DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jake," tells his mother where we plan to go and what we plan to do on our "date nights." On several occasions, she has actually shown up. She pretends to be surprised when she sees us, asking us "what we're up to." She doesn't try to sit with us or hang around, thank goodness, but she's there, watching and listening from a short distance. She has never liked me, and I suspect this is another of her passive-aggressive ways to get under my skin.
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Our date nights are an active effort to try to save our marriage. The first time she showed up, I told Jake I didn't like it and that it better not happen again. He assured me it wouldn't. I also asked him to stop telling her where we're going and what we're going to do. He hasn't done that. He says he "can't" tell his mother to leave because it's a public place, and she has every right to be there, too. What should I do? -- HAD IT IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR HAD IT: If you and Jake are serious about saving your marriage and not yet in marriage counseling, start talking with a licensed marriage and family therapist now. Jake appears to be a man who can't say no to his mother. Your MIL does have a right to patronize any restaurant she pleases, but she should not be hovering over your shoulders. A therapist may be able to help you get that message across to your husband, whose priorities appear to be skewed.
In the meantime, YOU should take charge of your date nights. Make the reservations and tell no one where you are going -- even your husband.