DEAR ABBY: My 53-year-old daughter is an addict. First it was alcohol, then hard drugs and opioids. This has been going off and on for 40 years.

She hit bottom recently. She became homeless and ended up in a women's shelter in another state. She says she's been clean about six months. The shelter helped her find a place to live, and she draws a disability check, so she has everything she needs.

She constantly contacts me and her father saying she wants to come home. We have helped her to the point of mental, physical and financial exhaustion, and we just can't go there again. It's the most difficult thing we've ever gone through. We know we shouldn't continue to enable her, but if we don't, we feel like terrible parents. Any advice would be much appreciated. -- TERRIBLE PARENTS IN INDIANA

DEAR PARENTS: You already know what will happen if you cave in to your daughter's begging to "come home." From now on, when she asks, remind her that she already IS home, in the place the people from the shelter helped her to find. Her troubles have nothing to do with you. They are the result of the life she created for herself. You already know that enabling her hasn't worked. The time has come for you and your husband to take better care of yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I separated after 56 years of marriage. I recently found out she had been raped. Twice. The first was somebody I worked around at the air base. The second was by her father to "teach her a lesson" for getting raped the first time.

When I asked her about it, she said it was none of my business because it happened before we met, but I think she should have told me. I worked around the first guy. Who knows what he told the other airmen behind my back? I also asked very personal questions of her dad, which I now regret. My question is, was she right or should she have told me? -- UPSET PERSON IN THE EAST

DEAR UPSET PERSON: I doubt that the person who worked with you on the air base would have spent much time bragging about having raped, so please, stop obsessing about what the person might have said. That your wife was raped later by her own father must have been devastating. Both of the animals who abused her belonged in jail.

That said, although your wife probably should have told you what happened to her, she was not obligated to do so. Your marriage is over. Let it go!

DEAR ABBY: With the stay-at-home order still in place in many states, take-out or delivery is the only option for nights when we don't want to cook. How much should we be tipping the people who deliver our food? With sites like Grubhub, which offer free delivery, do these drivers/deliverers get paid? I feel bad for someone coming to my house and leaving a bag of food on my doorstep, and I want to make sure they are compensated. How much would be a reasonable tip? -- LIKES MY DELIVERY

DEAR LIKES: The Grubhub website recommends a $5 or 20% tip -- whichever is greater. When you tip, the money goes straight to the delivery drivers, as it should. Some orders may include an additional delivery fee, but it is not a tip, and drivers don't receive that money, so make sure not to deduct it from the amount you tip.

DEAR ABBY: I wrote to you 12 years ago as a suicidal teenager. I'm thankful to be writing now from a very different place. I'm 28, happily married, with one child.

I was born into a hyperconservative cult and home-schooled until I was kicked out at 18. I then fell into a predictable pattern of abusive relationships and substance abuse. I have been sober for six years now, and have been in various kinds of therapy longer than that. I now self-counsel daily with journaling, meditation and exercise -- and regularly return to therapy when my old patterns resurface.

My gripe: I'm now a happy, energetic person, so much so that I am routinely mistaken for a teenager and summarily dismissed. Everyone -- employers, friends, even family members who "conveniently" missed out on my troubled years -- does this. It never happened when I was miserable, hiding behind makeup and uncomfortable clothing, barely able to function. How can I again command the respect I did as an angsty teen, but without the angst?

I'm an awesome mother and a loving wife, not to mention a healthy person because I've worked hard for years to get this way. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, and I'm tired of my personal satisfaction being misconstrued as naivete, or worse, vanity. Advice? -- CAME THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE

DEAR CAME THROUGH: You have every right to be proud of what you have accomplished. Do you act the same way at work as you do when hanging out with friends or family? You may need to adjust your behavior according to the situation. If you have trouble doing this, some sessions with your therapist might make the process easier.

DEAR ABBY: I am angry at the lack of praise given to respiratory therapists who are on the front lines of coronavirus patient care. Everything is doctor, nurse. By all means they deserve praise, but who do you think is also a vital part in fighting this respiratory virus? We manage those ventilators many hotspots are in desperate need of. We give those breathing treatments that help to calm the airways as this virus takes a toll on the lungs.

All health care workers, as well as individuals who work in hospitals and are considered essential, should receive this praise. We come to work each day uncertain whether we will be exposed or contract the virus. Yes, it's a trying time for everyone, but I want the world to be aware of these unsung heroes. -- TAKING A DEEP BREATH

DEAR TAKING: So do I, which is why I am printing your letter. All of the courageous men and women who put their well-being at risk in service to their patients and their community are heroes as far as I am concerned. I, as well as my readers, pray for your safety and success in this battle against this novel virus.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy for about a year. We are both 30. He lives at home. At first I thought it was to take care of his elderly father, but I soon realized it wasn't the case.

His mom is sweet, yet overbearing. She inserts herself into his life at every opportunity. She talks to him like he's the butler. ("Oh, perfect son of mine! Won't you clear off the dinner table/clean the kitchen/do everything?!") They cook together every night and attend church events together. He's in the choir with her because he said it "pleases" her. I think those are things he should be doing with a significant other.

I don't feel secure in this relationship because I don't know my place. I feel like I have to compete with her (even though she tries to include me in everything). I see how she manipulates him, and it tears me apart inside. (She needs him so much.) I view it as a hindrance to his own life. He is doing for her what he could be doing for himself or his own family, but he's stuck in this Mommy cycle.

He will receive a large inheritance when his parents die. Could that be why he does it? He is a great lover and emotionally intelligent, but he depends on his mother too much for my comfort. I caught them in a long embrace (hug) after she had been away all weekend with his father. Then she came over to us while we were watching a movie and started kissing his head! It grossed me out. Help! -- DON'T WANT THIS THREESOME

DEAR DON'T: After reading your letter, it's apparent that you are competing with his mother rather than she competing with you. There's a saying that if you want to know how a man will treat his wife, watch how he treats his mother. Rather than feel manipulated, be glad she tries to include you in the family circle. And keep in mind, if you want to enjoy the earthly rewards after the woman goes on to her heavenly one, she and her "perfect son" are a package deal.

DEAR ABBY: I purchased a beautiful Tiffany engagement ring, but my girlfriend rejected my proposal. I will get only pennies on the dollar if I sell it. Would it be acceptable to save it for a future engagement proposal? -- PRACTICAL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PRACTICAL: Your letter illustrates the impracticality of buying an engagement ring before proposing. Whatever happened to the tradition of proposing and then, if the person says yes, selecting a ring together?

In recent years -- thanks to social media -- engagements have become more like invitations to a high school prom -- elaborate and over-the-top. I do not think you should compound your mistake by offering another woman that ring in an effort to save money. If she were to find out, she would likely be both disappointed and hurt.