DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for four years, and before that, I knew him for about a year. At the time, he was very loving and considerate, but right after we got married, his true nature emerged.

He drinks heavily every night and says horrible things. In the morning, he has no recollection of it and expects me to be loving and warm to him. I can't bring myself to do it. He is always accusing me of cheating on him, even though I have given him no reason. He has a GPS on my phone, and if I don't answer his texts or calls immediately, he goes ballistic.

Abby, I'm not happy and have often thought about running away. During the day he helps me, but at night he becomes a completely different person. I have a full-time job and pay 85 percent of the bills. I take care of the kids, cook and clean, but nothing makes him happy. I would really appreciate your advice. -- LOST IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOST: Nothing you do WILL make your husband happy. You are married to an abusive blackout drunk. Demand that he enter an abuse treatment program. If he refuses, then leave now, before the example he sets when he has been drinking further damages your children. If you need information about forming an escape plan, go online to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website (thehotline.org). There is also a toll-free 24-hour hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We don't live together, but we're together three or four times a week, and the sex is great.

He is into porn, and when I am not there, I know he looks at it because I have found pictures of it on his phone. It makes me feel like I'm not enough because if I was, he wouldn't need to look at other girls for arousal. When I tell him that, he says there's no emotional attachment to porn for him. He says it is all visual and there is nothing to be jealous of.

I myself am not into it. It grosses me out to even look at it. Is he telling me the truth? -- GROSSED OUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GROSSED OUT: If your boyfriend does not require looking at his cellphone in order to have sex with you, then he is telling you the truth. Men are turned on by the visual. Women are more turned on by the written word. The expert who pointed that out to me was Larry Flynt. After I printed it, I was criticized by some readers for using him as a resource. Three months later, the book "Fifty Shades of Grey" appeared and became a worldwide phenomenon. So Larry was right -- in spades.

DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping you will settle a bet between me and a good friend. I'm sure you've heard of or seen the advertisements for ancestral DNA testing. I say that three children with the same two parents will all have equal percentages of their parents' ancestry. My friend says the amounts can vary from child to child. Who is right? A nice dinner is riding on this. -- HUNGRY TO KNOW IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HUNGRY: I am sure your friend will enjoy the nice dinner you're paying for. According to Ancestry.com, unless the siblings are identical triplets, the amount of DNA they receive from each parent can vary, and it is not unusual for siblings to have different percentages of their parents' ancestry.

DEAR ABBY: I met a really great guy online eight months ago. He lives in another country and we have been in a long-distance relationship for the last six months. We talk all the time, video chat frequently and have grown very close. I have never clicked with anyone like I have with him, and I know he feels the same.

We are having a significant disagreement about meeting in person. I'm willing to travel to his country. The expense, while not negligible, is within my means. However, he says he has some serious ongoing health issues and he wants to wait until they are resolved to meet. He has had them for much of his life, although they have gotten worse during the time I have known him. So far, there has been no diagnosis or treatment plan.

When I have asked, he says I should be patient and he doesn't want our relationship to be about waiting to do things because of his condition. Meanwhile, I know how much pain he is in. I see it every time we chat, and I know how much it affects him. It's not going to scare me away. I just want to be there with him, to see if we work as well in person as we seem to online.

I don't want to add to his stress by insisting we meet, but I also don't want to spend months or years with my life on hold, waiting for a perfect time to meet. What should I do? -- GAMER GIRL IN INDIANA

DEAR GAMER GIRL: When someone you meet online is reluctant to meet in person and interact with you fully, there is usually a reason. Having had these "health problems" all his life, one would think there would be a name for the illness and a treatment plan. Because he has neither, I question whether his health is the reason he doesn't want you to visit him. He may be in a relationship or not as he has represented himself in some other way. What you need to do is move on.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has the means to buy almost anything she wants. She's a shopper, a borderline hoarder, yet very generous to her children. She buys expensive and unwanted gifts for all her kids -- satisfying her shopping urges by getting us doubles of her latest cooking gadget, vacuum cleaner or 10-pound box of chocolate we shouldn't be eating in the first place.

While we're not poor, we sure could use the money she's wasting on these silly gifts. How do we tell her that it's awkward for us to receive an expensive vacuum when we need help with school tuition for our kids? Is it wrong for us to look a gift horse in the mouth, or insensitive of her to flaunt her purchasing power while we're struggling? -- REGRETFULLY UNGRATEFUL

DEAR REGRETFULLY: I'm not going to label your mother-in-law as insensitive or you as ungrateful. I do think the time has come for you and her son to have a frank talk with her and explain that, while you are grateful for the gifts, you could better use the money she's spending on them for help with her grandchildren's school tuition. If that offends her, so be it, but if she loves her grandchildren, I don't think it should.

DEAR ABBY: My niece (age 25), despite numerous warnings against getting pregnant, deliberately did three years ago. This was a result of an affair with a man who is in a live-in relationship with another woman.

My niece ended up in the hospital and had to have some serious surgeries. She lost her job and moved in with my sister and her husband. She's working again, but she and her daughter still live with my sister because she doesn't earn enough to support them (and gets no help from the father). She has recently announced that she's pregnant again by this same man!

My sister says she feels compelled to support my niece because she is concerned about her grandchild(ren). How do the rest of us "opt out," without seeming mean or judgmental? I feel sorry for the strain this is putting on my sister, but she keeps asking family members to help out as she is only working part-time and her husband is on disability. I don't feel it is our responsibility to keep supporting this self-centered, irresponsible adult. HELP, please! -- AUNTIE NO MORE

DEAR AUNTIE: Unless you and the rest of the family want to support your niece and all the children she may have, draw the line. Tell your sister that "the family" will chip in one more time, but the money must be used so she and her daughter can consult a lawyer about how to compel the deadbeat dad to assume his responsibilities toward his children. There are also state child support enforcement agencies that can help her.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating my next-door neighbor two years ago. We have known each other for 17 years. We hit it off, and after about a month he was spending every night with me. He's 72 and retired; I'm 55 and work full time. We have a great relationship, but I feel he is stalling about marrying me.

In the beginning, he said if we were together after one year we would talk about selling one or both of our houses and having just one. It hasn't happened. I make his breakfast each morning. Then I go to work and he goes to his house. He comes back at lunch to let my dogs out. When I get home at 5, he comes over and I cook supper. (He does buy some groceries and will start dinner every once in a while.) He then stays until I leave for work the next day. And he's here every weekend, too. He does go home to shower.

I think after two years he should know whether he wants to marry me or not. His last divorce was 20 years ago, and mine was seven years ago. I love him, and he says he isn't putting me off, he just wishes I could be "patient." I think it's stupid to have two houses when he stays with me every night. I pay my own bills, and he pays his. Do you think I'm wasting my time with him? -- READY FOR CHANGE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR READY: Whether you are wasting your time remains to be seen. After two years I don't think you are being "impatient" to want a commitment from him. That's why you both need to have a serious, lay-it-on-the-line discussion about what your goals are. If marriage isn't one of his, he should let you know NOW.