DEAR ABBY: My dad had a heart attack and nearly died a year ago. Since then, he has totally revamped his diet and put forth the effort to eat a plant-based diet to become healthier. It has been a family affair, and my sister jumped on the bandwagon as well.

I have battled for years with an unhealthy relationship with both alcohol and food. I have been seeking help for my troubles. The more help I have received, the more I have come to realize my body dysmorphia issues come from my mom and sister and their constant talk about losing weight and being healthy. (Get this: When Mom isn't around my dad, she downs double cheeseburgers, and my sister can drain a bottle with the best of them.) Every single family event or dinner out there's a discussion about how my mom needs to lose weight or eat better or something.

I want to support Dad, and other family members as well. How do I politely tell them I can no longer be around the constant "lose weight" talk or healthy food talk because it is hindering my own ability to heal and be happy with my body? And how do I tell a family of drinkers I'm no longer drinking? -- UNHEALTHY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNHEALTHY: Congratulations on the lifestyle changes you are adopting. Change isn't easy, and how your family reacts to the new you will affect your relationship with all of them.

Approach your mother and your sister privately. Explain that in the course of getting help for your own issues you have discovered that certain subjects are detrimental to your recovery, and you would appreciate it if they were not a topic of conversation when you are together.

As to explaining your abstinence from alcohol to those who choose to imbibe, I do not think it is realistic to expect them to stop because you have chosen to. When drinks are offered, ask to be served something nonalcoholic. Many people do it these days, and it should not present a problem. If you are cajoled into having "just one," you may then have to seriously curtail the time you spend with them.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I connect with on many different levels. It's amazing. But he's already in a relationship. He tells me he loves me and doesn't ever want to lose me, but he never talks about leaving her. He says things will naturally work themselves out.

Although he says he isn't trying to have his cake and eat it too, that is exactly how it feels at times. I'm confused about what to do. My heart and my head are at odds. Please give me some advice that will help me settle my inner self. -- CONFUSED GIRL IN LOVE

DEAR CONFUSED GIRL: As it stands, your friend has two women, and you have half a man. He may love you, but if he was IN love with you, he would end the relationship with his girlfriend. He never talks about leaving her because he doesn't intend to rock the boat.

I know the idea of breaking things off is painful, but while you have romantic feelings for this person, you won't be free to find anybody else. You deserve someone who is willing to make the same kind of commitment to you that you are willing to make to him. Repeat that to yourself daily until he's out of your system.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 39-year-old gay male who was in a relationship with a very attractive 44-year-old teacher. He never wanted to commit to a monogamous relationship.

After 10 months of seeing each other, he informed me that he is about to enter into a relationship with a 22-year-old. He said it was nothing I did, but he is just attracted to younger guys when it comes to relationships. He also informed me that he will always be in my life and will never let me go. He said we could see each other secretly, but no more dates or public outings. I can see him only occasionally now, whenever the new boyfriend is working or out of town.

I'm afraid not to go over when he calls because I'm in love with him. I'm afraid if I don't abide by the terms of the relationship he has set, he will disappear out of my life. It hurts to see him in a new relationship, while I beg and wait for time with him. What do I do in this situation? -- RUNNER-UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RUNNER-UP: I know what you are experiencing is painful, but if you have an ounce of self-esteem left, cut your losses and stop being this man's "booty call." To say the dynamics of this relationship are unhealthy for you would be an understatement.

He thinks he will always be in your life because you will tolerate this awful status quo. The only thing he is prepared to give you is more of what you have been getting -- pain. Recognize that things don't always turn out as we would wish, get emotional support where you can find it -- from friends or a licensed therapist, if necessary -- and move on. Please.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adult in my mid-30s who has no contact with my biological father. My parents divorced shortly after I was born and shared custody of me. When I was staying with my father, he began molesting me. I told my mom because I knew something was not right. We went to court, he received very little jail time and was on probation for a short while after. After he went to court, I stopped all contact with him.

He has tried a few times in recent years to have a relationship with me. He even went as far as contacting me when I was about to turn 15, demanding that I spend time with him. We went to court again, and I was granted a permanent restraining order against him.

Now for my question: He is very ill. I still want nothing to do with him, for obvious reasons. I have an older brother who sees him and takes responsibility for his needs. Am I obligated to help with my father's needs, and should I have to pay for, plan and/or attend his funeral when the time comes? -- OUT OF THE PICTURE

DEAR OUT: No! You are not legally or morally obligated to pay for your molester's care, and you do not have to attend his funeral unless you are doing it to get closure.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years and have two children. One of them is a toddler.

I recently found out that my husband has been recording me with his phone at various times without my consent when we have heated arguments. He claims he does it to protect himself in the event that I try to have him arrested.

Abby, there is no abuse in our marriage, and I have never threatened to call the police on him. I'm hurt and paranoid now. I don't even want to be in my own home. He claims to have deleted the files, but I don't trust him. Any advice would be helpful. -- HURT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HURT: If I ever heard of a couple needing marriage counseling, it is you two. The recording won't show what started the argument or what came after it, both of which are important. Please ask your doctor or health care provider for a referral to a licensed marital and family therapist. Go alone if your husband won't go with you.

It appears your husband is playing mind games with you. And I'm also concerned about how this volatility is affecting your children. If something isn't done about it, it will destroy your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old man living in Texas. I am a college graduate and on my own now. My parents are very caring, but my father has an unhealthy obsession with me.

He messages me multiple times a day. It never stops. I'm currently looking for teaching jobs, and he tries to intervene by looking for them for me. He's like a wasp that will not go away, and it is making me very uncomfortable. Even though I am an adult, he tries to tell me what to do and how to do it. I am so confused; please help me. -- LETTING GO IN TEXAS

DEAR LETTING GO: Keep in mind that your father means well. He doesn't understand you are now an adult and don't need his interventions. Have a talk with both of your parents about this. Tell them your father's constant messaging is making you extremely uncomfortable. Ask him to please stop and warn them both that if he doesn't, you will be forced to block his communication and keep your distance from him.

DEAR ABBY: My best girlfriend for 40 years broke up with me because, after she told me she and her husband were having marital problems, I told her the last time we two couples were using their hot tub, her hubby was stroking my leg with his foot. I know I ruined everything, but I thought she should know. Did I do the right thing? I have written long letters of apology, but she has completely shut me out. -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN OHIO

DEAR TELLING: You did nothing wrong by telling your longtime friend. The fault that the friendship is over doesn't lie with you. She is probably embarrassed, or her husband lied and told her what he did was harmless.