DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can one know if she is talking too much or being talkative? I like to think I'm funny and engaging, that I tell a good story and am an entertaining guest and hostess.

However, at Thanksgiving dinner, my husband said I was carrying on a monologue. I thought I was aware enough of being long-winded to cut myself off, but perhaps the champagne (which wasn't cut off) blurred my judgment.

Therefore, would you please advise me how to judge whether I'm entertaining people with my stories, or if I'm becoming a bore? A good tip on how to engage other guests would also be useful. Further, if you could include a kind way for my husband to let me know I'm going on too long, I would pass that on to him.

Have I gone on too long again?

GENTLE READER: No, Miss Manners is still giving you rapt attention. Face to face, you would be able to see the bright gaze she has fixed on you.

But there are indeed ways of gauging your listeners' limits. Faces resting gently in plates are a good sign that you have gone on too long, as are downcast eyes, which nowadays probably indicate the presence of an electronic device under the napkin. In social settings, an appreciative audience usually makes encouraging noises and nods, so silence and immobility are also signs.

To re-engage people at that point, halt the story and offer others a turn by saying something vaguely relevant, such as, "Everyone must have these embarrassing moments," or "And how did you spend your vacation?"

Unless you hear a chorus of "But wait, what happened to you then?" you may consider that you have yielded the floor, and that no one has noticed that your story wasn't finished.

But even without this problem, every couple needs a Meaningful Look. Generally, it is a fixed, unblinking stare, accompanied by an upturning of the mouth intended to disguise its real meaning. And that can be anything from "You should probably wind this up" to "Didn't you tell me that we were going to keep that a secret?" to "Please, can we go home now before I keel over?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate response when we invite good friends to our home for dinner, and they reverse the invitation and ask us to come to their home instead?

In some cases, it's a holiday and they are expecting family and ask us to join them. That's nice of them, but it's quite awkward to say their grandchildren are insufferable and we'd rather spend the day in our own company. Obviously we can't say that we are otherwise engaged, because we obviously aren't!

In other cases, the invitation is reversed because our friends enjoy amenities we do not have, such as a hot tub. But since our invitation was extended as an gesture of reciprocity for many evenings already spent in their hot tub, we'd really prefer to host this time around.

I'm generally acknowledged as a pretty good cook and enjoy cooking immensely, so when the invitation is reversed, I also miss a pleasant day in the kitchen. Is there a gracious way to respond?

GENTLE READER: Declining counter-invitations should be easy, because people whom you invite need not know that you haven't already invited other guests. But when you need to insist, Miss Manners suggests, "No fair. I asked you first."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know our beloved Victorians invented many esoteric and specialized utensils for serving such things as oysters, celery, asparagus and shrimp. Why not cranberry sauce?

I have a silver piece that resembles a slotted spoon/pie server. It has a rather short handle, and instead of a bowl it has a blade that is completely round and slightly larger in diameter than a "slice" of canned cranberry sauce. Indeed, my departed mother used this utensil to serve the sauce, which she removed from the can by opening both ends and then slicing into serving portions.

I always thought this was a "genuine" cranberry sauce server. Could it have another incarnation, or do I possess a rare relic?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, those daring Victorians were crazy about jellies, and your mother did well to use this as she did.

As a rule, jelly servers were not slotted, and your piece could technically be a cucumber server or, if the handle were longer, a tomato server. If so, Miss Manners hopes you do not grudge its having a side job to carry it through between Thanksgivings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 7-year-old daughter has two friends from the same family who live down the street. I am not friendly with their mother at all, although I have met her before. She is a single parent with seven children in the household, ranging from 6 to 15 years old.

These children have a horrific odor problem. I am not sure if it is from stinky feet, dirty clothes or just not bathing. When I allow these children in my home, it is not long before I feel ill from their odor.

I thought about speaking with the school nurse but am unsure. I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but something has to be done.

GENTLE READER: How about planning an activity for the children (like bubbles) that involves water and soap?

Miss Manners fears that this family's issue is likely economic or time management or both -- and in any case, not solvable by you. Pointing out hygiene problems to the school nurse or the mother will not be considered helpful. Treat the children to some good, clean fun while they are with you, and hope for the best when they are not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If, after one of my preschool-aged son's events, I spontaneously invite my in-laws back to our not-exactly-immaculate house, is it appropriate for them to attempt to make it so -- without checking in with me first? What if their attempt involves the sudden use of a leaf blower within vicinity of my infant daughter?

Is this my problem because I shouldn't invite them unless my house and yard are absolutely ready for prime time?

GENTLE READER: Loath as she is to get in the way of a good grudge, Miss Manners urges you to consider that your misguided in-laws were trying to be helpful. Rather than holding off on further spontaneous invitations, you could say: "I hope you don't mind, but I'm afraid our house might be in a bit of disarray. If it will distract you from enjoying the visit, perhaps we should do it another time." And then hide the leaf blower.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one socialize politely with one's in-laws when they are involved in activities that I find immoral and are, at times, illegal?

I try to steer the conversation away from the illicit activities by asking questions about my husband's childhood, inquiring after their health, asking to hear about the latest antics of their pets, etc. Invariably, the talk turns toward my father-in-law's "business." He was serving a jail term related to this work when I met my husband and has now shifted his business offshore.

Even if the work is not illegal in that country (and I have my doubts), it is still illegal in the U.S. It is immoral in that he is taking advantage of a highly vulnerable group of people by endangering their health in order to make money.

He appears to believe in his work, saying that the federal government "misunderstands" him.

Should I take the viewpoint that this man is mentally ill, simply respond with a noncommittal "I see," and continue to change the subject? Mention gently that since his work has caused my husband so much pain, I'd rather not discuss it?

My mother-in-law talks about how they'll spend the anticipated windfall; my sister-in-law's family may relocate so that she can go into her father's business, while my husband and I know that it's all based on fraud.

Please rest assured that I have discussed this matter with an attorney friend, and intervened anonymously when it appeared that the law was about to be broken (and the business was disrupted for a time). Yet the question regarding polite dinner conversation remains unresolved.

GENTLE READER: Tell your in-laws that because you are concerned for their welfare, it might be best if they do not discuss business while you or your husband is present, because there is no legal privilege that would protect them from any statements you might have to give to questions if questioned by law enforcement.

In the silence that follows, Miss Manners suggests you tell them the latest antics of your own pets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don't know what to do. We gather for family holiday meals with extended family. Some members spend their time texting under the table and not making any effort to interact with anyone around them. I don't want to cause a family feud. I think it is important to speak to those around you and to be engaged in the event. These are young adults.

What happened to bringing topics to the table and being prepared to share? By the way, not all of the young adults do this, just some. It is extremely uncomfortable to be sitting next to someone who is actively ignoring you.

GENTLE READER: Nor should you. Remember the children's table? You could set one up for those who do not intend to participate in adult society.

Better yet, Miss Manners recommends passing a nicely decorated Thanksgiving basket before dinner, in which to collect all electronic devices. It would be a good deed for people who would otherwise be having Thanksgiving dinner with those whom your guests are texting.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)