DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been living life for other people for the last 20-something years. I've decided to take a risk and sell everything to move to a bigger city. I've always taken care of my family and friends, but I'm doing this for me.

While I do have friends and support in the new city, I haven't told anyone here. Am I required to let my family and friends here know I am moving? I know if I tell them, they will convince me to stay. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Without knowing the particulars of the relationships you are fleeing, Miss Manners cannot give more than general advice: Telling distant friends and relations your new address only after you unpack in the new city is perfectly acceptable. Spouses, dependents and dogs usually deserve advance notice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suffered an injury that resulted in the necessity of several surgeries and a large cast on my hand for a period of several months (and counting).

Since my accident, I have literally not left the house a single time without at least one person asking me what happened. I find it very rude and invasive, and why would strangers want to know my medical history, anyway?

I usually respond with a terse "I had an accident" or "I injured my hand" and leave it at that. But some people then continue to press for specifics.

I am at a loss as to how to respond to their rude question without resorting to rudeness myself. "None of your business. Quit being nosy" is what I feel like saying (but wouldn't). Can Miss Manners please help me come up with a better response?

GENTLE READER: Just as you need not satisfy their curiosity at the expense of your own privacy, you are under no obligation to provide such people with variety. "I injured my hand," can be repeated, without rancor or even inflection, as many times as even the nosiest person can ask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear college friend and I text one to two times a week. When I was going through some old things, I came across a memento of our time together. I mailed it to him and, via tracking, I know that it was delivered to the correct address.

We continue to text weekly, but he has not mentioned it. This is wholly unlike him. He is always proper. I thought perhaps he was out of town when it was delivered, but it's been three weeks.

I feel uncomfortable asking him if he received a package from me. What to do?

GENTLE READER: Your discomfort cannot be because it would be unmannerly, Miss Manners' area of expertise.

"Did you get it? What did you think? Isn't it funny that I found it after all these years? Do you remember that trip?" Etiquette has no objection to your using any one of these questions -- or all four, so long as they are part of a single, breathless inquiry.

But do omit the part about checking the tracking, which, though perfectly rational, tends to raise the hairs on the back of one's neck.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have friends, a married couple, with whom we have vacationed on several occasions. We live in different states, so we don't see them that often.

This past Thanksgiving, we rented a house with them for a week. It was the week from hell. They fought constantly, trading insults; at one point, the wife was so upset that she left the restaurant right after we had all ordered food. It was a long, tense dinner at an expensive restaurant.

Her husband can be very insensitive to other people. It's usually all about him.

My dilemma is that I don't know how to tell my friend that it is no fun to go on vacations with them and that we will not be traveling with them this year. She and I have been friends for 30 years, long before our husbands were ever in the picture, and she is a treasured friend that I don't want to lose.

GENTLE READER: Your dilemma is not that you do not know how to tell your friend it is no fun vacationing with her anymore. Your dilemma is that you do not know how to get away with it -- in other words, how to do it without giving offense and possibly severing the relationship.

Let Miss Manners clear this up: You can't. But you can always turn out to be unavailable around Thanksgiving, or find alternative outings that do not include spouses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I relate to my father's third wife, now that my father has died?

My biological parents divorced when I was a small child. My father remarried, and my stepmother died in 1994. He then met Lauren when I was well into adulthood (married, and with kids of my own), so I never thought of her as a stepmother. Lauren was married previously, but never had children of her own (by choice).

My father and I were not very close, but I stayed in contact, particularly as he began to decline with dementia. They lived across the country from me, so I called every few weeks and visited two to three times a year.

Now that my father has died, Lauren seems to want more of a mother-daughter relationship with me -- meaning, she wants my help and emotional support. But I don't have that sort of feeling for her. She has quite a few friends in her town, but she "doesn't want to burden them."

When we talk on the phone, she very sweetly guilt-trips me ("Oh, how I wish you could be here to help me with this ..."). How should I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Voluntarily assuming some of the responsibilities of deceased loved ones is a good deed, without being required -- an extra credit in life, to borrow a metaphor from education.

Miss Manners puts tending to Lauren in this category -- and understands that the history you mention -- not having had this relationship with Lauren previously, nor having been close to your father -- lessens your willingness to do it. The decision of how much to do, or how little, is yours -- a fact that Lauren would do well to recognize, as any attempt to make you feel guilty should fail.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and I were talking on the phone about my upcoming visit to their house. My 4-year-old granddaughter was chattering in the background. (She's very, very verbal.) My son asked if she wanted to "say hello to Babs."

I distinctly heard her reply, "Who's Babs?" My son said, "She's my mommy and she's your grandmother."

To my surprise, I heard her say, "She's not my grandma. Bobbie is my grandma" (referring to our daughter-in-law's mother).

My son just let this stand, uncorrected. If one's son lets this sort of statement stand, is there a way for a grandparent to respond within the bounds of etiquette? Obviously, the so-called maternal grandmother advantage is at work here. Or perhaps even firmly entrenched. But how to handle this is a real puzzle.

GENTLE READER: Have you considered asking to be called "Grandma"? That should fix it in your granddaughter's mind, and incidentally give you an edge over Bobbie. Not that Miss Manners wants to encourage competition.

She gathers that for whatever reason, you have not been able to spend enough time with your granddaughter for her to remember you. But as you will soon be visiting, you should be able to remedy that.

And someone needs to explain family relationships and nomenclature to the child. Are you able to do that without seeming insulted, and without making comparisons to her relationship with the other grandmother? Perhaps by telling charming stories of your son's childhood?

If not, it would be better to ask one of her parents to explain -- while you are sitting by, looking proud to be her grandmother.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a couple goes to a fancy engagement party at a large venue, and one of them is the guest (plus-one) of the other, should the guest bring their own gift?

In this situation, I'm the mom of the groom. I've been dating a guy for over two years, and he accompanied me to my son and future daughter-in-law's posh engagement party. I gave them my own card with a substantial monetary gift. I did not sign my date’s name, assuming he would bring his own card and gift. I haven't said anything because I'm not sure what the protocol is.

Help! We have more large family events coming up.

GENTLE READER: Is he well-acquainted with this couple? Would they have invited him if he were not dating you?

Miss Manners gathers not. He seems to be attending only because he is part of a couple with the person who is invited. And couples generally give joint presents.

But that does not entitle you to send him a bill for half of that substantial monetary gift. You are the mother of the bridegroom, and he is an add-on.

So you neither had to put his name on the card, nor should you dun him for a contribution of his own, unless he is so moved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)