DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Doug," I've known for 30 years. I moved away, but we get together once or twice a year. I've known his wife longer than him and watched their son grow up, attending his sports activities when visiting and contributing to school fundraising activities. He's a good kid.
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I've recently heard rumors that Doug has made inappropriate advances toward and touched women within our circle of friends. It occurred once when I was there. Sadly, there has been more than one accusation. I do not distrust those rumors. While I didn't witness it, the behavior following the event makes sense to me now.
I'm sad, disappointed and a little angry. I have distanced myself from Doug because one of the victims is also a close friend. I feel guilty for maintaining a relationship with him as if nothing has occurred. I'm continually asked by Doug's wife and son when I am going to visit again. Now that I'm semi-retired, I am out of excuses. I can't just go off the grid, and I clearly don't want to be the one to destroy the family. I also don't want to dishonor the victim by behaving as if nothing has happened. Is there a way out of this? -- TORN IN WISCONSIN
DEAR TORN: I will assume that the friend Doug touched inappropriately told you what happened, and you didn't hear about it secondhand. If that's the case, the rumors are credible. Did this change in Doug's behavior happen because he was drunk or otherwise impaired? If the answer is no, he may have a medical problem and need to be evaluated by his doctor.
If you are really a friend of his wife's, tell her what you were told, that rumors are being circulated and that you are concerned about him. It may not be news she wants to hear, but it's important she be told.