DEAR ABBY: My beautiful 17-year-old stepdaughter, "Amelia," recently became sexually active. She's in a "serious" relationship with the boy she had sex with. They have been together for six months, and from what she's told me, they both gave each other their virginity and protection was used. She has not disclosed this to her parents.

My husband and Amelia are very close, but she and her mom recently had a falling-out. Amelia pledged me to secrecy, and I immediately scheduled her to see an OB/GYN to get her on birth control.

My question is, should I tell my husband? I feel awful not telling him, but she has told me she doesn't want either of her parents to know. I'm grateful she comes to me for things like this, but eventually, it's going to come out when my husband sees the explanation of benefits from the insurance.

Amelia's mom and I have a solid relationship, and my husband and her mom also have a good one. I don't want to keep secrets regarding their daughter, but I don't want to betray my stepdaughter either. Please help. -- STRUGGLING STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: It isn't necessary to betray your stepdaughter's confidence to get her the help she needs. Go online to plannedparenthood.org, locate the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and share that information with Amelia. The organization provides a wide range of low-cost services to women and men, including family planning, STD diagnosis and treatment, and birth control on a confidential basis. You should also encourage Amelia to discuss this with her parents. She is behaving responsibly in wanting to protect herself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for decades, but 10 years ago she had, at the least, a texting affair with "Brad," a longtime friend of her brother's. Her brother, who knows about the affair, lives on a large tract of land owned by their father. Brad is there often to go hunting with her brother. My wife and I used to visit frequently, but now there is some concern that Brad might be there and we'll have a conflict, so we don't go as much. The affair was very upsetting to me, but my wife insisted we keep it quiet so her brother could continue his friendship with Brad.

Over the years, she has occasionally had online contact with Brad and even told him that she appreciated him talking with our son because our son has few friends. But now our son, who knows nothing about the affair or how bad it hurt me, has become friendly with Brad. It is very difficult hearing him talk about things they do together. Should we tell our son about the affair? -- STILL HURT IN TEXAS

DEAR STILL HURT: Tempting as it may be to "out" your wife to your son, keep that information to yourself. I question the wisdom of Brad having been encouraged to cultivate a relationship with your son since this friendship is the fruit of that decision. Because you prefer not to hear what your son and Brad are doing, the next time it comes up, change the subject. He may or may not catch on and question you about the reason, but if he does, all you need to say is you'd rather not discuss it.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister moved in with me after she was placed on furlough because of the pandemic. I was resistant to her moving in because she likes to run the show, she has taken financial advantage of every family member, never admits she's wrong, and I was worried she'd take over. But I wanted to help her save money, so I said yes.

Now it's like I'm walking on eggshells. Every time I make a simple request, she accuses me of trying to act like her mother! After six months she asked if I'd prefer she move in with our parents, and I said yes. Now she's upset, and my parents are begging me to let her stay because they don't want to deal with her. I just want my peace back. What should I do? -- TIRED LITTLE SISTER

DEAR TIRED: I'll tell you what NOT to do. Do not relent. She asked if you'd prefer she move in with your parents, and you answered her honestly. Set a date for her to be out and stick to it. It will save your sanity.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a very hands-on person, recently retired, and I would like to do volunteer work. Sounds simple, right? Well, it seems no one needs volunteers. I have been looking for something, preferably ecological in nature, for two years. But whenever I inquire, I'm flooded with appeals for money. I was hoping you might give me some more ideas. -- BROKE BUT AVAILABLE

DEAR BROKE: You describe yourself as hands-on with an interest in things that are ecological. Because your efforts are not needed at the organizations you contacted, modify your search.

Would you be interested in helping to keep your neighborhood clean and free of trash, starting a vegetable garden to feed the needy, performing yard and gardening chores for elderly members of your community who can no longer do it themselves? How about teaching a class in ecology at a community center?

If that is not to your liking, would you deliver meals to shut-ins for a while? An animal hospital or pet rescue group may be able to use a willing hand in exercising the animals in their care. The options are there. Sample them until you find something to your liking.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something woman and have been with my partner for four years. I am the mother of three boys; he's a father of two girls. We live at my house.

Whenever his youngest comes to visit (she's 16), she insists on his every second of attention. He eats it up. It's so frustrating. They both ignore the fact that I am here. It's very upsetting and, I don't think it's normal. What about you? -- MIFFED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MIFFED: Have you discussed this with your partner? I don't know how often the girl comes to visit, but clearly she is starved for her father's attention. I don't think you should begrudge it unless her visits last for an extended period. Of course, your partner and his daughter should be respectful and not treat you like an old piece of furniture or a servant, but you might be less upset if you use some of that time to pursue interests or relationships of your own.

DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, I met a lady I will call Amber. We were instantly attracted to each other. The first date went well, and we reached first base (kissing). On the second date, we reached second base (fondling). On the third date, which was also going well, after I finished paying the check for dinner, I asked her if she wanted to continue where we had left off. Amber said no. I was fine with it.

Later that night, when we spoke over the phone, I pointed out, nicely, that she did not even say thank you for dinner, and Amber got offended. I decided to end things after that phone call. I felt she was being disrespectful of my feelings by not listening to what I was saying.

Fast-forward: Her birthday is in two weeks, and I don't know if I should bury the hatchet by dropping her a Happy Birthday text that day because I really did overall like her. -- BRAND-NEW IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR BRAND-NEW: Amber may have become offended when, after she declined to proceed with further intimacy, you told her she "hadn't even" thanked you for the dinner. When I read that line, for a moment I wondered if you equated the two and had expected that after buying her dinner you were guaranteed sexual favors in return. The two of you have a significant communication deficit. Contact her again only if you are willing to acknowledge that fact and hope she is willing to work on it with you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently found out we're expecting our first child. We have been married for five years, and while we are still fairly young, this has been a long time in coming. For both of our families, this will be the first grandchild.

My brother is getting married next month. We live in a different state but plan to fly home for the wedding. My husband says we cannot tell our families about the pregnancy on this trip because we don't want to "overshadow the happy weekend with additional good news." This means we would need to tell them over video chat (not in person), since going home for a separate trip is not an option due to COVID.

While I see his point and certainly don't want to overshadow the wedding, I don't see why we can't tell them a few days before the wedding so that it's in person and I won't have to answer a bunch of questions from close family about why I'm not drinking at the wedding. My brother's fiancee and I do not get along, and I'm not in the wedding party (if that makes a difference). Please advise. -- ANONYMOUS MOM-TO-BE

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: I am voting with your husband. Do not upstage your brother and his bride-to-be, tempting as it may be. To do otherwise will take the spotlight off the happy couple and aim it directly at your belly. While this might seem like a welcome opportunity to stick your finger in the eye of a woman you dislike, keep in mind that in a short time she will be family and impossible to avoid. The less friction the better.