DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dilemma stems from being new in a small office where tight bonds have already been formed, and new people are understandably on the fringe for a while. The problem relates to a small baby shower being thrown for a lovely young mother who is a delight to know.

The words "baby shower" had been tossed around quite a bit my second week, but as a new staff member, I felt hesitant to inquire further unless addressed directly, which I was not.

That was all fine until they had the "surprise" baby shower at the office, and I just stood there empty-handed.

I understand and completely agree with your take that this is why business and friendship do not go hand-in-hand, but within my community, it's apparently become a cultural thing. And with such a small company and office, things are not likely to change. Unfortunately, this is just one example of a stream of undesirable behavior on the part of key office "players."

Other than this drama, I actually love my new job. The company is excellent in many ways, has a stellar reputation and is known for taking good care of employees. I can see myself growing and thriving with this company in other capacities, and don't want to throw away a wonderful opportunity for career growth because of petty office politics.

Is it possible to survive and/or thrive with such tricky office dynamics, particularly as it pertains to finding greener pastures within this company in the future?

GENTLE READER: Let us fast-forward to a time when you have risen in this office and are in a position to welcome newcomers.

Do you tell the new employee, "We're having a shower for Tanya tomorrow -- she's that nice lady over there; I'll introduce you -- so you might want to bring a present"?

Miss Manners hopes not. Actually, she hopes that if you achieve a position of authority, you will act on your agreement that business and social lives should be kept separate. But that's for another time.

For now it would help to stop thinking of the existing situation as petty and tricky, even if you have more convincing examples. If you are cheerful and helpful as you go about your work, the time will surely come when you are asked to arrange the baby shower.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I admire that a close friend's child has graduated college, I do not feel compelled to send them the cash gifts they request. Am I wrong? I am sending a card of congratulations. Is that enough?

GENTLE READER: Congratulations are exactly what is required. Requests for money are outrageous and should be ignored.

But Miss Manners is only too aware that the same people who consider the mere announcement to be a money-grab often fail to respond at all, which is also callous.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand and observe the rule that one should wait for everyone at the table to be served before one starts eating, unless the not-yet-served parties demur and urge others to eat.

Is it also considered necessary to wait until others have photographed their meal and posted it to social media?

This issue arises for me not in restaurants, but at home. My husband and I split cooking duties, so we each cook on different nights. He tends to make elaborate, time-consuming spreads, of which he is justifiably proud. So he shares photos of the plated results on social media, along with a paragraph of explanation about the ingredients and preparation.

Meanwhile, I sit hungrily watching my food grow cold. He considers it impolite if I start eating before he is also ready to pick up his fork or chopsticks.

I believe that once we are both served, it is up to each person to decide how to proceed -- whether to dive into the meal or to conduct a photo shoot.

I have observed that this behavior occurs in restaurants as well, even though those posting are merely consuming the meal and did not produce it. I hungrily await your judgment.

GENTLE READER: It will be in your favor. Miss Manners hereby declares that photographing a meal constitutes consuming it, in the sense of feeding on its aesthetic. You may begin to eat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As much as I love to write and receive handwritten letters, I have become so busy I have begun to use websites that send e-cards rather than just not sending anything. I sent a sympathy e-card to a 20-something, figuring he was too young to remember when snail mail was the norm.

I did feel terribly guilty for being so lazy. Would you say it is in terribly bad taste to send a sympathy e-card?

GENTLE READER: Your repeated use of the word "terribly" leads Miss Manners to believe that you are exaggerating in the hope of being excused on the grounds of feeling anguish at deviating from the proper standard. Or that you are trying to make Miss Manners look silly for considering this to be a serious infraction.

No, it is just what you say it is: a quick way of registering sympathy without the trouble of offering personal comfort by writing about what the deceased person meant to you. If you really felt terrible about tossing this off, you wouldn't grudge the extra few minutes it takes to write.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As the mother of the bride, I understand that it is my place to host the bridal shower. That said, what other etiquette is associated with this role, and when do I involve the bridesmaids and maid of honor?

GENTLE READER: Such matters need not trouble you, as you have been misinformed about the basic premise. Miss Manners reassures you that it is not the place of the bride's mother to give her daughter a shower, but only to be appreciative if the bride's friends decide to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who continually brings a potted flower whenever she comes to visit. Although I very much welcome her visits, I have a difficult time caring for plants and I end up struggling to keep them alive -- a struggle that I would like to avoid.

The truth of the matter is that a gift of any type is unnecessary. Is there a courteous way of telling my friend, without hurting her feelings, that I do not want plants, and that anything else -- or nothing at all -- would be perfectly fine?

GENTLE READER: Show her your dead plant. "I am afraid that I am hopeless when it comes to taking care of these. I wouldn't want our visits to be marred by blood on our mutual hands."

If this inadvertently results in getting a lesson in plant care, well, you can thank Miss Manners for that later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At work, a graphic design position opened up and I mentioned it to a young person I knew, suggesting that she apply. She was studying that field in her college courses, and the position would help start her career. She got the job. We became "Work Friends" and things went well.

Later, when my daughter was getting married and wanted to have someone design her invitations, I suggested my young Work Friend. The design was lovely, my daughter paid her for the invitations and I thought that was that.

But a couple weeks or so before the ceremony, Work Friend told me that she wanted me to get her and her husband invitations to the wedding. She really wanted to go to the ceremony.

I was taken aback by this request for these reasons: My daughter had only hired her to do a job; my daughter had not invited Work Friend and had never even suggested to me that she wanted to; and my daughter had never met Work Friend before the meeting about the invitations. Along with those things, it was my daughter's wedding, and it wasn't my place to weigh in on who was invited.

I gently stumbled around a bit, talking about how she was hired to do a job, professional relationships versus personal, etc., and did not comply with her request. I only mentioned it to my daughter after the wedding, and she agreed with me that the request was odd.

I felt like Work Friend seriously overstepped her bounds in asking me to do this, and in the hurt feelings she displayed afterward. She became less of a friend and more just a co-worker. I was left feeling that she really had expected me to step in and make that request (demand?) of my daughter. What could I have done better?

GENTLE READER: Clearly Work Friend was rude to try to procure an invitation, so your stumbling was warranted. But in her mind, your explanation was rubbing in the fact that Work Friend was not actually Real Friend. And that is why she was insulted.

To lessen the offense, Miss Manners might have suggested instead: "I am afraid it is an intimate wedding." Notice the word "intimate" is used and not "small," since it is likely that Work Friend knew exactly how many people were invited -- if not from the work order, then from the phrasing of the invitation.

"Intimate" implies that only guests who intimately know the couple were included -- as subjective as that criterion might be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)