The "girl" is an adult. The young man should not move anywhere without first insisting that a paternity test be taken to be certain he is the father of the child she's expecting -- if she is, indeed, pregnant. Because of the difference in their ages, she may be guilty of statutory rape, and he may be a victim.

DEAR ABBY: After decades of sucking it up, should I send a letter to the individuals who bullied me incessantly and made my life a living hell in high school? Should I let them know all has not been forgiven or forgotten? -- FORMER VICTIM IN MONTANA

DEAR FORMER VICTIM: No. Why would you want more contact with the cruel and thoughtless individuals who made you miserable? Live your life fully and happily in the present and don't look back. THAT is the best revenge.