DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 26 years. Five years ago, my husband gave a young lady $5,000 through credit card charges over a six-month period. We are not wealthy. When I found the charges in our credit report, he took a second job to pay it off.

I don't think their relationship was sexual because he is impotent. It was hurtful. While he was taking this young lady shopping, he told me he was at work.

Recently, I (accidentally) caught him going to another young lady's apartment to help her with things like hanging a TV. I don't care if he helps people. What I DO care about is his sneaking around to do it. I have tried talking to him about why he feels he needs to sneak. He has no answer. What makes men sneak? -- DECEIVED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DECEIVED: Your husband may fear your disapproval of his relationships -- however platonic they may be -- with these younger women. What makes people of both genders sneak, by the way, is usually a sense of guilt.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, my 33-year-old son, his girlfriend and their 4-year-old son all live with me. They are expecting their second child. I own the home and pay all the bills (utilities, phone, food, etc.).

The problem is, my kids don't like my boyfriend. His grandkids call me Grandma, so I would like my grandkids to call him Grandpa. My son and his girlfriend won't allow their son to do it. They insist on calling him by his first name.

I asked for a compromise and to call him Uncle. They refuse and say he didn't "earn" that name. I said it's just teaching the children to respect their elders. When I grew up and when I raised my son, we called older people Aunty and Uncle. I'm not sure what to do because we all live in the same house, and I would like all of us to get along. -- WISHING FOR RESPECT IN HAWAII

DEAR WISHING: You may have taught your son to respect his elders when he was growing up, but it appears he has had a serious memory lapse. Shame on him.

Because you foot all of the bills for the roof over his and his family's heads as well as the food in their mouths, remind him that you are the head of that household, and you will not have anyone with whom you are involved disrespected. As it stands, you and your boyfriend are being disrespected, so as head of the household, please assert yourself.

DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Justin," is getting married. He told his dad the other day that his fiancee would like for my husband to go with Justin to his salon to get his hair cut and beard trimmed for the wedding. My husband is upset about it because he feels his soon-to-be daughter-in-law is implying that his haircut isn't good enough. As the wife and future mother-in-law, I'm unsure how to handle this situation. Help, please. -- GROOMING GROOM'S DAD IN GEORGIA

DEAR G.G.D.I.G.: Try to get your offended spouse to laugh about it. Point out that everyone looks better with a fresh haircut and a trim. Even you and me. Most people want to spruce up and make themselves more presentable for a special event. Why should your husband be any different?

DEAR ABBY: My mother has become very "spiritual" over the last eight years or so. Recently, it has become all-consuming and on the verge of becoming detrimental. She often refers to her "guides" (she says they are feelings, but I think she's getting brainwashed by human "guides" online), who have convinced her to withdraw thousands of dollars from her bank before the second wave of COVID-19 hits.

I recently became engaged. We don't plan to be married until 2022 so our guests can have a fun, safe time at our wedding. Mom wants to take a "mediumship certification" class, which will run for 18 months. The actual certification is scheduled for the month we told her we may want to get married, so now she's trying to guilt me into changing the date. She copied me on the email she sent to the teacher in which she said she would try to "direct me to choose a different date." I let her know she's not going to dictate our wedding day, but is there something more here that needs to be addressed? -- CERTIFIABLY ANNOYED

DEAR ANNOYED: I don't think so. Your mother's spiritual life is her personal business, and it would be a mistake to attempt to make it yours. Unless you are convinced her spirit guides cheated her out of the money she withdrew -- in which case you should contact the authorities and report it -- let her live her life as you are pursuing your own.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 22 years. They have been a rough 22 years, and I'm no longer in love with him. I will not be looking for another husband should we get divorced.

We tried counseling as well as a Retrouvaille weekend, which was hard emotionally as we learned a new way of communicating. However, after the weekend, I would always initiate the skills we learned, but he would not.

He's retired. I'm still working, yet nothing is getting done around the house. I'm tired of feeling stressed. I don't like cleaning up after him and our daughters, and I'm thinking of moving out.

I feel overwhelmed and want to live by myself for a period of time, but something is stopping me from signing a lease. Our daughters are in college, and my door will be open to them anytime. Should I move out? -- ON THE VERGE IN TEXAS

DEAR ON THE VERGE: Perhaps. However, before you sign anything -- including divorce papers -- please consider discussing your feelings of stress and being overwhelmed with a licensed psychotherapist. Some time away from your stressors might be helpful for you, and a therapist may be able to help you determine how long a period that should be before making anything permanent.

DEAR ABBY: I am a male reader with a complaint. Have you noticed that women hardly ever compliment men? On ANYTHING! They expect men to compliment them but never reciprocate.

If you move furniture, take them out for a nice dinner, buy tickets to their favorite show, buy them a gift, they don't have enough manners or couth to say thank you or express appreciation. Getting a compliment is like pulling teeth from a great white shark while he's feeding.

Don't women ever think, "Maybe I should say something to HIM instead of expecting him to say it to me"? Where do they learn this behavior? Are they taught this growing up? Or do they just not care or even realize? -- SHAKING MY HEAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SHAKING: My late mother, God rest her soul, once commented to me that people with "class" never use that word. In this case, I will make an exception and tell you that individuals of both sexes who have class were taught from early childhood the magic words "please" and "thank you," and to express gratitude.

I don't know what kind of women you are involved with, but I'm suggesting it is time to upgrade the quality. Do not spoil anyone who isn't willing to spoil you right back.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going to the same poke joint for more than five years now. Several of the employees have worked there for years. I feel at this point, I should know their names, but they don't wear name tags, and I'm embarrassed to ask what their names are after so many years. They don't know mine either, but they know enough about me to ask how my son is doing or how my work is going.

I like calling people by their names, but I'm a little shy and awkward and don't know how to ask. Should I just keep our weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) exchanges at surface-level chitchat without worrying about what their names are? -- FRIENDLY IN THE WEST

DEAR FRIENDLY: You can certainly do that. It has worked for you so far. However, if you would like to know the employees' names, just say that you are "terrible with names, and embarrassed to even have to ask after all this time, but ... what is your name? My name is (insert name)."

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married next month, and I'm so nervous. What can I do to not be scared? -- COLD FEET IN FLORIDA

DEAR COLD FEET: I wish you had been more forthcoming about what you are worried about. Is it the wedding ceremony and your wedding day? If that's the case, have faith that you and your fiance will make it through together because you will. Is it your wedding night? A talk with your doctor should allay your fears.

Is it that you are unsure about the person you are marrying? If that's the case, postpone the wedding and schedule premarital counseling for you and your intended. In some religions, the clergy recommend this type of counseling so issues like money and child-rearing can be discussed and not cause serious problems later.