DEAR ABBY: My stepbrother "Pete" is a recovering addict who did significant prison time for possession and gang affiliations. He has also had multiple DUI convictions. He's been out for two years and is holding a job and taking care of his kids part-time.

My parents think he's completely rehabilitated, but I think he's using again, based on his behavior. He has tried to get my husband to give him some of a prescription medication he takes, and jokes about "acting good" when with family but not at home.

I decided I no longer want to be around Pete, particularly with my children, and I asked my parents not to have him over while we are visiting. They said they understood, but the last time we went for a weekend, Pete was there with his son, and it was really uncomfortable. Now they say they just want us to all get along and that I'm "snobby" for wanting to exclude Pete.

I have reached a point where I'm no longer willing to visit them because I can't trust them. They won't come to my house, but are mad at me for "withholding their grandkids from them" (their words) and "breaking up the family." What are my obligations in this situation, and is it reasonable to insist we visit without Pete? I hate to make them choose, but I also feel like this is a safety issue. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: As a parent, you have to do what you think is best for your children. I wish you had explained your parents' reason for not visiting your home, because it appears to be manipulative and a means of punishing you for sticking to your guns.

Given the fact that Pete has tried to convince your husband to share his scheduled medications and has bragged about "acting good" when with family, you are doing the right thing.

DEAR ABBY: My sister -- age 57 -- has terrible table manners. We live three hours apart but get together every two or three months to enjoy each other's company.

Recently, we went to a nice restaurant, and she let out a loud, obnoxious, disgusting burp. I was surprised and embarrassed. She quickly apologized. I said, "Can't you lower the volume and cover your mouth?" She became defensive and said, "I apologized!"

Her burping happens often, but this one was beyond the pale. I don't like it, never have. How do I communicate to her effectively to burp quietly and in a controlled manner? -- DISGUSTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DISGUSTED: I think you have already done that. Is it possible your sister suffers from a gastrointestinal disorder? If she hasn't brought this to the attention of her doctor, she should.

If, however, there is nothing physically wrong with her, you may be happier having your meals in a different kind of restaurant -- a loud, casual burger joint or a sports bar where no one will notice her problem while rooting for the home team.

DEAR READERS: Have a very happy and healthy Fourth of July, everyone. And please be safe! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 36 years to a woman who has saved my life and soul. We are both faithful to God and to our marriage, sharing the love of our family. We are blessed in many ways -- including a great son who is self-sufficient and prospering, and a daughter who is married and takes on any challenge with confidence.

I have one guilt-filled issue I have never shared with my wife. Prior to meeting her, for nearly 12 years through my military service and college years, I was actively bisexual. I'm not proud of this fact but learned it was more out of loneliness and experimentation than need.

This is the only thing I have never shared with my love, and I wonder if I should, as it weighs heavy on my heart. It melts me when she says "I love you" and thanks me for sharing my life with her. I have prayed to God about this. Should I share this with my wife? -- DIFFERENT PERSON NOW

DEAR DIFFERENT: I see nothing positive to be gained by opening this long-closed chapter of your life with your wife at this late date. Because you feel the need to talk about this, do it with your spiritual adviser.

DEAR ABBY: I am a big-breasted woman who is suffering because of them. My doctor told me I'm a good candidate for a breast reduction, which I am thrilled about. My problem is my husband is 100% against my having the procedure. He gets mad when I bring it up and refuses to budge.

I'm a 65-year-old woman with arthritis, which makes my back and neck pain even worse. How can I get him to change his mind? I'm the one who's suffering, and I don't think he's being fair. -- LOOKING FOR RELIEF IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOOKING: This is not a question of fairness. It's a question of quality of life. Many women have had breast reduction surgery for the reason you are contemplating it. Your husband may have a breast fetish or possibly regard them as his "property."

I recommend he accompany you to your next doctor's appointment so the doctor can help him understand why the procedure is necessary and what the result will be afterward. However, in the final analysis, your breasts are yours, not his, and you should be able to do with them whatever you like.

DEAR ABBY: What does one do in the case of lending out DVDs and never seeing them again? This happened to me at the start of the year. The perpetrators are members of the church I attend. One is the assistant pastor.

When I have asked about my DVDs, the borrowers have been very vague. I think those who attend one's church should be trustworthy. What do you think I should do besides refuse to lend anything? -- MIFFED IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIFFED: Your DVDs may have been lost, damaged or loaned to someone else who didn't return them. In any of those scenarios, the person(s) who failed to return the items should have offered to repay you for them. That no one did reflects badly on the borrowers.

That said, there is nothing you can do now besides be less generous in the future. In the meantime, continue hounding the borrowers.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, I became friends with a co-worker and things took off too fast. Within a couple of months, I became pregnant. We were thrown together without really even knowing each other because, deep down, we wanted a family and decided to stick it out.

Well, it's been a hell of a ride. I ended up having to leave because neither one of us was happy, and it wasn't the greatest environment to raise our daughter in. I came back a few months later, and we have been trying our best to get along and be great parents for her. But our past issues with each other constantly raise their ugly heads and cause problems that make us want to split up.

I have suggested individual and couples counseling, but he isn't into it, and it's always a blame game between us. I'm beyond tired of it. My head says go, but my heart says stay. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- WEIGHING THE PROS AND CONS

DEAR WEIGHING: Your child's father may prefer to play the blame game because he's unwilling to own up to his part in the problem. Dragging an unwilling partner to counseling would be unproductive. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't go without him. If you do, you will have a clearer understanding about whether and why you should continue living together. Keep in mind that a household where there is conflict is not a healthy environment for a child.

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away a short time ago, and my cousin immediately posted about the funeral on social media without even mentioning me in her post, or asking me how I felt about such a posting.

Have people grown so self-centered and uncaring about other people's feelings that they think posts like this are appropriate without asking the immediate family's feelings on the matter? It seems to me it's a self-serving grab for attention and sympathy without any respect for the immediate family of the deceased. I really cannot find a way to forgive her actions. -- HURT AND ANGRY IN THE EAST

DEAR HURT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. What happened is one of the regrettable aspects of living in the 21st century. Your cousin may be part of the generation that thinks every detail of their lives must be put online for consumption by an audience waiting with bated breath. If my guess is accurate, then I agree doing it without first running it by the immediate family was insensitive and thoughtless.

Not knowing your cousin, I don't know whether it was a "self-serving grab for attention." However, what's done is done. It's over. I hope you won't allow this to ruin your relationship with this relative or your memories of your dear mother.

DEAR ABBY: I've always wondered when it's appropriate for a couple to start giving gifts as a couple vs. individually. I've seen couples who start early on in their relationship and others who have been together for what feels like forever who still individually give gifts. -- WONDERING IN TEXAS

DEAR WONDERING: There are no hard and fast rules about something like this. It may depend on all the circumstances involved, and also may have something to do with how independent from each other the couple is.