DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are lucky enough to own a vacation house in a highly sought-after locale (think island house) and we enjoy having visitors. However, the utilities are a bit delicate. Water is limited and somewhat expensive, and our septic system can be finicky.

We try to explain the situation to family and friends, and most are absolutely great. One person, however -- part of a couple -- is completely oblivious. I chided that I might need to skip running the dishwasher one night after an outrageously long shower (we have an easy on/off switch on the showerhead), and their response was "oops."

Another year, we were presented with a stack of huge beach towels (ours are certainly adequate) "to give an indulgence" to the house. I worry about how to wash them and about our lack of storage space. Shipping them home seems silly.

Now that the COVID-19 crisis might be lifting, I'm sure the innocent half of the couple will notice a cessation to invitations compared to others in our group. (Anyway, with social media, there is no privacy.) Advice on a graceful solution?

GENTLE READER: Not inviting them back is the graceful solution.

What you need from Miss Manners is an answer when either half of the couple asks how they have offended you. The graceful response is surprise and denial, to which you can append the innocent observation that you did not think they ever felt entirely at home in your old house with its rickety heating and piping.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents, who are in their late 70s and live in Los Angeles, both have medical issues (heart conditions, arthritis and kidney problems). When shopping, they frequently use their handicap passes whenever there is a free spot.

While they do not do much shopping now, they have complained of trouble when trying to leave a parking spot. It seems that it has become the norm to use a fist to slam the back of the car of someone trying to back out of a space. I have seen rude people in parking lots do this.

My parents always look in both directions before backing up, and back up slowly. Still, I have seen someone, walking in the lot, who hurried to pass and hit the back of their car.

I was always taught that if you see a car backing up, you wait until it has finished, and then continue walking. If the driver makes eye contact and waves you along, then you can keep walking.

When someone bangs on the trunk, it scares my elderly parents to death; their hearts race and they worry about each other's medical conditions. They are not of any means to afford backup cameras on their car.

Is waiting and making eye contact no longer polite?

GENTLE READER: Waiting and making eye contact are still polite, and banging on someone's car is still not. Miss Manners makes an exception to the latter if it is necessary to prevent imminent harm -- although she is not thinking of imminent harm that the pedestrian knowingly risked by being impatient.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends and I (all male) are old-school when it comes to being seen in public.

We might meet for a happy hour, go to the horse races or meet for afternoon tea. We always dress for the occasion. Sport coats and ties in correct weights and colors are the standard attire, unless something else is required -- along with correct hats, when warranted.

We inevitably get asked if we "just came from a funeral" or if we are "going to a wedding," but our attire is incorrect for either of those events. Or we are simply asked, "Why are you dressed up?"

Replying that we like to put our best foot forward or that we like to make a good first impression puts the inquisitor on the defense when they remember that they are wearing shower shoes, an undershirt and cargo shorts in a nice public place.

We don't want to insult anyone, so what is a nice reply that won't make them feel uncomfortable?

GENTLE READER: That is kind of you, because they were trying to make you and your friends uncomfortable for outshining them. Bullying people for doing the right thing is an unfortunately common defensive ploy.

You could reply, "These are our everyday clothes. You should see us when we are dressed up."

Miss Manners leaves it up to you whether you want to add, "Is that your best look?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy a cocktail garnished with a lime wedge. I enjoy squeezing the juice into the drink before I sip. However, I don't care for the taste of the lime itself in the drink -- only the juice.

When out for drinks, there is often no plate on the table where I might place the squeezed lime. Is it wrong to place it on the table? Should I drop it into my cosmopolitan and bear the taste? Should I refrain completely from my squeezing ritual?

GENTLE READER: Crumple it in your cocktail napkin. Or hail a waitperson with the squeezed lime in your hand and a puzzled expression on your face.

Although she is pleased when people feel responsible for maintaining orderliness and cleanliness, Miss Manners is surprised at how many absolve of responsibility the very institutions that create these problems. Even, as in your case, to the extent of proposing to lessen your own enjoyment.

When you are in a restaurant or bar that has not provided something you need to go with your order, you should ask for it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my son's destination wedding, they were required to keep the guest list down to 50. My best girlfriends, who have known him most of his life, were not invited.

Should they acknowledge his wedding with a gift, even though they were not invited?

GENTLE READER: Fortunately, that is not your problem. Even had these ladies been able to attend the wedding, the decision of whether to send a present would be up to them.

But they don't seem to know that, either, so they keep asking Miss Manners whether they need to give a present when they didn't get even a slice of wedding cake in return. The response is: if they are so moved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a U.S. diplomat who has developed several severe food intolerances in middle age. I've consulted with a gastroenterologist, and while these issues don't affect my health per se, they do severely limit what I can eat.

I developed these intolerances while posted to a European country where they were relatively common, so managing my diet was fairly easy. But now I'm facing an assignment to a country where I'll be extremely limited in my dietary choices, but my obligation to entertain and be entertained will remain.

Are there any rules or points of etiquette that can help me navigate this situation?

GENTLE READER: Why the stomach must be so involved in politics as well as diplomacy, Miss Manners has never understood. But so it is. Relishing the local cuisine is considered a crucial gauge of likability, if not of honor. Love me, love the peculiar-looking thing I call a delicacy.

But Miss Manners does not want to ruin your career. So she has written you a little speech to give when dining out, or when featuring the local dishes as a host, even though you cannot eat them.

"Do you know the hardest thing about this post?" you will ask (and keep asking, as this situation arises). "The food looks and smells so wonderful -- especially the (peculiar thing of the moment) -- but I have a painful condition that won't let me enjoy it. I've argued with my doctor, and he sympathizes, but absolutely forbids me even to taste it, no matter how tempted I am."

And so on. You get the idea; you are a diplomat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I invited a couple we have known for several years to join us for a simple dinner, just the four of us. The invitation was responded to with, "We'd love to, but can we bring our dog?"

We love dogs, but aside from our finding the reply to be presumptuous, their dog jumps on the furniture and is generally ill-behaved. So I said we would prefer not, and asked them to "please just bring yourselves."

Before the dinner, my friend texted that they decided to "pass" on our invitation as they would prefer to be home with their dog. I found this to be incredibly rude and don't know how to respond to this appalling lack of manners. Am I wrong in my feelings?

GENTLE READER: Well, your friends told you that the company of their dog, which they can enjoy every other day and night, is preferable to spending an evening with you. Miss Manners would hardly think you need to know more.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a wedding we attended, the bridal couple had the first dance, and then the bride's parents danced with the couple. Is it correct for the groom to dance with his new mother-in-law first, rather than his own mother?

GENTLE READER: Are you his mother? Then Miss Manners asks you to forgive him; he could hardly spurn his new mother-in-law as she approached him on the dance floor. And she may have automatically walked up with her husband when he headed for their daughter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)