DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to attend a Christmas party from an old college friend. He sent it via social media and I accepted via social media. Also attending the party will be a few other old friends I hardly ever see. I had been looking forward to it.

About a month ago, I received the following message, also via social media, from an old acquaintance who is closer to the host and the other guests than I am:

"Hey I'm wondering if you could not go to Joe's party so that I can attend. I kind of dislike you that much.

"Much appreciated (signature)"

I am still planning to attend. I am wondering what the appropriate response to this message would be, and by what medium I should send my response.

GENTLE READER: None. At least not to a person so crude and cruel as to be impervious to decent behavior. It would only provoke further rudeness.

But social media is useful in this case, as you can forward that message to your host, saying that you would indeed like to attend the party, and asking what he would prefer you to do in light of the other guest's attitude.

Miss Manners hopes that person would understand that this is a rare instance in which a dis-invitation is permissible: "I am sorry to learn that the presence of another guest means that you would not enjoy attending my party. Perhaps I will see you another time."

Should the host fail to do that, you will know of two people to avoid. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I attended three funerals (unrelated to each other), I sent each family a sympathy card with a handwritten note immediately upon hearing of the death.

However, I noticed a basket at each funeral for people to place cards. Because I had sent cards at the time of death, a month before the services, should I have also brought a card to the funerals? It didn't even occur to me. I'm not sure what the proper protocol is.

GENTLE READER: Well, it shouldn't be collecting a basket of cards as if they were valentines in an elementary school class. Sympathy is properly conveyed as you have already done, and presence at a funeral is noted in a guest book for attendees to sign.

Miss Manners presumes the bringing of cards is being done by people who are unaware of funeral etiquette, or who want to save postage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How is a combination of cake and ice cream to be served? On a dessert plate or in a bowl? How is it eaten? Fork or spoon? Is it ever proper to eat from a plate with a spoon?

GENTLE READER: Have you ever tried to eat ice cream with a fork?

You needn't. Contrary to what many people believe, Miss Manners assures you that etiquette is not out to trick you. When dessert is both textured and runny or gooey, both a spoon and a fork should be available.

It would also be too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl. The ice cream is properly placed on top of the cake, so that any melting will be absorbed before getting to the plate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your stance on people who bring treats to work on their birthdays? Is it an attention-getting mechanism or a nice gesture?

I have done this once in the past, but I felt like everyone was wishing me happy birthday only because I brought in food. I'm not sure if I should bring in food again this year or not. (For the record, people regularly bring in food to share just as a nice gesture.)

GENTLE READER: This feels like a riddle. How would they have known that it was your birthday had you not brought in food? And because sometimes your colleagues bring in food when it's not their birthdays, does that mean people wouldn't assume it was your birthday since you brought in food?

Miss Manners has lost track of the problem. Is it, perhaps, that you want people to remember your birthday without being prompted? Or that you do not want to appear as if you are prompting them?

She suspects the latter. But as long as your treats are not accompanied by a self-congratulatory parade with a bullhorn, she permits you to continue enjoying your birthday however you wish -- and accepting the well wishes of your colleagues at face value.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My pet peeve is that when I am dining at a restaurant, the waiter begins clearing the table before everyone is finished eating. This also occurs at friends' homes and even at my own home.

We have dinner guests about two times a month. What should I say when one or more of my guests gets up and begins to clear the dishes while I am not even half finished with my dinner? Surely the guest is trying help, and I do not want to embarrass or admonish a guest. "Please be seated until everyone is finished with their dinner" just does not sound right. Do you have a solution?

GENTLE READER: Always. To waitstaff and in your own home, you may politely speak up on your own or a companion's behalf: "Oh dear, I (or friend) wasn't quite finished yet. I am afraid you are too quick for us."

And for guests trying to help at your home, you may add, "Please sit down and let us enjoy your company. I can clear the table when everyone is finished."

Unfortunately, Miss Manners must caution you against saying the same at other people's dinner tables. Then it is up to the host. Their priorities in terms of getting their guests up and out might be less hospitable than yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Having been raised in western Europe, I still have not quite adjusted to the informality I sometimes encounter when dealing with total strangers. How do I respond when a circa 30- to 40-year-old plumber, electrician or window cleaner addresses me -- an almost 70-year-old widow -- by my first name, or even calls me "Honey" or "Hon" without taking the risk that they will spread the word that rhymes with "hitch" in the community when I complain about them?

GENTLE READER: "That's Mrs. Hitch to you, sir."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a formal engagement party where the young man being honored is still legally married to his first wife. I am uncomfortable with this, but have been told I'm being silly. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That the young man will be even more uncomfortable than yourself if he is equally careless about scheduling his second wedding.

Miss Manners recalls that Hamlet was scandalized by the hasty remarriage of his mother to his uncle. But at least Queen Gertrude's first husband was dead, even if his ghost was haunting the palace after bedtime.

The law requires second marriages to follow the dissolution of the first marriages. Etiquette agrees that any associated festivities should do so as well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The new boss in the finance department where I and several others work will only acknowledge her staff who are in middle management.

Several times she has said "Good morning" or "Good night" to these middle managers while I have been standing right next to them. On a personal level I find this hurtful and rude.

Is this acceptable behavior in the workplace? Even the president of the company says good morning to me.

GENTLE READER: Snubbing a co-worker is rude. Snubbing a subordinate is worse, because of the inequality in the relationship.

But it is also poor management. Miss Manners applauds the president, at least, for being polite, whether he is genuinely interested in the happiness of his employees -- or merely realizes that being polite is a cheaper way to boost morale than giving out raises.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to various health conditions, medications and surgeries, I have fought a lifelong battle with weight gain, especially in the abdominal area. A few days ago, I got onto the elevator at work, followed by two women. One of them gave me the once-over and inquired when my baby was due.

I replied, "Not pregnant; just fat" and exited the elevator. Before the doors closed, I heard the other woman say, "How rude!"

I take exception to this. In my opinion the person who made an incorrect assumption and voiced it to a stranger was more rude than the one who corrected that assumption with a true statement.

What do you think? And if I was rude, what should the answer to that question have been?

GENTLE READER: While etiquette does not generally interest itself in motives, Miss Manners cannot answer without delving into yours and your questioner's.

The other woman was, without a doubt, presumptuous. It is rude to assess other people's stomachs. But was it meant to be insulting?

Your description of your response suggests that you wished to do more than set the record straight -- you wished to challenge her for her rudeness.

Well, then. Miss Manners understands your impatience. But she can think of more polite -- as well as more effective -- ways to do so. If you felt up to the acting challenge, an admission, with quivering lip, that you have struggled with weight gain all your life, followed by as hasty an exit as the elevator allowed would have left the offender feeling ashamed, rather than self-righteous.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)