DEAR ABBY: I recently had a child with a man who is now incarcerated. I was widowed when I met him, and although he brought me happiness, it has come at a steep price.

I pay for literally everything. I love him very much, but his entitlement was an issue even before he had legal issues. Now he has become very nasty and minimizes everything I do.

If I send $100, he's upset that I didn't send $200. If I have a day off from work that I don't spend communicating with a lawyer and the courts, I'm "not taking initiative." He has even gone so far as to say it was my fault he got in trouble because I was on his case so often that he "had to go out to get some peace." His only redeeming quality is his wonderful relationship with the kids, who see none of our fights and regard him as a father figure.

He is now even more negative and derogatory than when he was at home. I manage a busy restaurant and a household of five children. Since he has been away, I'm ashamed to say life has actually been less stressful.

I think my loneliness when I met him made it easier to ignore red flags. In every other aspect of my life, I am an independent woman who has the respect of my peers. Is it too late to set boundaries with him? -- GROWING IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROWING: This emotionally abusive individual is milking you like you are a Guernsey cow. His ingratitude is boundless. You are not the reason he got himself in trouble with the law, and it isn't your responsibility to get him out or support him financially.

It is way too late to set boundaries with this manipulative ingrate. He won't change. What you must do now -- for your own sake and for your children's -- is tell him you are finished and cut ties with him.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Kansas and my boyfriend lives in another state. We talk online all the time, but I haven't heard from him in three days and I don't know what to think. My friends say I'm being paranoid, but I can't help but think that he might be seeing another girl. I've had problems like this before and ended up getting hurt because I didn't listen when my friends told me that a guy was cheating. What should I do? -- LONG-DISTANCE LOVE

DEAR L.D.L.: Recognize that as much as two people might care about each other, long-distance romances don't always have fairytale endings. I don't know if your boyfriend is cheating. Neither do you and neither do your friends.

It's time for you to have a calm conversation with your boyfriend. Tell him you were worried by his three-day silence because it was unusual. Let him respond. If you are satisfied with his answer, change the subject. However, if you aren't, ask him if he has met someone closer to home and tell him to level with you. It takes courage to do this, but it will save you a lot of pain in the long run.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter just informed me she has decided she would be happier living as a boy, and she has gone so far as to legally change her name. I want to be supportive, but I admit I'm having a lot of trouble accepting it, or at least figuring out how to deal with it.

She's my only grandchild and most likely the only one I'll ever have. I loved my granddaughter with all my heart, and I don't know how to shift gears to a grandson. I keep stumbling when I try to use the new name. I would welcome any suggestions you could make, including information about support groups you might know of. -- GRANDMA IN PAIN

DEAR GRANDMA: Gender reassignment is not something that someone does on a lark. There are many steps involved, and the journey, while liberating, can be challenging both physically and emotionally. I am sure this is something your grandchild has given much thought to.

Yes, coming to terms with it can be as much of a journey for family as it is for the transgender person, and it can take time and understanding on all sides. A group called PFLAG can help you through this. It has been mentioned in my column for decades. It has helped countless families to build bridges of understanding between themselves and their lesbian, gay and transgender loved ones. Please don't wait to contact them. You will find PFLAG at pflag.org, and their phone number is (202) 467-8180.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old man. My whole life, my relationship with my father has been strained. When I was in my teens and 20s, when he bought presents for my two siblings and not for me, he would say things to me like, "I forgot I had you."

In spite of this, I became very successful in life. I had a great career and am now retired. My father recently announced to me that he had made only two mistakes in his life -- marrying my mother, who has put up with him for more than 60 years, and having children.

My dilemma is, he is now 90 with many health problems. He is in the hospital now for a heart problem. I know he won't last much longer. I feel nothing for him, and I am not sad. When he dies, I know I won't care. Is this normal? I feel guilty for feeling this way. -- DON'T CARE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DON'T CARE: Please don't feel guilty for feeling no regret at the prospect of "losing" a cruel and withholding parent who made it his business to make those around him feel "less than." Do not be surprised if, rather than feel a sense of loss, you feel at peace, as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You should not feel guilty for that, either. Comfort and emotionally support your mother as best you can when he dies, but don't be shocked if she, too, feels some relief. Their union could not have been the happiest.

DEAR ABBY: When I stopped by my brother's house a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that his 9-year-old son was grounded in his bedroom. He was being punished for snooping in his dad's vintage collection of porn.

At first I was upset with my brother and his wife, because it was their fault that the boy had access to it, and boys are naturally curious. But when I found out what his punishment was, I became enraged. Their "brilliant" idea was to make my nephew disgusted with porn by forcing him to look at the entire collection for three hours instead of playing outside.

Maybe this tactic works for cigarette smoking or chewing tobacco, but this seemed very wrong. I was so appalled, I overstepped; I went straight into my nephew's room and told him he was allowed to go outside and play. Abby, what do you think? Am I being ridiculous? What should I have done? -- APPALLED IN OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: The child's punishment was extreme and inappropriate. What you should have done was point out to your brother and sister-in-law that their punishment may have been counterproductive. Rather than working as aversion therapy, it could result in whetting their son's appetite for more. You might also have suggested they consult a child psychologist for suggestions on how to deal with their son's budding sexual curiosity, which is entirely normal, and urged that from now on they keep their collection under lock and key.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met a very nice woman online. During our first phone call, she told me about an injury she received a few months ago that has left her with a disability. I'm not bothered by it, and I'd like to get to know her better.

From the way she responded to a few things, I got the impression that she is still coming to terms with what has happened, as anyone would be. I have no experience with a situation like this, and I have no idea if, from the perspective of dating, it is the right thing to engage someone who is going through this. Any thoughts? -- TENTATIVE IN INDIANA

DEAR TENTATIVE: Yes, it's the right thing -- but only if you can be supportive and patient during what has to be an extremely emotionally disruptive time in this woman's life. I am sure she could use a supportive male friend right now, as long as you two can continue to have an open and honest dialogue with each other.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old son lives with me for financial reasons, and I love him dearly. He helps with bills and works a full-time job. My only problem with him is he wears the same pair of pants for weeks without washing them and hasn't washed his sheets in months. I didn't raise him that way. He does take a shower every night.

He owns only one pair of pants, and I can't get him to buy another pair. I have complained to him several times about the bad smell. How can I get him to change his ways? -- FED-UP MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: At this point in his life, that may not be possible. It seems strange to me that someone who smells bad could hold a full-time job, but I will take your word for it. The easiest solution to your problem might be for you to wash his bedding every few weeks. As to the fact that he has only one pair of pants, buy him a pair for his next birthday or for Christmas -- whichever comes sooner.