DEAR ABBY: I have been married 45 years. It may not be the most loving or agreeable marriage, but it has always been steady, nonviolent and monogamous. Last year I had COVID, and I now have long-term symptoms with compromised immunity.

I recently had a bad outbreak of genital herpes. My doctor told me it can lay dormant for many years -- but 45? My husband swears he has been faithful, and part of me believes him. I want to believe him -- but I know I have never cheated. Neither of us ever had problems with breakouts, other than one many years ago we thought was probably heat rash when he worked outside in the summer. This has caused me to lose trust in him and wonder if he's lying. Our sex life, which had always been healthy, has stopped.

Have you ever heard of herpes being dormant for this long? I'm so embarrassed and angry. I haven't told anyone. I have never heard of this. -- PERPLEXED IN MISSOURI

DEAR PERPLEXED: Genital herpes is a common ailment for which there are treatments. My research tells me herpes can lie dormant for years without a flare-up. If your doctor isn't aware of what's going on, this is the person you should consult for the answer to that question. If your husband has given you no other reason to distrust his faithfulness, please give him the benefit of the doubt.

P.S. You stated that your sex life has now ceased. Was this your idea or your husband's? This is another conversation you should have with your doctor, and I hope you will do it soon.

DEAR ABBY: I am a straight male who has a long-term friendship with a lesbian co-worker I'll call "Mickey." I have always had an interest in her but never suggested anything due to her sexual orientation. Recently, Mickey told me she has feelings for me, too. We go out a couple times a week now and the relationship has changed from the flirtatious one it was for years to something more.

We have gone back and forth and now we're discussing buying a home together, which has me confused. (I can only imagine how confused she must feel.) I love and care for her and have told her so. Maybe that was a bad idea. I am debating putting my feelings aside to make it easier for her to deal with her sexuality, but I love her and don't want to lose her. Please advise me on how to proceed. -- CONFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You and Mickey need to have a series of conversations. Among the topics should be where your relationship may be leading in light of the fact that she identifies as lesbian rather than bisexual. Is marriage in the picture? Will buying a house together be an investment or a commitment on the part of both of you? Will each of you put in an equal amount of money? (It goes without saying that the arrangement should be formalized in the office of an attorney, so you both are protected in case things don't work out.) Once you and Mickey have done this, the answer to your dilemma will be apparent.

DEAR ABBY: I recently backed out of an adoption. I feel terrible about it. How can I mentally and emotionally get over this? My baby girl is 4 months old now, and my guilt is getting worse. I backed out three days before she was born.

The couple I had chosen turned out to be unprofessional and emotionally unstable. They not only caused me several problems but also my job, which I loved. During the four months I knew them, they treated me poorly, and I realized it was better for my little one not to go through with the adoption.

They are now trying to make me out to be a bad person who used them financially -- something I really did not. I'm glad now that I kept my daughter. So why do I keep feeling so bad about my decision? -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: If I had to guess the reason, I would say it may be because you know your last-minute change of mind caused this couple pain. A way to assuage your guilt might be to work out a payment plan so they are not out the money they spent. (The lawyer or agency that arranged the adoption may be able to guide you.)

DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters. We were very close until our mother passed away two years ago. In her trust, the proceeds from the sale of her house were to be divided among the three of us. Only one sister has children. (They are grown.) My two sisters have decided we should split the proceeds from Mom's house (about $800,000) five ways to include the adult children. Their mother has threatened to "disown me" if I don't go along with the five-way split.

I have always done right by her "kids," and neither sister bothered to ask for my reason for not wanting to include my nephew and niece in the inheritance. I love my sisters and do not want to lose them, but I also don't want to be bullied into a decision I cannot support. -- TO DIVIDE OR NOT TO DIVIDE

DEAR TO DIVIDE: Your mother's wishes were that the money be divided three ways. Your sisters should abide by the directions of the trust. I agree you shouldn't be bullied or threatened into taking less than your mother wanted you to have. If your sisters want "the kids" to have a share of the inheritance, they should gift the amount from their portion rather than extort it from you. Their attitude has not only tarnished something that should have been a blessing, but also created a rift in the family, and that's a shame.

DEAR ABBY: I could really use your help. I don't know how to respond to people I hardly know who end conversations with "I love you." I don't feel comfortable saying that to someone and not meaning it. This isn't like saying, "Have a nice day." Is there a polite way of responding without saying something that to me is totally inappropriate to someone I only have a casual relationship with? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Respond this way: "What a sweet thing to say. Thank you!" Then smile and fade out.

DEAR ABBY: A lady friend of mine I've known for more than 20 years and I recently lost our spouses to COVID in the same hospital, four rooms apart from each other. During the 2 1/2 weeks that our spouses were in the hospital, we visited, prayed for and offered comfort to each other, as well as after their passing.

Throughout the years, we had always had a slight attraction to each other, and we realize that it's still there. We know each other's flaws as well as good points. Keep in mind we were very much in love with our spouses, and we're able to openly talk about them as well as grieve for them. We also find a great sense of comfort in each other's company but, over time, our physical attraction has grown.

I'm 64 and she's 57, and we're both experienced in the game of life. My question is, it's been only two months since our spouses died, so would it be wrong for us to start seeing each other on a romantic basis or is this too soon? Also, there's the question of being judged by others. -- NEW WIDOWER IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEW WIDOWER: Please allow me to offer my sympathy for your loss. You and this lady are not strangers. You are adults who have known each other for a long time. If the two of you have feelings for each other, there is nothing stopping you from exploring your relationship to see where it leads. Understand that this is a process that will take more time and should not be rushed. Please don't allow your lives or your decisions to be ruled by what "others" might think.

DEAR ABBY: A couple we occasionally double-date with likes to meet for dinner. Usually, we both throw out a few suggestions, see what sounds good and go from there. Recently, though, my friend chooses the same restaurant and then announces they want to buy us dinner. The problem is, we don't care for that restaurant as they only serve one type of food -- soup. I think it's her way of controlling the cost of the meal.

I have no problem with finding other, less expensive places to go that offer options so we can all be satisfied. When I suggest something different, she goes blank and can't think of anything, and I can tell she doesn't like my suggestions. I also do not want them to buy our dinner because, again, I know finances are tight. My husband and I order appetizers for the table and we ask for them to be placed on our bill, and that seems to be OK.

How do we continue to double-date and not have the selection process create tension that spoils our night out? -- NOT APPETIZING IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT APPETIZING: You can accomplish that by speaking up. Be honest with your friend. Tell her you don't mind having dinner at the soup place once in a while, but you would prefer to go to a place that offers more variety. And while you are at it, tell her that although they are generous in wanting to pay for your meals, you and your husband prefer to either split the check 50/50 or alternate picking up the tab.