DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Melanie" is very close with a cousin she grew up with. This cousin is getting married in five months, and Melanie will be a bridesmaid. The shower date was announced. Then my son-in-law's best friend from childhood announced his wedding date. The wedding is on the same date as my niece's shower.

The events are about four hours apart, so it isn't possible for Melanie to go to both. She told her cousin she was sorry but she felt she needed to attend the wedding with her husband, who is in his friend's wedding party. Melanie will attend the bachelorette party in Vegas and all the other events for her cousin.

The bride's sister is giving my daughter a hard time, saying she "can't believe" Melanie would miss the shower. Melanie is now afraid she's jeopardizing her relationship with her cousins, as they have told her how upset they are. I support her decision to attend the wedding and skip the shower. There are four other bridesmaids, and another one is also unable to attend. What would you do, and how can I be helpful to my daughter without causing a bigger rift in the family? -- WEDDING DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA

DEAR W.D.D.D.: The pressure your daughter is receiving from her cousins is inappropriate. She isn't obligated to attend any event she doesn't wish to, and her reason for skipping the shower is a valid one. She should choose a gift for her cousin, have it delivered and apologize once for being unable to be there in person. Continuing to provide emotional support to your daughter is the best way you can be helpful to her.

DEAR ABBY: Four months ago, I noticed a lady walking down the street. She was older, and I could tell by her posture she was struggling. I offered to drive her so she didn't have to walk. It turned out she was walking from a bus stop to a transit bus to catch it for work. She works in a different county than she lives in, so the first bus doesn't take her all the way.

Long story short, I have been driving this lady to work from the bus stop every morning, picking her up from work and taking her home, picking her up on the weekend days she works, and then transporting her to and from work. (I don't work on the weekends.) She lives about 10 miles from me. She has not once offered to pay for gas, which doesn't bother me, but she has recently started asking me for money.

I've purchased coffees for her on several occasions and driven her to stores only to find out I'm paying for the purchases. I have picked her up, and without any warning she says she needs to go to other places, too. She doesn't have a car, doesn't earn a lot of money, etc. I think I need to stop driving her, but I know I'll feel guilty because she has no one to help her. How do I end this one-sided relationship? -- MIFFED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MIFFED: The woman you have so generously befriended appears to be a bottomless pit. You were kind to her, and she is taking advantage of your generosity. It appears you have work to do on creating boundaries. Tell her you will no longer be driving her and be clear about the reasons. If you don't, there is no end to what she will ask you for. Trust me, once you draw the line, this woman will manage just as she managed before.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my mid-30s without much family. I'm an only child and have no relationship with my father. The relationship I have with my mother is extremely toxic.

I have suffered my entire life from a severe shopping addiction. I recently relapsed, and I'm trying to recover financially. I can't afford counseling right now, and I can't ask for help from my mother because of how horribly she shames me about my addiction. In fact, I have realized that having her in my life at all is a massive trigger because she constantly puts me down for not being financially stable as an adult. She also constantly compares me not only to herself when she was my age, but to others in my generation.

How can I tell her I no longer want her in my life for the sake of my mental health and addiction recovery? -- PULLING BACK IN TEXAS

DEAR PULLING: I'm not sure if you are already aware of it, but many people use shopping as a way of coping with depression. You may be one of them. Before taking on that difficult conversation, do some research and find out what county mental health services may be available in your area. They are usually offered on a sliding fee scale. There are also 12-step programs for compulsive shoppers that you might find helpful. Please go online and research some of them as well.

As to what to say to your mother, try this: "Mom, I know I need help for my shopping addiction. I am seeking it now. While I am in recovery, you won't be hearing from me for a while, so don't worry. We will talk eventually."

DEAR ABBY: I lost my best friend of 32 years in a car accident three months ago. She was the best friend a person could possibly have. She would not only give you the shirt off her back, but she would then ask what else you needed. We had been through so much together. This would be the kind of thing I would turn to her for comfort while going through. She was cremated, and I didn't see her before that, so I didn't get closure. I feel so empty and unfinished. What do I do? -- NOT WELL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT WELL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your dear friend. The circumstances of your loss make it more difficult, but it is not insurmountable. Because there is no "place" you can go to mourn her, you might find closure by writing her a letter telling her all the things you weren't able to say before her death. Then choose a private site you both used to enjoy, read it aloud to her and burn it, knowing she will always be alive in your heart. If this is not sufficient, consider asking your physician or religious adviser about a grief support group to help you work this through.

DEAR ABBY: I married a proud Scotsman a year ago who often wears kilts. When we go out, women think nothing of coming over and lifting his kilt, which exposes him to anyone who has a visual advantage. These women scream with glee and then become physically aggressive with their hands. Frankly, I am shocked and horrified anyone would do this.

The last time it happened a woman ripped his kilt off and the police became involved. Originally, the police were going to charge my husband with indecent exposure. After several hours, it became clear that it was the woman who assaulted my husband. The police then kinda laughed it off. They didn't plan on doing anything further. We were furious.

Why is there a double standard that women feel they can lift a man's kilt to expose him and call it fun, yet the same women would scream sexual assault if a man lifted their skirt? Women need to understand that lifting a man's kilt is sexual assault and should be treated as the crime it is. Now, every time a woman does it, we immediately call the police and report the crime. The perpetrators are then shocked and angry that they are being arrested for a sex crime for something they thought was innocent fun and games. Your column reaches many readers. With your help, we can help women understand that doing this is unacceptable. -- DOUBLE STANDARD

DEAR DOUBLE: It is no more acceptable to lift a man's kilt "in the name of fun" than it would be to pull his trousers down. I hope any person reading this, who didn't have the common sense to know better, will take note and respect the personal space of Scotsmen and ALL individuals. (It beats finding one's name on a sex offender registry.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents did well financially. Mom passed away 20 years ago. My brother has always been unstable. He's a violent, abusive drug addict and a con artist. Dad was extremely ill during his last few years. My brother abused him, stole his meds, refused to support him and ordered Dad to get out of his life. So he did. Dad wrote my brother out of his will and left everything to me. My brother carries a weapon and, for my family's sake, I have cut contact. Distant family think I haven't been fair by separating myself from him and not splitting the inheritance. Am I wrong? -- HEIRESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR HEIRESS: You are not "wrong"; you are intelligent and prudent. Your sibling has repeatedly demonstrated that he is nothing but trouble and he isn't going to change. You stated that the family members who are urging you be closer to an armed felon are "distant." If you are as smart as I think you are, you will ignore their bad advice and cease contact with them, too.