DEAR ABBY: I am a childless 70-year-old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother's death, some relatives get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him. We have a remembrance at the cemetery and go to Mass together on Sunday. We also go out for meals and drinks. There are three generations involved now, the youngest of the kids being 10.

This year, my cousin's son and his wife had a baby. We're all happy for them. A couple of days ago, I sent a group text on our family thread saying I didn't think it was a good idea to take an infant on this trip. I explained that I felt it would distract from the purpose of the get-together. Well, my cousin is offended and won't tell me why. I carefully worded my message so I didn't say anything negative. Was I wrong? -- TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this get-together is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin's son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line, and I can see why it upset your cousin.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a colleague when I was 22 but broke it off because I couldn't deal with the fact that he was several inches shorter than me. I did not tell him why. I just said, "It's me, not you."

I am now in my 60s, have had a very successful career, never married and see online that he became a distinguished researcher. In his online picture, he looks like a sweet older man now, and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would this be foolish?

Was I too insensitive at 22 to understand that I likely hurt him? Do you think he would forgive me if I got in touch with him now? He lives far away, so an in-person meeting would be out of the question in the near term. Would an email be OK? He's in his early 70s and not married. -- STUPID THEN IN OHIO

DEAR 'STUPID': At 22, you weren't insensitive; you were shallow. Look at this from that man's perspective. What is he supposed to think when he receives an email 40 years after a colleague dumped him by saying, "It's me, not you"? Remember, as successful as he is now, he is not any taller. My advice is to leave it alone, find someone you can be physically attracted to who lives geographically closer, appreciates how successful you have been in your career and is open to a relationship.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety. Happy Halloween, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my early 20s, and I have been dating my man for two years. I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year, and we plan to be married next year.

Sex with him is fabulous. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenage boy), and I'd be good with having sex every morning, day and night. He, on the other hand, is good with once a week, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed this, and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change.

I don't know if I want to say "I do" if this is what marriage to him will be like. I am afraid of him proposing now because I'm not sure I can marry him if he's not into sex as much as I am. Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had amazing sex with a previous boyfriend and have actually contemplated reaching out to him. (I wouldn't cheat.)

Must I settle? I don't want to miss out on having sex as often as I want it. It doesn't feel fair to me. I don't want to end the relationship because he's everything else I want. He's a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but with almost no sex drive. Can you offer any insight? -- MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISERABLE: You are young and, I assume, there isn't a great age difference between you and your boyfriend. When this otherwise ideal man pops the question, your response should be that before you accept his proposal, you want the two of you to have premarital counseling. During some of those sessions, bring up the disparity in your sex drives. There may be more than one way to solve your problem. Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist who can help you explore how you can be more satisfied without your boyfriend feeling "forced to perform."

DEAR ABBY: I became a grandmother 20 years ago. My first grandchild was biracial, and I suspect that's the reason my best friend, "Dori," never acknowledged her. When I sent her photos by mail a few times, they went unacknowledged.

Now, 20 years later, Dori has finally become a grandmother through adoption. Although I am happy for her, it stings that my four grandchildren were ignored. I have sent generous baby gifts. How do I move past my resentment without making a fuss? I don't want my grandchildren to ever meet her, as I feel any interest would be idle curiosity and not sincere. Dori has never even asked me their names. -- BITTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BITTER: Why do you refer to this woman as a "best friend"? From what you have written, Dori stopped being your friend 20 years ago. You were thoughtful to have sent her grandchild "generous gifts" (or any gift at all). As I see it, there is more than one way to deal with this situation. The first would be to air your feelings to Dori. The second is to continue living your life without her in a starring role.

DEAR ABBY: I chaired an event with a local service organization. Many hours were exhausted with planning and decorating. During the program, a few members playfully started throwing some items from the centerpieces at the guest speakers. By the end of the program, most of the room's centerpieces were dismantled and on the floor.

My committee had the job of cleanup, which was difficult and tedious. We felt the many hours we spent planning and doing hard work were disrespected because of these juvenile antics. This was an end-of-year program, ringing in new officers and celebrating a wonderful previous year, and there are always some lighthearted shenanigans. But I've never experienced total chaos before. Should I say something or chalk it up to celebrating a successful year's end? -- FLABBERGASTED IN TEXAS

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Were these lighthearted members drunk or just disorderly? "Lightheartedly" destroying the centerpieces and throwing parts of them at the speakers? How disrespectful to everyone involved, not to mention potentially dangerous! I don't think what happened should be ignored. By all means, speak up. You and the other committee members are certainly entitled to let the perpetrators know how it made you feel. You're not the only person who is flabbergasted. So am I.

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my friend "Lila" that I think she'd be happier if she got divorced? To be clear, I don't think her relationship is unsafe -- it's just unhappy. Things have been rocky with her wife for a while now. They keep trying to work things out, but every few months, something new comes up or becomes a problem again.

Lila cares deeply about her wife. She really wants to make things work, but I constantly hear she feels neglected and unattractive because of how her wife treats her. I'm obviously only hearing half the story, but it seems like Lila is putting in all the effort to make the relationship work, and her wife isn't responding in kind.

Part of the problem may be that Lila is introverted and doesn't have many friends besides her wife and me, which may be why she clings so hard to that relationship. I think both of them would be happier if they stopped trying to make the marriage work and went back to being friends, but I don't know how to tell Lila that, or even if I should. Please help. -- LISTENING IN MARYLAND

DEAR LISTENING: Stay out of it. Lila needs a friend and a sounding board at this point, not a life coach. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you have described, she will figure out sooner or later whether it's time to "dial it back" or to end it. Understand that when divorces happen, most couples don't "go back to being friends" unless there are children involved.

DEAR ABBY: What can I buy for Christmas for my brother who is terminally ill with cancer? Nothing seems right -- not music, books or any of the things he has always enjoyed. I'm at a loss. Any thoughts? -- SADDENED IN OREGON

DEAR SADDENED: I am so sorry about your brother's diagnosis. The surest way to give him something he will enjoy would be to ask him what he would like. His activities may be diminished, but he can point you in the right direction.