DEAR ABBY: I own a small retail shop. One of my employees (I'll call her Sara) has been with us for a number of years. Until recently she's been a stellar employee. She has been through several traumas during the past year, including the death of her father, unexpected injuries and medical bills, and finding out that her husband had molested her teenage daughter and other girls as well. It has been enough to drive anyone over the edge of emotional stability, and she has been noticeably struggling.

Sara has seen a doctor and is seeing a therapist for this, but she's still having a difficult time. These things don't heal overnight. I understand that.

Brick-and-mortar retail pretty much runs on presenting a cheerful face, happily engaging with customers and answering their questions -- something Sara has been emotionally unable to do. Customers have begun complaining to me about her moodiness and saying she has been ignoring them. I've talked to her about this a couple of times now, and each time she says she'll do better, but she hasn't.

Abby, she's been through so much, I'm reluctant to add to her trauma by letting her go, but I feel I'm being backed into a corner here. Is there a solution I'm not seeing or something I can say that will help resolve this without having to let her go? There isn't any work currently available that doesn't require customer interaction, or else I'd ask her to do that. -- BAD FOR BUSINESS

DEAR B.F.B.: You are a caring employer -- more than most would be, considering the shape that retail is in these days. Talk to Sara again. Explain that you are receiving complaints from customers and what they have been saying. Give her another chance to improve. If one of your other employees can cover for Sara for a week or two, let Sara have a brief leave of absence to regroup. However, if the complaints persist, let her go, because what's going on isn't about her or you, it's about the health of your business.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 67 and at least 45 pounds overweight. His breasts could fill a C-cup bra, and his belly looks nine months pregnant. Problem is, he wears running shorts around the house and no shirt. Everything hangs out regardless of whether we're alone or have family visiting. It's embarrassing.

When I ask him to dress or at least put on a shirt, he says it's his home, he can dress any way he wants, and if someone disapproves, they can leave. That's exactly what I am ready to do. I am disgusted seeing him look like this. Also, when we are alone, he tends to skinny dip in our swimming pool.

I'm afraid our 18-year marriage is over. For the last five years we have lived like roommates with separate bedrooms. Do you agree I should leave? He flat-out refuses any counseling for us. -- LOOKING THE OTHER WAY

DEAR LOOKING: You are asking me a question I can't answer for you. Because your husband refuses counseling doesn't mean you couldn't benefit from talking to someone, in light of the fact that you are contemplating such a life-changing decision. Please go, because the answer to your question lies within yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a friend's party that was being given to celebrate their son's 18th birthday. I thought it would be cheeky and fun to buy him a risque card from an adult boutique, thinking everyone would get a good laugh, and we'd have something to roast the young man with. When he opened the card, he had this look of horror on his face, ran out of the room all teary-eyed and went directly to his bedroom. His mother picked up the card and immediately asked me to leave. I was really embarrassed but unsure about the reason.

I gave them a week or so to cool off. I called back only to be informed by the mother that I had violated her son's sanctity of sexual orientation because he identifies as a "they" and "prefers androgynous boys to women." She went on to explain that as a result of my "indiscriminate sexism," I'm no longer allowed around the family.

I feel I should've been informed of the child's orientation being such an important aspect of his ... or rather, "their" identity, and tried to explain it was an honest mistake and would never happen again. My friend said the damage was done, and they can't forgive that kind of arrogance and blatant disrespect for "their" gender identity and sexual orientation.

Was I insensitive for not asking first, or should the parents have taken the initiative to inform me so I wouldn't make such an egregious error in what I assumed was a well-rounded friendship? Any advice would be great. -- WANTING TO SCREAM IN EUGENE

DEAR WANTING: I think one lesson to be learned here is that some people are not comfortable with sexual humor. Another is that it is a mistake to assume that everyone is straight or cisgender.

I'm sorry that the young person was embarrassed. Your apology should have been directed at them, not their mother. But since the mother has now decreed you persona non grata, you will have to accept it. It's unfortunate. The family overreacted. What could have been handled as a simple teachable moment was blown out of proportion.

DEAR ABBY: I am about to blow my top! I am a married father of two in the military who works 12 hours daily to support my family. My wife and I are college grads and have been married five years. For those years we have maintained residence in Hawaii. My wife doesn't work and tries to run a day care that is mildly successful.

Our home is always dirty because, as she puts it, she is not a housemaid. She doesn't cook often either. Many times I come home so tired I can't see, and the house is a mess. This has caused arguments.

My thinking is, if she's not going to take care of the house, she should get a job and help with the finances. The money she gets from the day care doesn't go toward the household. She considers it her spending money.

I am ready to bounce and find greener pastures. I have tried talking to her, but she ignores my complaints and plays the victim. We have already tried counseling. It doesn't work because she goes back to her normal self afterward. Help! -- PEEVED IN THE PACIFIC

DEAR PEEVED: Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and, from what you have written, your wife is unwilling to contribute to it. I can't change her and neither can you. Because counseling hasn't resolved your obvious lack of compatibility, it's time to consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old single woman who recently started dating again after four years of total abstinence. My two adult daughters, ages 18 and 22, live at home with me.

My dilemma: I am smitten, to say the least, with an attractive, supportive and very loving man. I have invited him over and introduced him to the girls, which went well until the other night, when my 22-year-old overheard us being intimate (her bedroom is next to mine). There was no screaming or anything lewd, no nudity or PDA, but I happen to have a slightly noisy bed.

She now refuses to sleep in her room and sent me a text telling me she wants to live with her dad because she thinks it's disgusting. I'm not sure how to feel. On one hand, I think she needs to grow up, but at the same time, I don't want to be the cause of her discomfort.

I explained to her that I'm happy after being alone for so long and perhaps she could be happy for me. My partner thinks she's jealous of our new relationship. The 18-year-old couldn't care less.

My question is, am I behaving inappropriately? Don't I have just as much right to enjoy my home as they do? -- GETTING BACK TO IT IN NEW YORK

DEAR GETTING BACK: I can see how your young adult daughter might be uncomfortable being confronted with her mother's sexual activity, to the musical accompaniment of squeaking bed springs. Most people have a hard time accepting their parents as sexual beings. You didn't mention whether your daughter's father would welcome this daughter moving in with him. If he's all for it, that would be the way to deal with her discomfort.

DEAR ABBY: I've been happily married for 13 years. Over the last few years we have experienced our brushes with the prospect of infidelity, but we remain committed to each other. While our marriage is a healthy and happy one, our commitment to each other has recently come into question, and we have been fighting more than usual.

Recently, a good friend of mine since almost childhood -- and brief lover in my early 20s -- with whom I have maintained friendly contact over the years, propositioned me. He said he has never fallen out of love with me and will continue to wait. I cut off my relationship with him without agreeing to an affair (or anything else) and have moved on with my marriage.

My concern is, now I feel this urge to let my husband know about the exchange, mostly to reinforce my commitment to him and maintain transparency. But part of me is afraid that bringing it up will cause more upset, and maybe I should keep it to myself. What should I do? -- NEEDING SOME GUIDANCE

DEAR NEEDING: Not all of our urges are meant to be acted upon. Be honest about your motive. What do you think telling your husband will accomplish? Will it bring you closer to each other, or remind him that you are attractive to other men and make him jealous? Will it anger him enough to want to punch your old friend and former lover in the nose? If this is a possibility, some things are better left unsaid.