DEAR MISS MANNERS: You (and others before) have made it clear on how to politely conduct a dinner-table conversation at a party: The rule is to first speak with the person on your left, followed by the person on your right.

But of course, if I speak to “Mr. Left,” and he, too, is speaking with HIS left partner (not me), and so on -- how does this work? Likewise, when I speak to “Miss Right,” she must necessarily ignore me if she is speaking with HER “Miss Right.” I find this does not work very well at all, due to so many swiveling heads, and it’s quite difficult to carry on two different conversations at once!

GENTLE READER: You are quite right. And the thought of everyone whipping around in the same direction, only to be confronted with the backs of heads, is likely to cause not only silence, but whiplash.

The fault, Miss Manners realizes, is in the laudable modern tendency to remove gender as an automatic factor in the interest of fairness. For example, we etiquetteers now instruct people to hold doors open for one another, not just gentlemen for ladies.

But sometimes that is overzealous. In this case, it should have been specified that the traditional rule is that the hostess turns to the person on her right, and the other ladies at the table do the same.

But what (you may ask) if it is a host who is presiding? And if the guests are not distributed around the table in alternating genders? And what if there are other gender factors involved?

You see the problem. So let us restate the rule:

The person giving the dinner turns right, whereupon alternating guests should do the same. Does that help?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For some reason unknown to me, my daughter-in-law now addresses my son by his surname rather than by his first name. I thought it strange when I heard it for the first time, but did not realize it had become a habit until someone who recently spent time with them commented on it to me.

I think it is disrespectful to my son, but hesitate to say anything to him or to his wife because I do not know if it is my place. I do not want to interfere, but I do want my son addressed with respect. What do you suggest, Miss Manners? Your help is deeply appreciated.

GENTLE READER: It might not be. Nor your help, either, Miss Manners suspects.

How married couples choose to address each other cannot be fathomed by outsiders, even closely related ones. Only they know what is meant to be affectionate and what is not.

Even “darling” may be said in a disrespectful tone. (Miss Manners is thinking of the way the husband in an otherwise happy couple said to his wife, “Sweetie (drawing out the word so that it seemed to have 10 E’s in the middle), that was my king you trumped.”)

So for your own sake, as well as your son’s and daughter-in-law’s, it would be wise to accept the fact that you don’t really know how this was intended.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some relatives who enjoy sharing pictures of their travels. Instead of a slideshow after coming home, they text pictures of themselves or what they’re seeing to a group of a half-dozen relatives throughout the trip.

In the last day, I’ve received 10 pictures, along with all the commentary from everyone else in the group thread. I have to admit that a selfie of them on an airplane and several people responding “Aww!” doesn’t particularly interest me, and disrupts my day.

I’m very happy for them that they are enjoying their vacation, but I’d be happier if they enjoyed it on their own. Is there a polite way to ask them not to send me pictures? I’d be willing to sit through a slideshow once they return; it’s the constant texts that I object to.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you do not remember the time when it was a common form of torture to make others sit through home movies. Otherwise normal people, with nothing but goodwill in their hearts, would lure their unsuspecting relatives and friends to a purported social gathering, then dim the lights and make them watch films of their holidays and their children’s birthday parties.

There was no escape. Even dozing off in the dark was difficult, because the films were accompanied by equally soporific narrations to which audience responses were sought:

“Here we are in the main square -- honey, do you remember whose statue that is? Help me, someone; he’s one of their national heroes. Anyway, it was festival time, and if it hadn’t been raining you’d be able to see everybody out there celebrating. You really should go there sometime. I forgot -- you have a beach house, don’t you? But you should also travel; there’s nothing like seeing different cultures ...”

Or, “This is so cute: It’s Teddy’s birthday, so of course he thinks the cake is just for him, but Jenny thinks because she’s older, he needs her help to blow out the candles. But the funny thing is that on HER birthday, which we’ll show you next, he thinks it’s OK for him to help her open her presents! And of course she doesn’t like it any better ...”

Surely you do not want that sort of entertainment back. Miss Manners will try to show you that while such barrages of texted pictures annoy you, the method has its advantages:

You don’t have to look at them on the way to the Delete key, because the photographer is not watching you. You don’t have to hit Like, which would hardly be noticeable anyway, among the others on the thread who are admiring one another.

All you have to do is to say, on the travelers’ return, “Seemed like a great trip.” You could have concluded that from the mere volume of the texts, and anyway, no one is going to quiz you on the content.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a church organist. Occasionally, someone will say to me, “You play better than Mr. X.” I consider that a compliment, but to the detriment of Mr. X. How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: ”He’s really very good. I’m flattered that you consider me in the same league.” That this does not address what was said is irrelevant, Miss Manners believes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A wedding celebration I was to attend was called off at the last minute. I cannot fault anyone for canceling the nuptials if the bride or groom did not want to get married. But my mother told me, years ago, that good manners dictate that the gifts for a canceled wedding be returned. I was waiting to see how this would be handled.

I soon got an email from the store at which the bride was registered. It stated: ”We are in the process of getting all gifts back from the bride, but we have been asked by the bride’s mother to give all purchasers a store credit. You can call us the next time you need a gift for anyone ... We can access any major department store registry and typically save you 20 percent from the department store prices on most major brands. We also have over 50,000 items on our own website.”

I’m not sure how I should react to this information, but I do know I am offended. Is this an acceptable way to return a gift? I feel that the mother preempted my decision about what to do with the returned present, but maybe I should just be thankful that I am receiving something back. After all, the bride could have kept all the gifts.

GENTLE READER: It hardly seems better that they are, instead, being held on consignment. Perhaps with the notion that it would be convenient for all, this woman has forced her guests into the unpleasant position of having to ask permission for what is rightfully theirs.

If you have the gumption to do so, Miss Manners will allow you to politely decline the offer, saying, “I appreciate the discount, but if you do not mind, I think that we will go through the trouble of returning the silver water filter ourselves.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am moving back to my home state in three months. An aunt of mine found out about this move and sent me, via social media, an invitation to my cousin’s (her son’s) wedding since I would “be in the area.”

Honestly, I am not close to my extended family; I barely even know them. I wouldn’t mind going to the wedding to extend an olive branch and maybe start to know them better. But can I really put any weight in a social media invitation from the mother of the groom? I feel that if they really wanted to have me, they would have sent a real invitation. How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: To your cousin. He will surely have a more direct line to whether the rest of the family has other ideas: “Aunt Destiny was kind enough to invite me to the wedding through social media, but we all know that such invitations are tenuous, at best. Are you sure that it would be all right if I attend? I would love to see the family now that I am in closer proximity.”

And then Miss Manners suggests you send an equally charming note to his fiancee, saying how much you look forward to getting to know her better -- either at this event or another one -- to ensure direct invitations in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)