DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our supervisor allows the office to fete colleagues with cake/refreshments for non-work-related life events such as pending births, nuptials and the like. Since these events are held during the workday, I am uncomfortable using my employer’s time to attend.

Further, because the lion’s share of these events celebrate colleagues across campus with whom I have no day-to-day interaction, I have little interest in socializing with them.

Is there a polite way to inform my supervisor that I no longer wish to be solicited or expected to attend these get-togethers?

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, the great modern office problem: how to explain to the boss that you would rather work than party during office hours. Management has been so pummeled with the notion that workers must be friends that not wanting to eat cake with some near-strangers may seem like shirking.

Therefore, Miss Manners advises against asking for a general pass. You don’t want “Does not play well with others” to go into your file.

Instead, she is afraid you will have to excuse yourself briefly every time. Congratulate the guest of honor, and then say, “Please excuse me; I’m in the middle of some work I have to finish.” It will be more effective if you do not go off with a piece of cake.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it preferable to wear long white gloves to a nighttime party for a famous person?

GENTLE READER: Preferable to what? To shaking bare hands with a famous person?

Long white gloves are worn with ball dresses on white-tie occasions, regardless of the notoriety of those attending.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The invitation for a friend’s wedding contains an insert stating, “We are happy together and need nothing more; the best gift is you on the dance floor. No gifts, please.”

It is her second marriage, and his third. Both are in their 60s, have grown children and are financially well-off.

Does that mean no gifts of money, either? Do you believe that they will be offended if I give them one, even though they’d have the option of not cashing the check?

GENTLE READER: This is what happens when greed is such standard behavior that innocent people try to disassociate themselves from it. You are not the first person to mistake a perfectly clear message for a sly grab at money.

Miss Manners asks you to respect your friends’ explicit wishes, rather than throwing on them the burden of deciding whether it will insult you not to cash your check.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During a conversation regarding table manners, a relative and I disagreed on what to do if one notices a minor infraction, like someone using the wrong fork for the salad course. The relative thought we should all use the wrong fork so as to not make the other diner uncomfortable. I thought one should just pretend not to notice, and continue using the correct fork. What does Miss Manners suggest?

GENTLE READER: That all of you stop monitoring one another’s eating habits.

The person who used the salad fork for the meat course will be just fine using the meat fork for the salad course. And while etiquetteers are popularly believed to be insane on the subject of fork selection, the truth is that Miss Manners would rather indulge in conversation at the dinner table than peer at other people‘s plates.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help me out! I am often not able to remember people’s names after we have been introduced. It is a medical problem that I can’t fix, and which is not readily apparent to most people.

I had cancer some years ago, went through aggressive treatment protocols and emerged with what is commonly called “chemo brain,” a condition that impairs the short-term memory processes necessary to learn new information. I participated in a trial study at a well-regarded research facility, which tested various ways to mitigate the effects of chemo brain. All participants had to undergo a battery of tests before being accepted into the trial, so I know my problem is real, not “emotional” or due to laziness.

Please do not suggest I try the common memory tricks; I already do those, and I take notes as often as I practically can, along with carrying my smartphone everywhere.

The challenge is that I am a consultant who meets multiple new clients every week, often on chaotic worksites. I do not always have the opportunity to take notes immediately, and those short-term memories sometimes just disappear.

Please help me figure out what to say when I have forgotten someone’s name within minutes of having heard it! I know this is having a subtle, but genuine, negative effect on my career. It is beyond medical science to repair the damage at this point, so I am looking for an assist from old-fashioned manners to help me through this. I don’t like to make the people I work for feel that they are unimportant to me!

GENTLE READER: Even without a medical reason, so many people are bad at remembering names that politicians with good memories know that they can pretty much count on the vote of anyone they address by name.

The rest of us need help, and you should provide it as well as prompt it. That is, each time you ask, you also provide your own name. So if you were told the name 10 minutes ago, you say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get your name. I’m Ariela Rousseau.” And if you meet that person later, you give your name anyway, and to the inevitable protest, you reply, “Thank you, but I didn’t want to take for granted that you would remember me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is Miss Manners’ opinion on eye-rolling? Especially when accompanied by an extended sigh or tongue-clicking?

I have a sibling who has been doing this for years, and has even added a shoulder roll with head toss. It’s a mini workout of contempt -- and oh, yes, there is that finishing sneer, like a villain from a black-and-white movie.

While I do feel better for having written all this down, I would still be glad to have a professional opinion.

GENTLE READER: Were you expecting Miss Manners to say that this behavior is fine? Obviously it is not. But perhaps you want assistance, along with reassurance.

You might try exclaiming, “Marcy, are you having a seizure? I am worried that your face is making all kinds of rapid expressions. Perhaps you should see a specialist about that.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who, at least twice daily, asks me questions about work processes that she was trained on repeatedly. She has been doing the same job for three years, so why all the questions?

I try to jog her memory politely and answer diplomatically, but then she returns with more questions. Not only is it distracting, but my supervisor encourages it. How should I handle it?

GENTLE READER: By referring her back to your supervisor -- as she is the one who seems to be encouraging it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend invited me to lunch at her home, now that renovations are complete. I offered to bring a beverage. I was told beef stroganoff would be served, and that I could bring a red wine.

I shopped at my favorite wine store and purchased a $15 bottle of red that I was not familiar with. My host had had a dinner party the night before, and said our lunch would instead be sandwiches using the brisket left over from the party. Also, she offered to pour the remainder of the wine from three bottles left over from the party.

I didn’t say anything, but I would have loved to taste what I brought. Today, she told me she was enjoying the wine I brought two days ago.

Am I silly to expect to drink what I brought for the meal? Was she rude to offer a mix of assorted reds instead of what she asked me to bring to accompany the meal?

GENTLE READER: This is precisely why Miss Manners wishes everyone would stop bringing their own provisions when invited to a home for a meal. It is too confusing determining which constitute a present and which are meant to be consumed onsite.

But if everyone is going to ignore her and continue bringing things, then they must also make peace with surrendering them at the door.

Miss Manners is not unsympathetic to your wanting to pair the perfect wine with the promised meal. Clearly, you were bait-and-switched with leftovers from a party to which you were not invited. Nevertheless, $15 is a small price to pay to preserve a friendship that could be compromised if you snatched the item back.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)