Life and Money With Helaine

Hi, Helaine: My parents and their surviving sisters and brothers are getting up in years, so my family began to rotate hosting Thanksgiving among the next generation. This year, I'm up.

We are expecting somewhere between 20 and 30 people for Thanksgiving dinner. It's a family tradition and I enjoy it, but only when I am a guest. I am busy at work. So is my husband. My company doesn't give Friday off, and I doubt I'll leave early on Wednesday. I don't want to give up a vacation day.

What I want to know is if I can cater Thanksgiving dinner and ask my family to chip in so we don't need to put a several-hundred-dollar bill on plastic. I think that's not good etiquette, but my husband says we need to stick to a budget, and Thanksgiving dinner for my family isn't in it. Who is right? -- Turkey Blues

Dear Turkey Blues: Let's take Thanksgiving out of the picture. You are hosting a big dinner party, and you decide to cater it. Would you ask the guests to chip in? The answer is obvious: of course not -- though if someone offers to cover their share, you might take the money after a polite protest. On the other hand, there is something you could ask from your party goers: potluck.

Here's my advice. Write an email to everyone attending. Explain part of what you told me -- say you are busy at work, and you are going to cater the dinner. I'd add a line about how much you are looking forward to hosting, but in the interest of making the meal still feel like the traditional event your family enjoys, you are asking everyone to contribute one dish. My bet? People will step forward to make or bring the salad, the side dishes and dessert.

To sweeten the deal, offer to make one thing yourself. Then a turkey and one or two other items shouldn't be a budget-buster, or at least I hope it won't. And maybe you'll get lucky and someone will step forward to handle that, too. But even if that doesn't happen, don't feel guilty. Surveys show more than half of us will encounter at least one item from a restaurant or supermarket at our annual meal.

As for your work circumstance, I'm sorry. But even if you had the entire week off, I would still say the same thing. It's OK to not want to spend hours cooking for Thanksgiving, so you can enjoy the day without working yourself to a nub. Cleanup will be hard enough!

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I keep reading from multiple sources that the best advice for investing is to invest in low-cost index funds, like with Vanguard, rather than trying to buy and sell individual shares of stock. But I've been using a financial adviser with a major brokerage for years who is doing just that with the $130,000 I have in my IRA. It's diversified, and it's doing fine but not stellar.

Should I sell all those individual shares of stock and roll this IRA into a low-cost index fund? Is it a bad idea to let my financial adviser know this is what I want to do? I'm not sure if I need her cooperation to withdraw the funds and roll them over. For background, I'm in my 30s and have a long way to retirement. -- Want To Do Better

Dear Want To Do Better: We need to start with some education. First, you do not roll over an IRA. That's what you do with a 401(k) you want to put in an IRA. If you want to sell holdings in an IRA, you do not need to withdraw the funds. You can, and most certainly should, do so within the IRA.

If what I think you mean is that you want to move the IRA to another brokerage or mutual fund firm like Vanguard, you can do that, too. It's called a transfer, and it is something you do not need your adviser's permission to undertake. You can fill out a form on the website of the firm you want to move the funds to, and believe me, they make those very easy to find on their websites. It's quite possible your current firm will not sign off on the move until you fill out a form with them as well. That's easy enough to do, and again, it most certainly doesn't require the consent of your current adviser. Got all that?

Now let me get to the meat of your letter. The studies show very few people -- less than 1 percent -- possess the ability to beat the markets year in and year out. That doesn't just mean me or you. It also includes financial professionals like your financial adviser.

Moreover, I don't think individual stocks are for you. Based on the questions you asked me, I don't think you have the financial knowledge to engage in stock trading, or to permit someone to do it on your behalf. There's no shame in that; you don't need to be a financial expert. But it does point to the fact that, as you suspect, you would be much better off with a combination of a total stock index market fund and a bond fund, or even a target date fund for retirement consisting of underlying investments in index funds. So what are you waiting for?

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I'm a fairly prosperous woman in my early seventies. I'm making my will, and I don't know what to do about my 35-year-old son. He belongs to a tiny religious group I consider to be a cult -- the Dear Leader can do no wrong. I'm pretty sure he will turn over most of his inheritance to this group. He has done that with other money presents that I gave him (before I knew what he was doing with them). I worry about what will happen to him when he is no longer young(ish) and happy to live at a subsistence level. Is there a way I can provide for him and not the head of this group? I'm fairly tolerant, but these people are weird. -- Not a Cult Mom

Dear Not a Cult Mom: One of the hardest things about parenting is learning that our children are not us. They grow up, they do things you know are not in their best interests, and yet you are powerless to change things. In this case, I imagine your fears are twofold. First, you want to ensure your son will be protected in the event he (hopefully) changes his mind about this cultlike group in the future, or even if he does not. Second, you don’t want any of your money to land in their greedy grasp.

Here’s the good news. It is possible to protect your son, and at least limit the amount of money that goes to this religious organization. How so? You could put the money in a trust. You could then leave instructions for how the money is distributed. It can be monthly, annually, biannually -- you name it. This way, your son can’t give away the entire sum. His generosity would be limited to the amount of the distribution. (If you are wondering if you can restrict him from giving any of the money to the organization, the answer is likely no. If challenged, courts would likely rule it’s a violation of his constitutionally protected rights.)

I suggest consulting with an estate lawyer, who can explain how different types of trusts work, and guide you through this process if you decide to move forward, which will include selecting a trustee to manage the funds.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)