DEAR MISS MANNERS: When arriving at someone's door, how many times should you knock?

GENTLE READER: It is considered courteous to stop knocking as someone's face appears at the door.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a very high-end restaurant, my fiance and I, who had a reservation, were seated far in the back near the desk where waiters run checks.

I asked the hostess if we could sit somewhere else. She said there was nothing available, but that we were welcome to wait at the bar until a new table opened up.

I said OK, and we waited for about 10 minutes at the bar until we were able to be seated somewhere much nicer.

I found out later that my fiance was mortified that I had even asked. Was this rude? I felt that if we were going to spend a large amount of money, I would like to be seated somewhere comfortable. I did not cause a scene or demand to be seated immediately.

GENTLE READER: Presuming that the food agreed with you, you have nothing to feel bad about.

If you are paying for a service, you should ask politely that it be to your liking, and this was a reasonable request that the staff could easily accommodate. A good restaurateur would prefer to accommodate you than to let you go away in dissatisfied silence. Besides, you probably ran up a nice bar tab while you were waiting.

If the hostess showed no objection, then Miss Manners assures you that your fiance should not either. Perhaps he should save his mortification for any untoward dinner conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to lunch by someone I did not really know, and during the luncheon, I realized that I had little in common with the person, and in fact did not like them much.

But I grew up with the understanding that if someone invites you to a social event, you are then obligated to reciprocate and invite that person to a similar occasion.

If this is still protocol, what does a person do when s/he finds out that they do not actually like the person who first invited them? Hosting a social event is not inexpensive, and I am on a limited budget.

Are there other options? Of course I mailed a formal handwritten thank-you after the affair; I also contributed a dish to the meal.

GENTLE READER: While it is generally polite to reciprocate social events, doing it precisely in kind is not necessary (it is only when the entertaining becomes completely one-sided that Miss Manners objects). It is not required if you do not enjoy the person's company, and your host may be equally relieved to bring the acquaintance to a graceful end.

A handwritten thank-you is enough. Any social repercussions -- not being issued further invitations by this person -- will, in this case, accomplish the desired result. Besides, by providing food, you fulfilled a hostly function yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent out an electronic invitation for a casual dinner party. To my horror, Evite the invitation site added a link (it was an advertisement attached to the invitation) to be clicked, saying "Send a gift immediately."

I can understand (although not approve of) gift information for something like a child's birthday party, but I am mortified that my guests thought I was panhandling for gifts. I had to send out a second email saying "No gifts, please."

Is there something more I should do to make amends for this?

GENTLE READER: The website you used has put you in an embarrassing position, but fortunately you owe the company no loyalty. Your situation would be trickier if your brother's girlfriend had somehow added to an invitation of yours without your knowledge.

Miss Manners suggests an email to your guests expressing your surprise and dismay at the company's greedy link and explicitly disowning its action. She would also have you share your frustration with the company itself, explaining that it embarrassed you. Whether you want to reciprocate the embarrassment by exposing it on social media is up to you.

Although Miss Manners has little hope that an internet company will opt for good manners over profit, perhaps it could provide the host with a optional "request loot" checkbox, thus permitting clients a choice of whether or not to be rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I make a great many handmade gifts -- some simple, small items, some grand gestures to commemorate graduations, weddings and other special occasions.

My problem is when years later, 15 to 20 years even, people say something along the lines of, "Oh, I love the little embroidery bag you made me. I still get wonderful compliments on it, and many people have asked me about it."

About 75 percent of the time, I have no memory of what I made them or why. I usually respond with a smile, a thank you, and something such as, "I am so happy you enjoy it."

It is true that I am happy to have brought joy into someone's life. Most people are fine with that, but others probe a bit further, and it's quite evident that I have no memory of what I made them.

I feel bad about this, but they are often offended if I tell them I am sorry I don't remember the item clearly. Is there a better response? I feel as if I'm violating some rule of etiquette that says I need to remember every gift I've ever given.

GENTLE READER: It seems ungrateful for a gift recipient to be annoyed that the sender does not remember the gift 20 years later. What is important is, as you say, that the recipient enjoyed it.

It is also, Miss Manners notes, unfair, since the recipient has the gift in hand as an aide memoire. The person who does not accept your apology graciously is the one being rude, but in the interest of harmony, you could say, charmingly, that perhaps your memory is not what it once was. And indeed, you should endeavor to forget these entire encounters.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm looking for the right thing to say in signing a card to a man I do love; however, I don't want to write the word "love."

I've come up with "your loving friend," but I need some other ways to express admiration without sending "I love you" or "With admiration and love ..."

What would you say? I don't want to push him away, but would love to express myself lovingly without actually saying it. Does this make sense?

GENTLE READER: It doesn't have to. It's love. Hesitant love, but love.

But Miss Manners supposes that the gentleman might try to make sense of it, in which case "Your loving friend" might be interpreted as the current, rather chilling use of "friend" in a possibly romantic situation, meaning, "I'd rather just be friends."

How about "Affectionately yours" or "Fondly yours"? Now that the "yours" is improperly so often dropped from "Sincerely" and "Very truly" (for those who have not yet succumbed to a mere "Best"), it might seem promising.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine whom I have grown distant from has invited me and three other friends to a members-only club for a dinner next month. I would feel very out of place at this type of establishment and have no interest in going. This friend has a new relationship with a wealthy fellow, and her lifestyle has changed since we first met.

The three other friends who are invited are excited to go to a private club. It took many attempts to pick a date for the four of us to meet. How do I back out graciously?

GENTLE READER: A bit snobbish, are we?

Miss Manners is not referring to your friend. That lady may have changed her dining venue, but she has invited her old friends to come along. It is you who feel that where you eat is more important than with whom.

All right, you can merely thank her and decline the invitation on the grounds that you find you cannot make that date after all, no specific reason necessary. But unless the club has a policy of discrimination justifying a boycott, this strikes Miss Manners as snobbish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to host dinner parties, and before I plan the menu, I always ask guests if there are any foods they cannot eat.

However, now my partner has started to ask our guests for their suggestions as to what we should cook.

I always thought it was up to the host to decide what foods to cook and what wines to provide. I am very uncomfortable with suggestions from guests.

GENTLE READER: As well you should be. Your partner is abdicating the position of host to become an unpaid restaurateur.

Miss Manners understands that it is now necessary to inquire if prospective guests have any food restrictions. And she suspects that the extension of this beyond medical, religious and ethical concerns, to where people feel free to declare their mere tastes, could easily drive a cook crazy.

But even letting them place orders will not solve the problem. Wish your partner luck in getting all the guests to agree.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)