DEAR ABBY: It's been several years since you have mentioned Because I Love You (B.I.L.Y.) as a resource for parents in crisis. What is happening to our groups -- as well as similar ones -- is a decrease in attendance. Yet the problems today are worse than when I started B.I.L.Y. many years ago. The schools don't want a group such as ours on their campus because they're afraid it signals that there are problems on their campus. Well, there are problems on all campuses today!

The legalization of recreational marijuana has sent a message to our youth that it's safe to use. Parents of 10-year-olds have come to our group because their child is using. Kids are dying at a faster pace than ever before, and much of it is because of synthetic drugs on the streets. Parents can be a major part of the problem, and a group like B.I.L.Y. offers suggestions for solutions. It's not just drugs that we deal with but also mental health issues, gender ID, school dropouts, gang involvement and more.

We rely on the media to help us with referrals. Will you please consider mentioning B.I.L.Y. again as you so generously have in the past? Parents in the U.S. and Canada need to be aware that we are here for them. Thanks, Abby! -- DENNIS PONCHER, FOUNDER, B.I.L.Y.

DEAR DENNIS: I'm happy to mention Because I Love You again. Readers, the nonprofit B.I.L.Y. has been in existence for more than 35 years. This self-help group provides support for parents of children of all ages in coping with behavioral problems such as truancy, substance abuse and other forms of defiance of authority. I have received letters from readers thanking me for recommending this group. For more information, go to bily.org.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 13 years. It hasn't always been easy. She recently decided on her own that we needed a fresh start because of some financial problems we are having, so she applied for a job in a state six hours away from any of our family. She accepted the job before telling me anything about it. Now she says our daughter and I should pack up and go with her.

Several issues complicate matters. Our daughter is 11 and just started middle school. I don't want to pull her out before school is out. Second, I have several health issues, and my doctors are within two hours of home. All my doctors coordinate with each other. If we move, I'll be too far away from them. I don't want to start over with new ones.

I love my wife and want to be with her, but I'm worried about the future if I move not only away from my doctors but also my family. Please help. -- NERVOUS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NERVOUS: The decision your wife made should have been made jointly, not by her alone. Your reasons for wanting to remain where you are are valid, and I think you would be wise to discuss what's going on with an attorney before this goes any further.

DEAR ABBY: I've had it up to here with my crabby next-door neighbor. She grows vegetables in her garden -- squash and pumpkins at this time of year. Our properties are separated by a wire fence.

A few days before Halloween last year, a friend brought her two grandsons, who are 4 and 6, for a visit. They were excited to find a pumpkin in my yard that weighed about 10 pounds and managed to get it into my house because they wanted to make a jack-o'-lantern. No sooner did I reach for the phone to tell my neighbor what they had done than she came banging at my door accusing the boys of theft! To make peace, I handed the pumpkin to her with my apologies.

This morning I noticed two pumpkins have tendrils that have crept through the fence and are now growing on my property. More than one person has told me, "They're on your property, so they belong to you." Another has said that if my tree grows over her property, she has the right to trim the branches. Ergo: I get to keep the pumpkins. I think a fair solution is to keep one pumpkin and give her the other. But "Crabby Cathy" might have other ideas. Before this gets ugly again, what do you say? -- PUMPKIN PILFERER IN PETALUMA, CALIF.

DEAR P.P.: Your "crabby" neighbor was correct. Your friend's grandsons DID help themselves to her pumpkin, and it was wrong. You and your friend should both have apologized to the woman when you realized they had purloined the pumpkin, returned it and taken the kids to the store to buy one they could cut up. If you pull the trick you're planning, it won't necessarily be a treat. You may escalate an already unpleasant situation beyond pumpkin season, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer for a group that supports a cause close to my heart. Our group supports the local chapter in any way we can, and we're currently preparing for a fundraiser.

In an effort to get donations I have contacted some large national businesses and some small local ones. I try to send an email if I can, so I won't interrupt the owner during business hours and get an answer either when business is slow or after hours.

Many of the small businesses have not responded, and it has been well over a month since I contacted them. Would it be rude to contact them again to ensure they received my original message, or would it be better if I went in person to talk to someone? I understand not every business can afford to donate, but having a definite answer would be helpful. -- WELCOMING DONATIONS

DEAR WELCOMING DONATIONS: I have always believed the personal touch is the best, particularly when you're putting a "touch" on someone for money. Businesses are often solicited for donations by mail and email, and the requests usually go straight to the trash. By paying a call on these businesses, if only to schedule an appointment so you can talk, you may have better luck.

DEAR ABBY: Recently something has come up in my life that has pushed the shaky relationship between my girlfriend, "Linnay," and my parents to the front burner. She insists they do not like her. Because of it, she rarely speaks more than a few sentences to them and dreads going to my house to visit them.

I don't think my parents dislike Linnay, but they do seem hesitant to interact with her, involve her in things our family does, and they don't seem motivated to create a better relationship with her.

Linnay has asked me to "fix" the situation, but I feel the way to make their relationship better is for them to work it out. What should each of them do to make this happen? And what can I do to help? -- ANONYMOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: This is not something your girlfriend can work out on her own. Ask your parents why they seem hesitant to interact with her, why they don't invite her to things the family does and why they seem less than eager to create a better relationship with her. Linnay may be shy, or she may have picked up on not-so-subtle signals your parents are sending that they don't approve of her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11. My parents aren't in my life, so my grandparents are my guardians. I'm thankful for all they do, but I am very scared because my grandfather is 85, and I know soon he is going to leave this world. So how do I accept that? -- IN NEED OF A PRAYER

DEAR IN NEED OF A PRAYER: A wise person once told me that the way to ruin today is to spend it worrying about what "might" happen tomorrow. Many individuals a lot older than you make that mistake. It's clear that you love and appreciate your grandfather. Tell him that -- often. Hold a good thought and enjoy him for as long as the good Lord allows, because if your grandfather is in good health, he may last quite a while longer than you think.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get my roommates to do chores? I have tried talking to them, creating chore charts and explaining we will lose our security deposit if the house isn't taken care of. Nothing works. If I don't want sticky counters, ruined pots and pans, or trash piling up, I have to do it myself. Any advice would be appreciated. -- NOT YOUR MAID

DEAR NOT YOUR MAID: Whose name is on that lease? If it isn't yours, the logical thing to do would be find a place to live with more mature roommates who feel the way you do about clutter and hygiene. However, if it is yours, you will have to wait until the lease is up, get rid of those roommates and screen the next batch more carefully.