DEAR ABBY: Thirty-two years ago I was seeing two different men. I slept with each of them in the same week and became pregnant. I told them midway through the pregnancy that the baby might be theirs. One ditched me. I never heard from him again. The other is my husband of 31 years. We went on to have two more children. I have suspected all along that my oldest son, "Todd," wasn't my husband's biological child. When Todd was 8, we did a DNA test, and I was right.

Todd was recently married. I asked him several times before the wedding to tell his future wife his birth story. Todd was adamant in his refusal. He has no interest in meeting his biological father or having a relationship with him. My husband is his dad -- period.

I feel guilty for not sharing the truth with Todd's wife when she asks me questions. She knows Todd was born before my husband and I were married. Todd says it's his decision and "it's not a big deal." I disagree. Should I tell her the truth? If I do, I risk upsetting my son and maybe their marriage. They will have kids in the future, and I think she should know. What do you think I should do? -- KNOWS THE WHOLE STORY

DEAR KNOWS: You have advised Todd, and he has refused. Respect his decision. Do NOT go behind his back and divulge this information to his wife or you may damage beyond repair the relationship you have with your son.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old male. I've been seeing this guy, "Kurt," for four years. He moved to New York to be with me. He's 17 years older than I am. At first, it was great. We were amazing together. Then we hit some rough patches.

When I went to meet his family in the Midwest, they treated me horribly. My dad was ill, so I came back home. Kurt let me drive the 18 hours by myself, which infuriated me. I want him back, and I'm also scared to be alone. I have talked to other men online and searched for the love and companionship I no longer have with Kurt. We don't do anything together anymore, and our relationship has been failing for a long time.

How do I tell him I want out of the relationship and think we lost our spark a long time ago? How do I get out of the rut I'm in because I'm scared to end the relationship? -- LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: At 24, your chances of finding love again are probably better than your 40-year-old partner's. I don't know how long you have been living in the rut you described, but life is short. Do not waste more time than you already have on Kurt, who may be as relieved as you to see this romance come to an end.

Break the news by telling him calmly that you feel your relationship has been failing for a long time, the spark fizzled out a long time ago and you are calling it quits. Follow it up by saying you hope you will always be "friends," and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a supervisor at my job and have feelings for a married man who also works here. He's lonely and looks to me for attention, companionship, sex and to listen to his troubles. We have only had sex once, but I know I cannot continue this "relationship."

It breaks my heart because I care for him deeply, and IF he was single, this is someone I could actually have a relationship with. I have already told him I won't accept any more of his offers to walk me home, and to quit texting me. He's open with his wife regarding dating other people. It seems she's also "talking" to another man outside of their marriage.

Am I delusional to think he will leave her for me? Would he have the same problems with me that he has with her? He has difficulty expressing his emotions, but I think he still loves his wife. I know their marriage is broken, and it's not my job to fix it for them or to push him to choose me over her. It should not have to be this way.

Please, I would appreciate any advice you can offer. By the way, I'm also married, but my husband lives 7,000 miles away. After seven years, his immigration status still needs to be resolved. I'll probably ask him for a divorce because, even though I care about him, I'm no longer in love with the man I married. He knows I have been dating someone because I told him. -- IN KNOTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR IN KNOTS: You didn't mention whether there are policies in your business about fraternizing, but if there are, then what you have been doing could get you fired. You have already started disengaging from this office romance, so please continue to do that.

Because of the unique circumstances of your marriage, you have some serious decisions to make. Do not drag your co-worker into it. IF there is the possibility of a future with him, he also needs to decide if he is satisfied with the status quo before making any other commitments. I know you are lonely, but for your sake and his, back off.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of more than 20 years has taken to hiding decorative accessories that he doesn't like. An example: A designer bowl set packaged in a box suddenly disappeared from the cupboard. The plug-in air freshener from my home office also went missing. A lamp I moved from the living room to the foyer appeared on my bookcase two hours later. My complaints fall on deaf ears. His favorite coffee mug and iPad are about to mysteriously vanish. Can you talk some sense into him? -- HIDE AND SEEK IN GEORGIA

DEAR HIDE: Is this recent behavior, or has your husband been hiding things all during your marriage? If it's recent, your husband may need a medical checkup, because what you are describing can be a symptom of dementia. If he's mentally fit, you two need to work on sharpening your communication skills and, perhaps, agree that before any more items are brought into the home the two of you share, they're not something either of you will hate.

DEAR ABBY: We married and had children very late in life, so our children are by far the youngest in our extended family. When they graduated from high school, we tried to throw a party (with the many relatives on my partner's side and a small number of mine), but only three people could come. There could have been 50.

Some of my partner's siblings were going away for the weekend, some had grandchild sports events (baseball games), and my own sibling was babysitting and therefore could stop in for only a few minutes. Needless to say, we had faithfully attended each and every event in the family up to this point, but no one felt the urge to help us celebrate when it was our turn.

Our kids have been ignored now that our siblings' grandkids have arrived. This is not the only story I could tell like this; I could write a book. Consequently, we've decided that because our kids have been ignored, we will not celebrate the next generation's events. Our relatives seem puzzled that we're not as enthralled with the preschool graduations and first birthdays of their grandkids, but, hey, where were they?

Funny thing is, they seem to believe my adult children didn't notice they were being ignored. They have little interaction with the "loving" relatives who snubbed them. Are we wrong to feel this way? -- MIFFED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIFFED: No, you are human. However, more honest communication with these relatives when it was happening might have averted the schism created by their self-centered behavior. Your situation is regrettable, but I can't blame your children -- or you -- for feeling the way you all do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a grieving mother. My only son was murdered six months ago. He was 36 years old. I had no insurance, and I'm making payments to pay the costs of the funeral home. I would love a tombstone for his grave and found one for $1,500.

My life will never be the same. I know I need to see a counselor because this has gotten the best of me and I don't know how to move forward. On top of that, my sister died two months ago and I can't sleep. Please help me. -- SAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SAD: I am so sorry for the tragic loss of not only your beloved son, but also your sister. A tombstone for your son's grave may have to wait, because it is most important that you make an effort to take care of yourself for a while.

If you haven't joined a grief support group, please consider it. There is also a support group, the National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children (pomc.org), that can provide you the emotional support you need. If you have a physician, it's important that you inform them about your sleep problems. Considering the double dose of trauma you have experienced, your doctor shouldn't be surprised and may be able to provide medication to help. Please write again and let me know how you are doing. I care.