DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband tends to be much more fastidious in terms of cleaning up than I am. I am by no means messy, but do sometime leave a dish or two in the sink to come back to later. I work at home and often I am eating quickly, and will place my breakfast or lunch dishes in the sink to deal with when I am done working. Or I may finish a snack and then want to do a load of laundry, finish another task, or even just finish the chapter of the book I am reading before washing the dishes.

My husband, on the other hand, is someone who washes a dish IMMEDIATELY after using it. He even washes all the dishes used to prep dinner before sitting down to eat, resulting in cold food.

There are times where I will leave a few dishes in the sink, with every intention of coming back to wash them later. In the interim though, my husband will have his own few dishes to wash, and he will wash those but leave mine in the sink. He claims that it is rude of me to assume someone else will clean up after me, which I have explained is never the case!

I feel that it is a bigger slap in the face, and intentionally rude, to wash his own plate but leave mine in the sink. Yes, I left it there with every intention to wash it myself later, and will, but would it really kill you to just wash the cup that happens to be sitting in the sink too? If he ever happens to leave something in the sink, I wash it, no problem, since I feel that is just the polite thing to do.

I know you’ll tell me to just wash my dishes as I go, but am I really being rude and selfish? Or is he being rude as he tries to prove his point to me?

GENTLE READER: Were the dishes capable of independent thought, it would be to them that Miss Manners would extend her sympathy, as they are the only innocent party in the room. “We just, please, want someone to wash us,” they plead.

But no, Miss Manners, is not going to tell you that you must clean every dish in your own home as soon as you have finished using it. Whether your husband has found a way to indicate his disagreement at this arrangement, Miss Manners does not know. It is not rude to leave the occasional dish -- assuming, as you assert, that it was not your intention to thereby leave the task to your husband. But if you do not mean him to do it, then you cannot chastise him for not doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on someone throwing a retirement party and selling tickets to attend?

GENTLE READER: That invitation recipients might think there is a more rewarding way to spend their entertainment budget.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 25-year-old law student at a school that is not nearly as competitive and cutthroat as some. For the most part, my classmates are positive people and we are genuinely supportive of each other’s accomplishments. Of course, there are a few classic “gunners,” and I simply avoid talking to them and don’t associate with them in or out of class.

However, there is one girl, just on the outskirts of our group, who considers me a friend and who is a classic example of a self-deprecating braggart. She makes crystal-clear how smart, busy and accomplished she is, all while saying how stupid, lazy and useless she is.

She once “complained” about getting A’s on her papers because that meant she didn’t get feedback from the professors. She once “complained” about her exam answer being posted as the model answer because she “literally didn’t even know what she was writing about.”

She hopes you have a good weekend because she’s working as a waitress and “doesn’t even know what a weekend is anymore.” She is also guilty of interrupting you to remind you, again, how stupid/lazy/useless she is and never letting you finish a thought.

I fantasize about telling her to SHUT UP, and that it’s unbearably annoying to listen to her talk. However, on a softer side, I want to tell her this because I know how others find it annoying, too. It’s a terrible quality to have, and flat-out won’t serve her well in her chosen profession. Hypothetically, do you want your attorney to start your defense by saying, “I’m sorry, Judge, I’m really bad at this and hardly even practiced my opening argument ...”

As a girl in the same area as her, I completely understand the habit of putting yourself down to avoid coming across as OVER-confident, as well as avoiding the stigma of being labeled a “bitch.” But like I said, I think she’s crossing the threshold and she’s doing a disservice to herself.

Is there any way I can serve my own interest of getting her to stop while also trying to offer any kind of advice of how to conduct herself in a professional arena? Again, please picture a hypothetical prosecutor going to defense counsel and saying, “Oh my God, I’m sure you’ll win. I have a 100 percent conviction rate, but I’m so bad at talking in public and juries never like me!”

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, the humble-brag, which is beloved of people who have been taught not to boast but can’t help themselves. So they figure that if they do it upside-down, it won’t count against them.

Miss Manners is grateful that you agree that “Oh, shut up,” while tempting, is out of the question. But it is not rude to ignore the subtext and offer sympathy.

If you say, “Oh, that’s too bad,” your friend will think that you misunderstood, and be tempted to ruin her conceit by saying, “No, I got an A.” Or you can say, “Really? You were faking and the professor fell for it? I thought he was smarter than that.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

I have moved to a new part of the country. Trying to find a social outlet, I joined a bridge group.

When I first went in to play, I had a pretty good time -- until late in the afternoon, when I was partnered with a woman who was very critical of my game. (I can’t fault her bridge judgment; I am not a terrific player at all.) She became harsher as time went on, and I never felt like going back, it was so unpleasant.

How could I have responded constructively to this? I was taken aback!

GENTLE READER: Then you shouldn’t have trumped your partner’s king. (That Miss Manners condemns all rudeness does not prevent her from acknowledging the provocation.)

The time to declare your lack of expertise is when partner assignments are arranged. Better yet, speak to the group’s organizers about assigning bridge partners who play at a comparable level.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Good friends of ours have generously invited our family (my husband, our two kids and me) to spend a holiday weekend with them and another couple at their lakeside cottage, a 3.5-hour drive away. We have a max option of four nights’ stay.

My husband wants to spend the allotted time, but I am uncomfortable spending that many days away from home. I would be perfectly content with a two-nighter.

Do I, A. Suck it up and go on board with the family for the whole four nights, against my discomfort, or, B. Tell everyone (besides my husband, who knows the truth) that I have to stay behind a day or two because I have to work (which is not true), and drive up later to meet them?

I get homesick and feel “burned out” with lengthy stays -- even though I love these friends. (And, if it matters, we have pets at home that need care. I most likely can arrange for that, but haven’t confirmed anything thus far. Also, Husband didn’t seem fazed at the idea of me joining the gang a day or two later.)

I don’t like to lie, but I also feel that if I told the truth, I would come off as snobbish and/or cold. Is it OK to lie in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Lying is a big issue with Miss Manners’ Gentle Readers, many of whom are highly indignant when she recommends such pleasantries as “I had a lovely time” and “How nice to see you.” The virtue of kindness means nothing to them compared to that of expressing the literal truth about their negative feelings.

But that doesn’t have to be the choice. There is no dishonor, except perhaps in court, to withholding hurtful information. And it would be mean of you to tell generous hosts that you can stand only so much of their company, which is what your sentiment would convey.

Instead, say only, “I’m afraid that I can only stay for two days, but would you mind if Sean and the children stay two more? I know how much they would enjoy that.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)