DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's best friend asked if we could drive an hour to visit them and their children on Saturday. I've met her twice, and we have chatted a bit online. I have met her fiance only once.

My boyfriend just told me she wants to take off with him to a bar for a birthday drink -- or two -- while I stay at home with her fiance. When I heard about it, I said I am not OK with being excluded. He understood and agreed they would take a walk around the block instead.

When I texted her saying I didn't want to be ditched, she insisted that I need to share him, and her fiance is looking forward to getting to know me better. She also tried to guilt me, saying it's her birthday weekend.

I think she's rude. I've never been to their house, and I'm not friends with her fiance. When you invite a couple over, I believe the expectation is to socialize as a group, not break off. I also think it should have been a request versus something I was told is happening. If she wants to spend time with my boyfriend, they should make separate plans. Can you please weigh in on the etiquette? -- UNEXPECTED PLANS IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEXPECTED: You appear to be the "new kid on the block," while your boyfriend, his best friend and the fiance have known one another a long time. The purpose of getting together is for all concerned to have an enjoyable time. If you wouldn't feel comfortable in the situation as it was described, you shouldn't have been pressured to agree, regardless of whether it's her birthday weekend. She was wrong to do that, and yes, it was rude.

DEAR ABBY: My son was in a serious accident, which left him with a head injury as well as other physical problems. Since then he has also had anxiety attacks, paranoia and a profound dislike of me. We went from a close relationship to a shattered one, and I don't know why. He has said horrible things about me to other family members, none of which are true. His wife is clueless. She has exacerbated the situation by viewing this as "his side vs. my side."

My other children are angry at them both and want to just ignore him. They stay in contact with him because I beg them not to abandon him. Unfortunately, due to confidentiality regulations, I am unable to speak to his doctors. We have had no contact for three months, and I won't initiate it. I love him and this is breaking my heart. Please advise me. -- UNHAPPY MAMA IN THE WEST

DEAR UNHAPPY MAMA: My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how pained and helpless you must feel because of your son's traumatic brain injury. I wish I had a magic wand and could make this unfortunate situation go away, but I do have a suggestion. Although HIPAA regulations prevent you from speaking with his doctors, nothing prevents you from writing them a letter if you think there's something they need to know.

You'd be wise to seek professional counseling for yourself now. No one can predict whether your son will regain his emotional balance, and it's important you have all the emotional support you need for your loss. In a very real sense, it is a loss, the loss of the son you knew. A licensed therapist can give you insight on how to move forward.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married man. I'm also a part of my church's worship team and at the church three times a week. Two ladies are active in the church almost as much as I am. Every time I'm there it's a good bet I'll see at least one of them.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have lustful feelings for them. I would never act on my feelings, but I would like to get rid of them. Leaving the church is not an option. -- EMBARRASSED IN KANSAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You seem like a very nice person. Lust is part of the human condition. It has been around since before the Old Testament was written. Instead of feeling guilty, perhaps it's time to accept that you are human.

Rather than quietly suffer embarrassment, it may help to discuss your feelings privately with your clergyperson. It won't be the first time he or she has heard something like this, trust me. Sometimes simply verbalizing uncomfortable feelings can make them diminish or go away entirely.

DEAR ABBY: A co-worker reached out to me and we started talking. He asked me on a date, and we've been official for about a month now. He's beyond amazing, but there's a problem. He can't express his feelings to me, or to anyone for that matter. He's very insecure because he used to be overweight.

He hasn't been in a relationship in forever. I know he's serious about us. I'm slowly falling for him, and I want it to work out. Is there anything I can do to help him get comfortable with opening up to me? -- FALLING FOR HIM

DEAR FALLING: Yes. Start by remembering the two of you have been "official" for only one month, and relationships -- like trust -- have to evolve. Do not push him to make a commitment or declare his undying love. If you are patient, as your relationship develops, he may become more open about expressing his feelings to you. Give him time, and because workplace romances are sometimes frowned upon, give him space.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year. What is typical or acceptable in preparing for the celebration?

We have a 48-year-old son who has never remembered dates, especially our wedding anniversaries, so I don't expect that he'll plan anything in our honor. I love my wife so much I just can't let our 50th slide by without a celebration. Would it be appropriate for me to take the lead? I feel weird setting up a party to honor myself. -- SAD IN COLORADO

DEAR SAD: It is not uncommon for couples to plan and host their own anniversary parties. If you would like to celebrate your 50th surrounded by friends and family, you are free to take the initiative and do so. Or spend the money taking your bride on a cruise or other trip of a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I live in a small town in the Northwest. After many years here, feeling that a warmer climate may be better for us, we decided to retire and move to a 55-plus community. We researched and visited several, and recently bought a home in one with about 5,000 residents and a lot of senior activities.

After closing, we stayed around for several days to get better acquainted and got a rude surprise. Everyone we met was very friendly, but quite a few seemed to have a grudge about at least one other person in the community. We've always made friends easily. What can we do or say to be able to be friends with neighbors who have grudges against each other ("If you are friends with them, you can't be friends with us")? -- NOT TAKING SIDES IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT TAKING SIDES: It appears you not only moved south, but also into an "elementary school" complete with playground politics. Do not allow yourselves to be shanghaied into an exclusive relationship with anyone who tries to blackmail you this way. If your neighbors can't get along with each other, let it be their problem and see them separately. And when they put down the people they don't like, change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and are in a committed relationship. Yesterday he told me he isn't sexually satisfied. I was shocked. I thought our sex life was good overall. However, he says he feels he's doing most of the work and I'm not "adventurous" enough. He's not looking for anything crazy, but I have limited experience and lack confidence in this area. How do I get my confidence up and meet his needs? -- UNSURE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNSURE: Have a talk with your boyfriend. Tell him you are glad that he was honest with you about his feelings. Then ask what he meant by "adventurous" and what he would like from you. It could be something as simple as you initiating the sexual encounters more often. But if it's not, it will be the beginning of an important conversation.

DEAR ABBY: I received an invitation to a "belly and bells shower." The bride is expecting (belly) and her wedding shower is included (bells). Having never received an invitation that honors both events, I'm not certain how to respond gift-wise. Do I buy two gifts? She's registered at two sites, one for baby and one for bridal. -- CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CONFUSED: Yes, two gifts are what's being requested. What those gifts should be is up to you -- although you will get some idea of what the young couple will need by visiting the two websites. After the shower is over, the rule of etiquette is that you should receive a wedding invitation. If you choose to attend, another gift will be in order, so don't put away your checkbook.