DEAR ABBY: My parents separated nearly 20 years ago. My father, who is retired, has been living alone for many years. I suspect he gets scammed for money on the internet. I know for sure it has happened twice. I have talked to him about it more than once. He routinely forwards me emails to check if they are legitimate. However, I think he falls for romance scams and is too embarrassed to tell me about it. He isn't going to be unable to pay his bills or go into debt, but I'm still concerned. Should I do more, even though it may be very uncomfortable for us both? -- CONCERNED SON IN NOVA SCOTIA

DEAR SON: If you think your father has fallen for romance scams in the past, you should have more discussions with him about how prevalent they are and what to watch out for. Do not personalize it if you think it might embarrass him, but do mention the danger of sending money to someone he might know only online. Do some research. If you think this is what may be happening, forward your findings to him after the discussion.

DEAR ABBY: I am 60 years old and married. Every time we see my wife's family, her parents pressure me to buy a car. (Our old one got totaled.) We don't leave the house often except for exercise, and our daughter delivers our groceries to us.

Because I got sick of the nagging, I purchased a 9-year-old vehicle. When I brought it home, my wife began griping incessantly about my choice. She didn't like it and wanted to return it, so I did.

The next time we saw her parents, we told them we didn't need a car and we're happy without one. It made them very upset. Every time we have seen them since, they continue to pester me about it. What should I do about this infuriating situation? -- NO CAR IN ALABAMA

DEAR NO CAR: Understand that your in-laws probably mean well, but do not allow yourself to be dragged into an argument about your decision. Tell them you do not wish to discuss it further and, if they persist, see them less often -- much less often.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful neighbor who loves to give me beautifully arranged bouquets of flowers. The problem is, although I appreciate her very much, I do not enjoy receiving flowers because I don't like seeing them die. My husband knows this. Also, I don't have enough room for all the vases. I'm not unappreciative, but I don't know how to let her know I no longer want flowers as gifts. I would like to be as tactful as possible without hurting her feelings. Please help. -- OVERWHELMED IN ARIZONA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Invite your generous neighbor to lunch and give her a small gift. (Candy, perhaps.) During the lunch thank her for her kindness and praise her for her flower arranging talent, but add that watching them die depresses you, and to please stop. Ask if she would like you to return her vases you have collected, and if she says yes, have them boxed and ready to give her after the lunch. If she refuses your offer, find out if a neighborhood florist can use them. If not, recycle or toss them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorcee who has reconnected with a childhood neighbor, "Levi." He was physically assaulted as a teenager and badly injured. He has made almost a complete recovery, but has a metal plate in his skull and a traumatic brain injury. We have always been friends, and after my divorce, he asked me out.

It felt strange, akin to dating my brother, but he was persistent. We had fun, enjoyed parties and hanging out, and I got pregnant. Immediately I began to resent Levi. Neither of us was capable of raising children. Our 5-year-old now lives in chaos.

I didn't know Levi as well as I thought. His TBI is a much bigger problem than I realized. He cannot control his temper. He's quick to yell at our son, "Jaden," and me, and puts me down in front of him. We have to move to a different area of the home to give Levi space.

He truly cannot help it, but it's hard to tolerate the tantrums. Jaden loves his father anyway and never holds a grudge. Levi frequently apologizes, but the behavior never stops. He has never been physically abusive, but he's walking a fine line with the verbal nastiness. I'm constantly a referee to prevent escalation.

I love both Levi and my son. We are not married. Should I continue trying to make it work? Or should I run for the hills with Jaden? It's loud and often contentious. -- SECOND-GUESSING MY LIFE

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: Your love for Levi is beside the point. The longer Jaden is subjected to his father's irrational outbursts -- whether they are aimed at you or at him -- the more the boy will feel this is what a normal adult relationship is like. For your son's sake, you should separate. If Levi's abuse escalates from verbal to physical, THAT'S when you should "run for the hills."

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three adult kids. We are all comfortable financially. My eldest and youngest are successful. They work hard, and enjoy their homes and their lifestyle of entertaining and eating out.

My middle child lives far away and is happy to say he is not a capitalist. He works for nonprofits and barely makes ends meet. He went to college, but dropped out in his last semester. He has no health insurance. He drives a car, but has no insurance or driver's license. He clearly knows better, but insists that all these concerns of mine are "old world and overrated" and that I worry about "nothing."

I'm sick about the mistakes I've made with him, but I'm not sure what they were. I try to focus him on his license and insurance, but nothing gets done. What's the next best step? -- HELICOPTER MOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HELICOPTER MOM: I am sorry you didn't mention what exactly your son does for these nonprofit organizations. Because they are "nonprofit" does not mean there is no money to pay their employees. Not only do staffers at nonprofits earn good wages, there are also benefits. The next best step for you would be to step back, and allow your adult son to conduct his life the way he has chosen and to accept the consequences of his irresponsibility.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 45 years. It may not be the most loving or agreeable marriage, but it has always been steady, nonviolent and monogamous. Last year I had COVID, and I now have long-term symptoms with compromised immunity.

I recently had a bad outbreak of genital herpes. My doctor told me it can lay dormant for many years -- but 45? My husband swears he has been faithful, and part of me believes him. I want to believe him -- but I know I have never cheated. Neither of us ever had problems with breakouts, other than one many years ago we thought was probably heat rash when he worked outside in the summer. This has caused me to lose trust in him and wonder if he's lying. Our sex life, which had always been healthy, has stopped.

Have you ever heard of herpes being dormant for this long? I'm so embarrassed and angry. I haven't told anyone. I have never heard of this. -- PERPLEXED IN MISSOURI

DEAR PERPLEXED: Genital herpes is a common ailment for which there are treatments. My research tells me herpes can lie dormant for years without a flare-up. If your doctor isn't aware of what's going on, this is the person you should consult for the answer to that question. If your husband has given you no other reason to distrust his faithfulness, please give him the benefit of the doubt.

P.S. You stated that your sex life has now ceased. Was this your idea or your husband's? This is another conversation you should have with your doctor, and I hope you will do it soon.

DEAR ABBY: I am a straight male who has a long-term friendship with a lesbian co-worker I'll call "Mickey." I have always had an interest in her but never suggested anything due to her sexual orientation. Recently, Mickey told me she has feelings for me, too. We go out a couple times a week now and the relationship has changed from the flirtatious one it was for years to something more.

We have gone back and forth and now we're discussing buying a home together, which has me confused. (I can only imagine how confused she must feel.) I love and care for her and have told her so. Maybe that was a bad idea. I am debating putting my feelings aside to make it easier for her to deal with her sexuality, but I love her and don't want to lose her. Please advise me on how to proceed. -- CONFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You and Mickey need to have a series of conversations. Among the topics should be where your relationship may be leading in light of the fact that she identifies as lesbian rather than bisexual. Is marriage in the picture? Will buying a house together be an investment or a commitment on the part of both of you? Will each of you put in an equal amount of money? (It goes without saying that the arrangement should be formalized in the office of an attorney, so you both are protected in case things don't work out.) Once you and Mickey have done this, the answer to your dilemma will be apparent.