DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are having an argument: One group thinks it's acceptable etiquette to answer a call on your cellphone when perched on "the throne" at home, as long as you don't flush or otherwise indicate where you are.

The other group thinks that's gross, not to mention a good way to drop your phone into the bowl and drown it. If a call comes in, you should ignore it, finish what you are doing and return the call.

What does etiquette dictate in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Frankly, etiquette wants nothing to do with this situation. If it did, it would ask how it is possible to drop the telephone into something you are covering by sitting on it. But it does not, so please do not answer.

Miss Manners considers it a great advantage of etiquette that it does not notice individual behavior that does not affect other people. So if one is shouting in a public bathroom or tying up facilities that others want to use, it would be rude. But as far as the callers are concerned, if they do not know, it does not count.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you have a suggestion about what to say when someone tells you they've recently gotten divorced?

I don't mean intimate friends (because A. I would have already known it was happening, and B. I would know how they felt about it, and thus what would be appropriate to say). I mean casual acquaintances or professional contacts.

"I'm sorry to hear that; it must have been a difficult time" seems neutral but still presumptuous, and might invite unwanted conversation about the matter. All I can think of is, "I'm sorry, I didn't know that," which if nothing else is the simple truth.

Do you have any better suggestions? I have, at least, stopped asking people "and how is (spouse)?" until the person mentions them.

GENTLE READER: "I'm sorry" seemed neutral enough to Miss Manners, too, until someone replied, "If I'm happy and he's happy, what are you so sorry about?" She has therefore switched to "I wish you all the best."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my best friends died in March of 2020. Her partner didn't notify me until May of 2020, even though he had my phone number and email address. He was jealous of our friendship, so I guess that is why he didn't notify me when it happened. I was so shocked and upset I didn't ask him why.

I have had mental health problems since then, so I haven't talked to my friend's parents. Is it OK to contact her parents now, or is it too late?

GENTLE READER: Do you remember what was going on in March of 2020?

There is no expiration date for offering condolences, and surely your late friend's parents will be glad to have them. But you are less tolerant of delays. It does not strike Miss Manners as insulting that someone mourning a partner, and at a time when everyone's lives were being rattled by the spreading pandemic, should take a few weeks to deliver the news to everyone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be a dog walker, and I really like dogs. When we are out for a hike and I see someone approaching with a dog, I have the urge to say hi to the animal.

Is this impolite? I guess the normal thing is to address the person and say "Cute dog" -- but that's really not what I feel like doing. What about saying hi to both the person and the dog?

I guess I should say hi to the person first, but the dog is usually in front. Alternatively, is it weird if I tell my friend, "What a cute dog!" within hearing of the owner? I'm just kind of shy and don't want to interrupt people when they're exercising.

GENTLE READER: "Cute dog!" said -- or shouted -- to the owner in passing is perfectly fine, as long as there is no expectation that the interaction go further.

In that case, Italians, adept in the art of combining the pragmatic with the sentimental, have a phrase that we would do well to adopt: "E buono?" or "Is he good?"

Miss Manners supposes that Americans will take issue with questioning a dog's morality, but it is meant to protect the prospective petter from a precarious temperament. And not necessarily that of the dog.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When ordering a wedding present from an online registry for the daughter of an acquaintance, I specified that the gift be delivered to the bride's home, where she lives with her parents. The couple did not provide an email address for what was offered as a "gift receipt" -- which apparently allows recipients to return or exchange presents without the prices being revealed -- so I used the email address of the bride's mother.

I don't know how this "gift receipt" document was worded, but it was clearly vague enough that it misled the bride's mother into thinking the present was intended for her, not the bridal couple. She has sent me a warm thank-you.

What should I do? The mother will be embarrassed if she realizes I did not send her an expensive gift out of the blue. But the only options I can think of are pretending never to have seen the texted thank-you, letting the family sort it out when the gift arrives addressed to the couple, OR buying another of the same item and shipping it to the mother! This was an expensive mistake.

I suppose the latter is the better option, and should be considered the unfortunate price to be paid for cooperating with the lunacy of a wedding registry in the first place, but what does Miss Manners say?

GENTLE READER: Both of your proposed scenarios, Miss Manners is afraid, will surely alert the mother of her mistake. But one is at the greater expense to you.

Perhaps you may reply instead, "I hope that you will all enjoy the 'His and Hers' cashmere bathrobes while Tabatha is still staying there, but this particular set was intended for her and Marshall. I would be happy to procure some for you and Howard, though, for another occasion."

It is unlikely that she will agree to this, but if she does, at least you will be able to check those two off of your list with something that you know will please them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I inform someone that he cannot come to my home unless he stops wearing perfume?

Each time we invite our brother-in-law for dinner, he brings his boyfriend, who not only has bad etiquette, but also wears the most obnoxious scent. It has caused bad migraines for the rest of us.

I am about to send another dinner invite to my brother-in-law, but I really want to emphasize that he needs to tell his boyfriend not to wear perfume -- or just not bring him at all. I am unable to tell his boyfriend directly, as he barely speaks English and I don't have his contact info.

GENTLE READER: What a blessing. Because "Please don't stink up the joint" is no way to welcome a guest.

Instead, appeal to your brother-in-law with some version of, "I am afraid that I must have developed an allergy or sensitivity to strong scents -- and Francois' cologne has been exacerbating it. Is there any way for him to avoid wearing it when he comes over? We do so enjoy his company otherwise."

Failing that, you could declare that you are taking extra COVID precautions and require that masks be worn in the house -- if only, perhaps, for its occupants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My extended family has a history of division -- people not speaking to one another for years. I am guilty, too, but it's a multigenerational pattern I'd like to end in support of the next generation.

I write as we are planning our daughter's wedding. We are brimming over with joy, but there is one little burr in the saddle: One of my sisters has decided not to speak to me or our other sister.

I have just learned from a mutual friend that Silent Sister is coming to the wedding, and that is good. But I don't want Silent Sister to feel awkward, lurking about the fringes of the event like a coyote in the brush. My thought is to email ALL family members, including Silent Sister, asking them to volunteer for enjoyable tasks at the wedding, such as decorating the donkey with flowers or feeding the longhorns so they show up for the photographer.

My worry is that she'll attempt to create further drama rather than rising to the occasion. Do I let her isolate as she has chosen, or welcome her into the joy of this occasion? I want the focus to be on my daughter.

GENTLE READER: If donkeys and longhorns are involved, your daughter can give up all hope of being the focus. She will most certainly be upstaged.

Miss Manners therefore recommends that you focus, as you have been, on including your (perhaps undeserving) sister. Assigning tasks is not likely to accomplish this. If she is set on making a scene, it will be of her own doing.

Luckily, unless she chooses to prowl in the woods during the wedding, she is unlikely to upstage the animals.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)