DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered rude to dress in weather-appropriate shorts and T-shirts if doing so reveals scars that are obviously self-inflicted?

My hard times are long behind me, and the scars are all faded and white, although they'll always be pretty obvious. For many summers, I've tolerated the discomfort of wearing long pants and sleeves through the heat waves, and I'm tired of (falsely) insisting to well-meaning people that, no, I'm not too hot in these clothes.

I'm aware that if I wear clothing that makes the scars visible, I'll get even more questions and looks from (less well-meaning) people. I don't want to burden anyone with troubles from my past, but I'm tired of roasting through summers.

Would it be improper of me to wear clothing that exposes my arms or legs on a hot day? What is a polite way to deal with stares and questions, whether about scars or excessive clothing in high temperatures?

GENTLE READER: As you are already spending summers dodging annoying questions, you should at least make yourself comfortable.

Many factors determine proper dress: the season, the weather, the occasion; national, regional and social customs; the prevailing symbolism, and so on. However, Miss Manners is outraged at demands that disfigurement or heavy weight or signs of age should prevent people from wearing bathing suits or other revealing but respectable clothing in the proper context.

Of course it is not rude of you to wear short-sleeved shirts and shorts under informal circumstances. It is rude of others to stare and ask questions.

But you know they will. You need reply nothing more than, "You're kind to worry about me, but I'm fine. These are very old scars."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I had encountered some financial difficulties that we solved by selling our primary home, which had a mortgage, and moving to our vacation home, which does not.

The children and I reside full time in this home now, and my husband works in our old town during the week, which is three hours away. Weekends are the only time we have as a family.

At least twice a month, more in the summer, we are invited by friends -- his, mine or both -- to attend parties or events in our old town. As much as I love my family and friends, the six-hour round-trip drive, the tank of gas and disruption to our time together make these invitations irritating to have to decline.

"Oh, you can come this one time," seems to be the mantra. This is still going on after two years. Should I say something, or simply pray people get the hint?

GENTLE READER: Is it really that annoying to know that your friends still miss you and want to see you?

Apparently it is. Otherwise, Miss Manners would think you might invite them to visit you, or go into town with your husband one day and meet them for dinner. You needn't sacrifice your weekends to keep from sacrificing those friendships.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 16, and I fell hard for a guy I like -- I mean, harder than anyone.

I remember the first time I met him. It was two years ago, and he was just sitting there, imperfect and with braces, exactly like me. I've never felt this way about anyone.

I've had a lot of problems in life and relationships, and we always talked about them. He told me he would always be there for me if I ever needed him.

So about two weeks ago, after a play he and I were in, we were outside, and I told him I liked him a lot. He said it's not that he doesn't like me, he just wasn't ready for a relationship.

So I brought up two girls I thought he liked, and he said "kinda" to both of them. After that, he said nothing's going to happen because they are both two years older than him.

So exactly four days after that, he started hanging out with one of the girls he "kinda" liked. He gave her his coat, they talk everywhere and every day, they hug -- and to make it worse he faces me and the girl when he talks to her.

He knows how much I like him. So finally today I asked him what's going on. He told me that he and the girl are going out to see a movie, and then he's going ask her to be his girlfriend.

So two weeks ago he wasn't ready for a relationship, but now he's ready for one with a different girl. I know there's more fish in the sea, but I feel like we're meant to be. I mean, we used to get along so good and flirt.

I love him. I know love is a strong word, but it's true. My two friends are coming over this week to cheer me up and have a girls' night, so should we go to the movie theater and stalk him and the girl, or what's your advice?

GENTLE READER: Read Edna St. Vincent Millay. That is Miss Manners' advice.

Oh, yes, and stay away from that theater and from that couple. If you think that heartbreak is painful now, it would be nothing in comparison to what you would feel if you sacrificed your dignity and made a public scene. Or a private one, for that matter.

Furthermore, you would be killing any possible chance that in the future, the object of your love might turn to you if something goes wrong with the current romance, as is often the case.

Only a bland demeanor that hides your feelings and suggests that you never felt more than friendship will preserve your self-respect, and perhaps the possibility of a future connection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does "after 5 attire" mean in Florida in the summer?

GENTLE READER: Pajamas?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a recently married woman, I must admit that I broke traditional protocol in addressing invitations, and I hope that others will do the same for me.

I kept my maiden name, and I have numerous friends who did the same. Rather than addressing them in the "appropriate way," which would be "Ms. X Smith" followed by "Mr. Y Jones" on the next line, I addressed them as "Mr. and Mrs. Y Jones and X Smith." When I address things solely to the woman in such a couple (and what I prefer to receive), I address it to "Ms. X Smith."

I feel that addressing it as such is a more appropriate way to honor the sincerity and depth of the married relationship as well as the independence of the two individuals, which is generally the intention of keeping one's last name. (As an aside, we both intend for our children to solely have their father's last name, as I kept my father's.)

I feel that etiquette has fallen a bit behind the intent of keeping one's last name and should be helped along in this regard.

I married my husband because we love each other enough to have each committed our lives to each other, and we approach life as a couple and as a team, not as two individuals who happen to share an address -- which I feel the "correct" way of address implies. (It is the same way you would address an envelope to roommates who happen to be different genders, which I did also have on my guest list, and addressed them as such.)

As an authority on manners, can you help society work this out?

GENTLE READER: As an authority on manners, Miss Manners regrets that she cannot recognize you as a fellow authority. In the manners business, we do not grant ourselves privileges that we deny to others.

Etiquette did move ahead on the issue of surnames for married females -- from a standard formula that enfolded the wives' identity into the husbands' to allowing free choice.

As there is no practical way of recognizing all ancestry, we now have a wide variety. There are ladies, not all of them antique, who prefer the old form. Others may use the husband's surname but with their own first names; still others retain their birth names, or hyphenate the two surnames, or create an entirely different one. Couples may use the father's surname for the children, or a hyphenated name, or alternate the two surnames when there is more than one child.

You have made your choice among all these possibilities. Why cannot you respect others' right to do the same?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to send announcements that a couple is celebrating a 50th anniversary if there will not be a huge party? We're having a small family getaway trip for a week.

GENTLE READER: And why is it, exactly, that you believe that others need to know?

Or should Miss Manners be asking what is it, exactly, that you expect them to do about it?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)