DEAR MISS MANNERS: My loving daughter and her husband have been having dinner every night with us since my wife and I have both been too ill to cook. They bring their meal to our house and share with us. They have been extremely generous and helpful during our recovery time.

My son-in-law has started an irritating habit of holding up fingers as I am talking, supposedly indicating the number of times he has heard the story I am telling. This was somewhat amusing the first time or two, but has gotten to the point where I don't want to say much of anything at the table.

How should this be handled? We love them both dearly and need and appreciate their help very much.

GENTLE READER: Appeal to your daughter: "I am afraid that I bore Rupert with my stories. Perhaps if you have heard them before, you can just gently remind me and I will start another subject."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I bring a dish to a gathering, is it proper for another guest to add seasonings to it to suit their taste? I believe it's only right to season the food you've taken, not the entire dish. Two family members are always trying to adjust the food for everyone to their specific tastes.

GENTLE READER: It is both rude and presumptuous. As the cook, you certainly seasoned your food with general tastes in mind. Miss Manners therefore advises you to keep the lid on until eating time -- or put a platter directly on the table, where people can take portions and over-salt it themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it bad manners for the host of a shower to play the games and win the prizes?

I co-hosted a baby shower at work with two of my co-workers. We played several games with small prizes. We also had a diaper raffle, and the prize was much larger -- worth more than $50. The raffle continued after the shower through the end of the day.

I was horrified and embarrassed to learn that the winner of the diaper raffle was one of my co-hosts. It never occurred to me to say the hosts should not play the games or win the prizes. I just assumed that went without saying. I feel it was very rude of her to claim her winnings and collect her prize when we were the ones who paid for it. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

GENTLE READER: Who thought that giving away money for a non-work-related event -- at work, no less -- was a good idea? Before we cast aspersions on recouping losses, Miss Manners would like to start there.

This whole event seems misguided, start to finish. If you are going to play silly games and celebrate a co-worker, fine, but please leave cash prizes out of it, especially in the workplace. Even if that was the only incentive for anyone to attend. Or, it seems, to host.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the pandemic, with restaurants limiting the number of patrons at one table, my friend would often send dinner invites to eight friends, stating that only six could be seated, so the first five people to answer "yes" could go.

I always declined, as my going would have left someone else out. Is it acceptable behavior to have this lottery system for dinner?

GENTLE READER: No, not for a dinner gathering. But it might be overlooked in the case of the most casual get-togethers among intimates -- a classification that includes, "Who wants to go out for ice cream?" and "This day is never going to end. Time for a coffee?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My longtime friend, Annie, has invited me to lunch with herself and her other longtime friend, Jenny. We've gone out three times now. At each of these three meals, Annie and Jenny ordered food together, which they shared and excluded me from.

It's uncomfortable for me, but I'd like to keep seeing them. What should I do or say?

GENTLE READER: Nothing. Miss Manners grants that their behavior is odd, and even inconsiderate, but not asking you to commingle food is a better problem to have than commingling food without asking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son has been married to a woman for almost seven years, and together they have three daughters. For the first two years, during the holidays, I sent my daughter-in-law's parents a small but nice gift basket, along with a warm note wishing them a wonderful holiday and thanking them for "co-grandparenting our granddaughters." I never received a "thank you" or any sort of acknowledgment from them.

Two years after my son and his wife married, her father passed away. Four months later, her mother remarried. This caused a lot of tension within the family, and my daughter-in-law and her siblings have had a very hard time accepting this new marriage.

I still continue to send a small token gift, and still have not received an acknowledgment. I have extended holiday dinner invitations to my daughter-in-law's mother and her husband (with my DIL's permission) because I think we should all just get along, and I would like my grandchildren to see both sets of grandparents. The invitations are accepted but then declined, usually on the day of the event.

My husband tells me to stop the gift baskets and the invitations. I know that I can't fix this mess between them, but I do not want there to be any regrets in the future. Should I stop, as my husband requested me to do?

GENTLE READER: You can have no reason for future regrets, which suggests that the remorse you wish to prevent is that of your daughter-in-law's mother.

Based on her behavior to date, there is little reason to worry about this. And as someone who is used to interacting with people who would have been happier had they heeded her advice, Miss Manners agrees with your husband that it is past time to stop holding out the olive branch.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am based in the Washington, D.C., area and must correspond with colleagues all over the world, particularly in Europe. When I log in for the day, I see correspondence from them already because of the time difference.

When I respond, should I greet them by writing "Good morning," even though it is well into their afternoon? Or should I write "Good afternoon"?

GENTLE READER: Knowing your correspondent's time zone is not enough to determine when your response will be read, which is why such greetings as "Dear Sir" and "My dearest love" date back to communications that could take months to arrive, sometimes still damp from a storm at sea.

But the question you raise is important for real-time communication across time zones. "Good afternoon" is shorthand for wishing that your recipient have a good afternoon, a sentiment that Miss Manners feels will make more sense if you adopt the time zone of the recipient.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the last three years, my adult son has made a generous contribution to a nonprofit. He then sends a card to me and to other family members, informing us that he has made this gift in our honor for Christmas.

While I am glad that he is generous, the organization isn't one that any of us are particularly interested in. My son serves on their board and believes in the mission -- great for him! I have always thought that a gift of that type is given to a cause the receiver supports.

Of course I have thanked him for this gift, and occasionally ask about how things are going with the organization. I have never made a contribution myself.

When I'm feeling snarky, I consider making a contribution "in his honor" to one of several charities I support, rather than work at finding a gift that he would enjoy, but is perfectly capable of purchasing himself. Then I feel childish!

Am I correct in thinking he is a bit misguided? Do I continue to thank him and be glad he thinks of me and is generous to his cause? Do I contribute to "my" organization in his honor and let it go?

When I have talked about this with my family, they all agree his method is not the norm, but nothing to make a fuss over. I suppose my burning question, if I am correct, is: Do I find a way to politely let him know I would rather he contribute to something I support?

GENTLE READER: Turning it into a tug-of-war over where the money goes is not a solution; it is an invitation to debate the relative merits of his nonprofit versus yours.

But you are right that his present is what Miss Manners would call thoughtless. Her solution is to tell him how happy you are that he has found a cause he is passionate about. But as it is his cause, not yours, he should, in future, make the donation in his own name. You will feel just as loved if you do not receive Christmas presents. (All of which is your speech to your son. Miss Manners is not asking you to believe that you will feel less loved sans present.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)