DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my close circle of friends and family, I am the individual with the highest income. I have no issue paying when a small group of us go out to dinner. My friends do not take advantage of my generosity.

But now I’ve had an awkward dining experience: The person I went to dinner with offered to pay, I accepted, and it became clear afterward that they had not expected me to accept.

How can I graciously accept someone else’s offer to pay, while still allowing those who feel a need to make the hollow gesture? My preference would be for them not to make the gesture at all if they were not actually comfortable paying, but I can only control my actions.

I do not want to always insist on paying, but I also do not want my less financially fortunate friends to pay for my meal if they do not want to. Thanking them for offering and then telling them it is unnecessary feels a little condescending, but is that the proper way to handle this? I am honestly at a loss.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not, contrary to popular belief, sanction hollow gestures. Wishing someone a good day may not be as hefty as working for world peace, and blessing someone who sneezes may not have liturgical significance. But both should be meant, if not deeply felt.

Offering to pay for the meal means something, and not because it involves money, but because it is a way of showing hospitality. If your friend did not intend to do that, then he should have kept silent. Certainly he should not expect you to have inferred his insincere intent. If he wants to reciprocate your generosity, he can do so at less cost, perhaps by inviting you to some other activity.

If you do not want to burden him with this expense, then offer to pay for it, to split the cost or to go to a less expensive establishment. But don’t give him credit for something he was not prepared to do, or feel bad for taking him at his word.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter’s father and I split when she was just over a year old and have had almost no contact over the last 30 years. He and his family (whom I have never met) will be here for her wedding. There are no planned activities other than the ceremony, mostly due to COVID. What can I do to make the wedding a bit less awkward?

GENTLE READER: Although you will not often hear her say this, Miss Manners hopes that on this day, you will defer to the bride. That means suspending your feelings about your ex and, if not being effusive with him -- likely too much to ask -- then striving for something more than merely civil.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be getting married later this year (assuming it’s safe to do so, given COVID). I have some relatives in my grandparents’ home country I would love to include. We rarely see each other, and there is a language barrier, but we have warm feelings and shared history.

However, they are rural farmers, and while they do well for the area, they are not wealthy by American standards. For perspective, while we’ve happily been able to send them small sums over the years as gifts, a single plane ticket would cost 10 times what we’ve ever given. So subsidizing their attendance isn’t possible.

I would love to somehow tell them that this is an occasion I wish they could take part in. Is there any version of, “You’d be welcome if it were possible, but I know it’s not, so please don’t feel any pressure. This is merely symbolic” that could be included with an invitation?

I don’t want to embarrass them by putting them in a position where they feel obligated to spend money they don’t have, nor do I want to hurt their pride by referring to their financial situation (even though there’s no shame in it at all).

They are not from a culture where receiving an invitation automatically necessitates a gift, so that is not a concern. I truly just wish they could be there, and want to tell them so without burdening them. Is there a convention for such a thing?

GENTLE READER: Is there a standard form, you ask, for: You would like them to come, but you don’t want to burden them financially; you can’t help with the cost, and they should not feel bad -- either about their financial situation or about not attending; you want them to feel included, but also to understand that you will not be hurt if they can’t attend?

Did Miss Manners miss anything? Ah, yes: You don’t speak the same language.

She does not mean to make light of your quandary, but only to point out that you are asking too much of a simple convention. If a conversation is not possible, send an invitation. Trust the relatives from the old country to figure out the rest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is driving me crazy. In the last couple of years, he has developed a habit of talking with his mouth full at the dinner table.

Aside from it being repulsive and annoying, we have two teenaged children, and I’m worried they will think this is acceptable behavior. But I don’t know how to correct him since he’s an adult, not my child.

I can barely stomach another meal with him. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Speak with him about it in private. Miss Manners appreciates your concern that the children will copy his behavior, but points out that if they do, you can correct them in the moment. They will defend themselves by pointing fingers at your husband, at which point you can agree that good manners apply to everyone in the family, and that “Your father and I will try to do better.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to my husband for 35 years, and his siblings treat our home with no respect.

We live in a modest home, by our own choice: There are just the two of us, no children, and we believe in leaving a smaller footprint. We could afford a home three times larger, but plan to stay and be as environmentally conscious as possible.

I am a professional interior designer, so our furnishings, artwork and accessories have all been selected with care, and with the effort to make our small home warm and welcoming.

Yet when the in-laws arrive, they treat our home as if we lived in a dump. They put their feet on the furniture, drop food on the carpet and make no effort to pick it up, spill wine on bedspreads (that’s another issue altogether) and leave wet glasses on wood tabletops. Then they leave when the dinner, brunch or whatever is over, with no effort or offer made to help clean up.

I don’t mind the cleanup so much, since they are not careful with dishes and have on numerous occasions thrown silverware into the trash. I would rather do it myself to avoid any broken or lost utensils.

Why would they treat our home with no respect -- or more importantly, treat us with no respect? I get frustrated and angry because my husband never says a word. He is the youngest, the fourth boy, in his large family.

I guess my question is twofold: Why the lack of respect, and why won’t my husband speak up?

GENTLE READER: Because he grew up with these people’s household habits, and therefore sees only habitual sloppiness where you see disrespect. Omitting the malicious motivation will not remove the wine stains from your bedspread -- what will? -- but removing the anger will help you deal with this situation.

You say you don’t mind cleaning up -- really? Miss Manners would think you would make that easier by covering your tables with trays or coasters and using old bedspreads. Their visits are not the time to display your interior decorating skills.

And instead of expecting your husband to speak up, couldn’t he just clean up?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a chronic knee problem that causes me to walk slowly -- not a standstill, but slow enough that when in a group, I am always left behind. I catch up when I can. It embarrasses me to be so obvious. What can I or should I say when I am left in the dust?

GENTLE READER: “Wait up, folks”?

Of course, they then forget and it happens all over again.

Miss Manners, whose dainty stature (she’s short) puts her in this position, has found it effective to wait until the others notice that she is missing -- perhaps they have even been talking to her, eyes straight ahead, and eventually wonder why she doesn’t answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)