DEAR ABBY: My niece is getting married. We have received a wedding invitation, RSVP and all, but it's addressed only to my two 11-year-old identical twin daughters. My husband and I are not invited to the wedding or to the reception. There's been no communication as to how child care will be provided for both events.

Puzzled, I texted my niece and expressed a desire to talk about a possible disharmony in our relationship and resolving whatever may be troubling her about me or what I may have done. She texted back saying that her wedding is "intimate" and she's only inviting people she's close to and who play an active role in her life. She hopes I can respect her decision and still allow my daughters to attend. Granted, we're not super close, but any differences we've ever had, I have spearheaded to communicate, apologize and move forward with solutions and reassurances.

My niece often has her mother (my sister) ask me if she can spend time with my daughters, and when I agree to come over with them, she tells her mom to tell me, "You're not invited, just the girls." I know something is amiss, but she refuses to talk, just text. This kind of conversation cannot be had via text.

I will respect all my niece's decisions, but I feel she is making passive-aggressive statements about how she feels about me. My daughters don't want to go and are hurt that she treats me so poorly. More importantly, how can I encourage a close relationship between her and my daughters when she has a history of not respecting me and how I want my daughters cared for? -- EXCLUDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EXCLUDED: I suspect that your niece may be attempting to turn your daughters into pawns to try to antagonize you. I do not think you should send them to a family celebration from which you are excluded, particularly in light of the fact that they aren't eager to go. Neither do I think you should encourage them to have a close relationship with someone as manipulative as your niece appears to be. If she has a bone to pick with you, she should do it directly so it can be sorted out. In the meantime, please don't play her game, because that is what this is.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, I separated from my husband of many years due to his infidelity. I moved back to my hometown and am working to improve myself and build a happier life. While I have no interest in him anymore, I still find myself putting off the task of actually filing for divorce. How can I motivate myself to get this important step done? -- READY TO FILE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR READY: You are still a work in progress. When you are ready for a happier life, perhaps if you meet someone and want to form a permanent relationship, you will be motivated to sever that last bond. In the meantime, consult an attorney about any possible risk, including financial, in remaining legally married to your husband.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died a year ago, after a nine-year battle with dementia. I recently met a man, "Richard," whose wife is in the end stages of dementia, which could last for several months or for several years. We have fallen for each other and are a great fit.

We are keeping our relationship from his children since dealing with their mother's slow death seems traumatic enough. Richard's siblings know and are thrilled to see their brother gain a bit of happiness again. My family knows, but their evangelical Christian stance is black and white -- to them, I am an "adulteress."

It's painful to be distanced from my family, but I feel joy and hope when I am with Richard. Should I cool it until his wife passes? We are in our mid-60s and we're afraid of running out of time. By the way, Richard is financially well off. He pays a team of caregivers to be with his wife during the day, and he is with her at night. He wants to keep her home as long as he is able. I admire and love him. Am I wrong? -- WAITING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WAITING: You and Richard are in your 60s -- you're not exactly over the hill. He spends time with his ailing wife and sees to it that she's taken care of when he cannot be with her. If you find comfort in each other and his wife is not neglected, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Then again, I am not an evangelical Christian. If, however, you feel it's necessary to live your life according to standards other than your own, discuss it with Richard, and perhaps "cool it" until his wife is gone.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of five years has a 28-year-old daughter, "Courtney," who hasn't liked me since day one. She never tried to get to know me and was rude and disrespectful from the start. Her mom ignored it and did nothing.

We have reached the point where we want to get married, and Courtney says we won't be invited to share holidays with her, and she will never come to visit us. In fact, whenever Courtney calls her mom, if I am nearby, she hangs up on her mom. Her mom has now broken out with psoriasis and is losing hair from the stress. She's afraid of losing her daughter and is ready to end our relationship.

I told my girlfriend her relationship with Courtney is toxic and she needs to step back until Courtney is willing to go to therapy and make amends. With the exception of the issues created by her daughter, we have an amazing relationship -- a love neither of us has ever experienced before. What should I do? -- ROADBLOCK IN FLORIDA

DEAR ROADBLOCK: As long as Courtney is allowed to dictate how her mother lives her life, you two won't have a successful marriage. Unfortunately, the power play Courtney is pulling isn't all that unusual. Ask your lady friend to join you for premarital counseling, where a licensed therapist can help her to free herself from Courtney's control. I am not promising it will work, but it's the best chance you have for a successful future together.

DEAR ABBY: Seventeen years ago, I had a mental breakdown. For the first three years afterward, my husband stood by me. The medications I was prescribed caused me to gain more than 100 pounds. I have tried diets, to no avail. I suggested to him that maybe we could hold each other and see where it led us. His reply was, "I'm no longer attracted to you. You knew when we married that I wasn't attracted to larger (fat) women." Since then, I no longer respect or value him. He has his room, and I have mine on the other side of the house. We do absolutely nothing together.

When he comes to my bedroom, he doesn't knock. When I need to go through his room, I always knock. He said, "This is my house, too, and I don't knock." I can't stand his arrogant ways. I still have to pretend we are married, but I don't feel it. He calls me "baby." I have expressed that I have no interest in pretending and have asked him to stop calling me that.

I'm on a fixed income. All of my retirement money is invested in this home and property. I pay all the bills. We haven't had sex in 14 years. I'm lonely for male companionship. I don't know how much longer I can live this way, even though he didn't leave when I really needed him. Please advise. -- NUMB IN ALABAMA

DEAR NUMB: It has been 17 years since you were prescribed the medications you have been taking, and there may have been improvements made in the intervening years. Contact the doctor who prescribed them and ask whether there is something newer that would allow you to lose some of the weight you haven't been able to lose. It may help if you explain what those meds have done to the state of your marriage.

If adjusting your medication is not possible, you will have to decide how important male companionship is to you, because you may have to find it elsewhere. Consult an attorney and ask what you would wind up with if the house were sold and the money was split. After that, you may be in a better position to explore your options.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20-plus years had two kids with his first wife. (I have none.) One of his kids, who answers no voicemails, emails or texts from us, now has two kids under age 5 from his own second marriage. They live less than an hour away. My husband and I saw the younger child once, almost a year ago. It was the last time we saw my husband's son and his kids. My husband has seen his grandkids less than four times in four years. Have you any suggestions on how to repair this emotional cutoff? -- UNWORTHY IN MARYLAND

DEAR UNWORTHY: Has your husband told his son that he would like to have a closer relationship with him and his family? When exactly did this estrangement begin? Do you know what caused it? Once you have the answers to those questions, if apologies are in order, your husband should offer them verbally, in writing or in person. The ball will then be in your stepson's court.