DEAR MISS MANNERS: As pastor of a Catholic parish, I often get requests for help, and usually the various organizations in our parish or diocese can reach out to assist the people who come by or call.

Lately, however, I have been receiving emails from people wanting me to publicize GoFundMe accounts for various individuals. We have no way of knowing if these accounts are legitimate, and if we agreed to include one account in our church bulletin, others would want us to include theirs, as well.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I can gently tell these people that we already have systems in place to help those in need, but that GoFundMe is not something we take part in?

GENTLE READER: Taking advantage of your divine intervention for nefarious purposes, Miss Manners has to think, is a special kind of sin. But even if intentions are good, these congregants must recognize that if you cannot do something for everyone, you should not do it for one. In secular terms, it is called policy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering about the dictum that one should reciprocate a dinner invitation with a return invitation. What if one does not want to continue the acquaintance?

This situation has arisen several times over the years, but a recent one raises this unresolved question again. We were invited to a lovely dinner by a local couple. We were given a warm welcome, and the meal was beautifully prepared, taking into account some dietary restrictions of ours. However, the husband became drunk and somewhat abusive. It was an uncomfortable situation.

We left as soon as we gracefully could. We had brought flowers, and sent a thank-you note afterward. We would prefer not to be in that situation again.

GENTLE READER: The rule about reciprocating dinner invitations was meant to promote the pleasant longevity of the friendship. If one does not wish it to continue, Miss Manners assures you, the deal is void. But if it has happened several times, it does make her question the quality of your friends -- or the wine that they are drinking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee wants her mom and dad to walk her down the aisle. We are Jewish, and although this is not required by Jewish law, it is customary.

Her parents had a terrible divorce, and her dad doesn’t want to walk down the aisle with her mom. Should he have to do this? What’s the solution?

GENTLE READER: Anything that avoids a bickering march down that aisle.

Perhaps you can suggest that one of the parents walk your fiancee down the aisle and the other be given a different distinction, such as performing a reading or making the initial toast.

If there is further squabbling about who does what, Miss Manners suggests you kindly offer one of your own parents to perform the honor. That ought to help everyone quickly fall in line.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am well aware of the rules of not interfering in conversations overheard in restaurants, and that there is an assumed “bubble” of privacy for those engaged in private conversation.

However, I found myself in an awkward position while I ate in a booth that backed up to another booth. Four people were speaking in foul, hateful language about Jews and African-Americans, with a few anti-Muslim remarks thrown in for good measure. Aside from being shocked that people would feel free to speak like that in a public place, albeit at their own table, I couldn’t believe that they even thought that what they were saying was remotely accurate. It was like listening to Nazi propaganda come to life. I cannot overstate the hate exuding from their mouths.

They were not being loud, belligerent or bellicose, and were polite to their server, a person of color. I said nothing.

Was that the right thing to do? I really wanted to stand up, go to their table and tell them I could hear them spewing their hate in foul language, and that they may want to rethink their choice of words in a location where it was easy to overhear and where the objects of their hate may be present. I am Jewish. Is being silent in this type of situation the same as being complicit?

GENTLE READER: While normally Miss Manners would find relief in the fact that these awful people were at least outwardly polite, it does complicate the infraction.

Unfortunately, we live in volatile times, and Miss Manners finds herself further cautioning you against admonishing these people in public for fear of retaliation, or of inciting an angry invocation of various amendments. If you feel that it is safe, you might approach them and say, “I am sure that you are not aware that others can hear you” and leave it at that -- and then consult the restaurant management if the situation escalates.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A question about thank-you note etiquette is tearing my family apart.

I received a notification that a gift would be coming in the mail by someone who was not the sender of the gift. I had my thank-you note written and ready to send out as soon as I received said gift, because I didn’t want to feel like my thank-you note was insincere or that I was entitled to the gift by sending the thank-you early.

The family member who sent the gift is now incredibly upset with me, because apparently I should have sent the note as soon as I was notified that the gift would be coming, even though the notification was not from them.

GENTLE READER: Even Miss Manners, a fastidiously prompt sender of thank-you letters, would not require someone to write one before the present had been received. Please tell your family to pull themselves together and slow their enthusiasm -- lest they similarly start cashing checks before they are sent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has become increasingly common, in attempting to avail oneself of customer service by phone, to find the lines staffed by people whose first language is not English. It’s not uncommon for me to have difficulty understanding these men and women through their accents, and too frequently I find that they aren’t fluent enough in English to actually converse, as opposed to responding by means of a rather limited script.

It’s maddening when I need to ask a multipart question and the only reply is, “We are sorry you had this problem. Our return policy is ...” when that’s not the information I need.

What is a polite way to ask to speak to someone who has less of an accent and/or speaks fluent English? This is not a case of xenophobia, and I don’t want to insult the person. I have no objection to talking to someone from another country, provided they are capable of performing the duties of their job. Shouldn’t this be a baseline requirement to hold a customer service position in any field?

GENTLE READER: The polite solution to your problem is to accept -- perhaps incorrectly -- that the person you are speaking with is performing their stated duties properly, but that their duties do not include your more complicated situation. In this case, it is only natural for you to request to speak with a supervisor, whom Miss Manners hopes will be more intelligible.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sibling and I were raised as white. I know we’re not. I’m being genetically tested to prove it officially.

This is not news my sibling will want, especially medically confirmed. He is wealthy and a somewhat public figure. We are not close. If I email or phone him, he will probably just ignore it, per usual.

It feels weird to tell someone who will not feel the relief I do -- that now, things make sense -- but who will just ignore it or still deny it. Is it best to just not contact him anymore? We do not see each other for holidays, etc. For me, this is like a brand-new start on life.

GENTLE READER: That your brother may find the news unwelcome is, no doubt, distasteful to you, given your own enthusiasm. Miss Manners recognizes that many would be inclined to tell him anyway, either by asserting your duty to stand up for truth or his need to “face reality.”

But a careful reading of your letter -- an examination of your heart not being possible through the mails -- suggests that you believe he already knows. Aghast as she would be at the suggestion of actively hiding the information from him, Miss Manners does wonder what the result of initiating such a communication would be, beyond further fraying what is already a tenuous relationship.

However, you could tell him that you were tested, but not give the results unless he requests them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)