DEAR MISS MANNERS: I redid my kitchen (well, had it redone). It took a long time to happen, and it was worth the wait.

I was excited when it was finished and wanted to show it off, naturally, to a woman I thought was a friend. But she never came to see it, never asked me about it, asked how I like it, etc.

She lives in the same town and we take walks occasionally. I never brought it up, but I am kind of hurt. I feel I should say something.

GENTLE READER: While it is reasonable to expect friends to show interest in each other’s accomplishments, home renovation is significantly more exciting for the homeowner than for the rest of the world.

Miss Manners therefore cautions you not to expect more enthusiasm than would be shown for a new puppy, and significantly less than is expected for a new grandchild. If the initial response is not as energetic as you hoped, it is still better to enjoy the kitchen in private than annoy a friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and I were enjoying brunch outdoors at a nice restaurant when a couple with a large dog and a baby in a stroller were seated at a nearby table.

I kept silent as the couple obliviously allowed the dog to “visit” other tables, dragging its long leash behind it. I kept silent when the couple finally grabbed the leash but still allowed the dog to walk around, creating a trip hazard for anyone walking by. I figured that with a dog and a baby, these people were doing the best they could.

However, I’m ashamed to say that I also kept silent when -- after they finished dining, but before the table was cleared -- they proceeded to change the baby’s diaper ON THE TABLE. They then got up and left, leaving the dirty diaper on the table.

This would have been revolting at any time, but even more so during a health crisis. The most I could do was commiserate with the busboy and leave a large tip, but should I have said something to the couple at the time?

GENTLE READER: Everyone has been shocked to hear of crimes committed in full view of a group of people who did not intervene, thereby allowing it to happen. But this admittedly disgusting action is not one of those times.

Half of the rudenesses that come to Miss Manners’ attention are of people who chastise perfect strangers for infractions, rather than actual crimes, confident that they are doing good. (The recipients of such unwanted attentions tell her, without exception, that the self-appointed judge/jury/executioner was wrong on the facts, but this is beside the point, and hardly possible here.)

Since it is not virtuous, but rude, to correct another person’s manners, your own behavior -- including tipping the busboy -- was beyond reproach. This is an assurance Miss Manners fears you will find of little comfort.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for more than 12 years now, engaged for most of that time. We live together, and throughout our entire relationship, have spent time with friends together.

There is one friend we’ve spent many weekends with -- celebrated graduations, birthdays, had him over for meals, etc. He has now gotten engaged to a woman I have met once; my fiance has yet to meet her.

My fiance received an invitation to their wedding addressed to him “and guest.” I am confused by this.

I understand that unmarried men typically get a plus-one to a wedding, but this is addressed right on the envelope. I feel like it completely negates a relationship that far predates the soon-to-be newlyweds’ one.

I should mention that my fiance saw “and guest” immediately and did not like that my name was not there. Is it proper not to acknowledge someone on an invitation because they didn’t take the trip down the aisle first? Am I being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Using the salutation on an envelope to critique your living arrangements is, Miss Manners suspects, too subtle for your friend. And if it was done in deference to etiquette, it is simply wrong.

The proper rule is to treat recognized couples as a social unit. What constitutes recognition may not be as clear as it once was, but it should certainly include you and your fiance: You are engaged and you are socializing as a unit.

Whether a 12-year engagement outranks a one-month engagement is not a discussion Miss Manners is prepared to entertain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been going to the same hairdresser for years, and asked her to cut my hair before my son’s wedding.

She did a terrible job. One side was an inch shorter than the other. She was on pain medication, so I tried to be understanding.

It cost me a ton to find someone who would even attempt to repair it, and I came out looking like I was being recruited for a cult. Things are still uneven, just not as much.

My longtime hairdresser lives across the street. If I go out my door, I see her. I want to find someone else. What do I say?

GENTLE READER: In response to what? No one has said anything. If she says “hello,” say “hello” back with your warmest smile. If she asks if you need a haircut, thank her and respond that you do not. If she asks where you are going for haircuts these days, tell her.

Your embarrassment in being disloyal to a professional who does her job badly is inexplicable to Miss Manners. But she is confident it will diminish if the hairdresser pushes for further explanation. You may then decide whether to wade into an explanation that you were unhappy with the service, or keep repeating that you have found someone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 22-year-old college student. To avoid having student loans, I work hard and don’t have a lot of funds left over after paying for tuition. Thus, my wardrobe is not exactly high-end. My clothes are always clean and neat, but admittedly my winter coat is showing a lot of wear and tear.

At the beginning of a recent class, my professor told the class (of 12 students) that before we began, someone had a special announcement. Another student pulled out a gift bag, and presented me with a new coat that the entire class had pitched in to buy for me.

She gave a little speech about how some are less fortunate than others, and those who are in a better position want to be a blessing. Several students and my professor were videoing the whole thing on their phones.

After turning crimson from embarrassment, I said “thank you,” then welled up with tears. I think they thought I was crying because I was so touched, but actually I was humiliated. I had never felt so ashamed in my whole life.

They were all so happy and cheering. I just wanted to run out of the classroom, but I stayed until the end of the session, then made a quick exit. I heard that several classmates posted the video on social media.

How should I respond to this? How do I thank them when I am not at all thankful for their embarrassing me? And do I have to wear this coat to class now? They, of course, will notice if I don’t. It is a nice coat, but I’m embarrassed.

GENTLE READER: We have to suppose that they meant well, but this is what Miss Manners would call selfish charity.

The coarsening of society, where solvent people are shameless about asking for money -- as presents or outright funding -- has made them insensitive to feelings of self-respect and pride. They cannot imagine that anyone wouldn’t be thrilled to get something for free.

So you must explain. This is, in fact, a class, so teaching a lesson is warranted.

They will be expecting a torrent of gratitude, so you must begin by acknowledging their good intentions. Then ask them to please take down the video, because it embarrasses you.

Then you must counter assumptions that you are being modest, and explain how you really feel. Miss Manners suggests something like this:

“I believe in charity, and I recognize your charitable motive. Thank you for worrying about me, but I am not a charity case. I am not as well-off or as well-dressed as the rest of you, but I have my pride. I hope you will understand why I cannot accept this.”

Then you could add, “I will be donating this coat to a homeless shelter, and I will do so anonymously, so as not to embarrass anyone.” Or, if you want to keep the coat: “I will be putting aside money until I am able to pay your kindness forward by donating the amount to the truly needy.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)