DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who lived in the same city I lived in for many years. Several years ago, I moved to the other side of the continent, and she now visits me once a year for seven to 10 days.

To my surprise, instead of sleeping in the bed in the guest room, she opts for the thick Persian rug on the floor. I only realized this when I cleaned the guest room upon her departure the first time. The rug smelled of body odor, so rather than launder bed linens (easy), I had to clean the rug to rid the room of the residual odor.

She says nothing to me about her sleeping preferences, but she has done this on every single visit. I don’t know how to address it, or even if I should. I don’t want to embarrass her, but cleaning the rug is time-consuming and creates unnecessary wear on the fibers. (In case you wonder if I’m sure she is sleeping there, she left her door ajar one night and I happened past it.) Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Assuming this is a dear friend you care about, inquire if there is anything amiss with the bed in the guest room -- without being too specific about why you are asking.

This will give her the opportunity to confess that the springs have all sprung, or the mattress is so soft that, once one lies down, it is impossible to get back out without calling fire and rescue.

Such an approach has the downside of being an implicit promise to correct any deficiencies -- and lacks the simplicity of swapping out the rug before her next visit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son has been dating his girlfriend for about six months. In many ways, they are compatible and good for each other. I am happy for him.

She is very sociable and has a bubbly personality, but she has the habit of answering any question posed in the room -- even if it is not directed to her. She answers the question before the person being addressed has the chance, and sometimes even interrupts the person asking the question to start answering it.

She is 24 years old, fresh out of college. Can Miss Manners please advise how I can let her know that this is not acceptable behavior? I have tried subtle, gentle hints without much success. I want to avoid awkwardness and bad feelings for my son’s sake.

GENTLE READER: Correcting her manners is not your place, even if she someday becomes your daughter-in-law. But Miss Manners will tell you how to deal with the more limited problem of what to do when she answers a question intended for yourself.

Listen with measured, if not unlimited, patience while she gives her answer. And then give yours. That this will be mildly embarrassing for your son’s girlfriend is regrettable, but if she, or your son, have the courage to point that out, you can innocently explain that the question was directed to you.

Eventually, the new girlfriend will figure it out -- just as, eventually, she will no longer be 24.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whose responsibility is it to empty pockets before pants go in the washer -- the wearer, or the laundry-doer?

I am the primary laundry-doer in my house, but I will generally just wash clothes in the state that they come to me. I don’t turn things right-side out or empty pockets. I have laundered many coins, golf tees and rocks over the years, and generally let them pass without comment. I don’t want to nag, nor do I want to dig through pockets.

The issue comes when a pen or tube of lip balm goes through the wash and ends up leaking all over the rest of the clothes.

Should I ask my husband to be more conscientious about emptying his pockets, or just do it as a part of the laundry chore?

GENTLE READER: Were the rocks unwanted passengers that found themselves in the vicinity of the golf tees? Or is your husband not the only offending household member?

Either way, the responsibility of the person benefiting from your efforts is to demonstrate gratitude by preparing their things according to your rules. Miss Manners assumes a willing compliance -- and that dirty laundry that is suspiciously heavy can be assumed not to be ready for the current load.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, along with another couple, had just been seated in a restaurant. We were reading the menu when a woman and her husband passed our table on their way out. The woman stopped, looked directly at us, and asked rather loudly, “Is someone wearing aftershave?”

I answered, “Well, I’m wearing perfume.” She actually started sniffing the air over my friend’s shoulder and asked, “What is it?” I responded with the name of the perfume.

“Yes!” the woman shouted, and then, “It stinks so much in here, I’m surprised that anybody can smell their food!” With that, she and her husband left.

I have imagined many retorts, like, “Then you must be glad you’re leaving” and “You’re so loud that I’m surprised anybody can hear themselves think.” But I said nothing. One of my friends said something like, “Then good riddance.”

While I do understand that some people dislike perfume, was that the right way to handle the situation? It was embarrassing and caused diners at nearby tables to look at us. Should I just not wear perfume in restaurants?

GENTLE READER: The woman you described has no manners, but she has impeccable timing -- as your friend no doubt realized when their rejoinder was delivered to empty air.

Miss Manners would have punctured this woman’s timing by being a less willing participant to her insult-and-run. The initial inquiry about aftershave was impertinent and, as it was delivered to the whole room, could simply have been ignored. Had she been addressed more directly, Miss Manners would have responded “I beg your pardon?” with some hauteur, then pointedly returned to her menu.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always taken the time to write short notes of condolence when I know the surviving relatives. Are they obligated to acknowledge these notes in any way?

GENTLE READER: Yes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance of mine has taken to writing poetry. It’s awful: full of unnecessarily obscure words, commonplace observations presented as profundities, tedious self-ruminations, etc.

I’ve heard enough to last me a lifetime, but whenever I encounter this individual, they announce excitedly that they’ve written a new poem and ask me if I’d like to hear it. Before I can respond, they pull out their smartphone and begin reciting.

This individual lives in my apartment building. Short of moving, what can I say or do?

GENTLE READER: Must you rule out moving? It strikes Miss Manners as a reasonable response to living in fear of surprise attacks of amateur poetry.

Failing that, she suggests that you plead having difficulty appreciating the recited poems -- as indeed you have -- and ask that they instead be submitted to you in writing so that you may enjoy them at your leisure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When all bathroom stalls are in use except for the wheelchair-accessible stall, is it OK to use that one rather than waiting for another to open?

GENTLE READER: Will you be prepared to vacate the stall instantly if someone who needs it enters the bathroom? Miss Manners doubts it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are online congratulatory messages replacing wedding cards?

We have a large, very close family that gets together for every holiday and birthday. My 30-year-old daughter and her boyfriend (now husband) have always attended every event. The family loves them, and vice versa.

A few years ago -- after a 10-year courtship -- they got married at a private ceremony far from home. We had a local reception planned for a few weeks later and sent “save the date” cards to the whole family. Unfortunately, we had to cancel the reception due to the pandemic.

My daughter only received one card and a few "congratulations" messages online. She and I were really hurt, and I was especially irritated because, over the past 40 years, I have personally hosted two showers and given 20+ wedding and baby shower gifts to family members.

Am I just being petty or old-fashioned? I just got another baby shower invitation today, and here we go.

GENTLE READER: Can you assure Miss Manners that this is about the cards themselves, and not about something that might have been slipped into a card? You moved very quickly to mentioning presents.

It is unfortunate that many people think of wedding presents as the obligatory price of admission to the event -- therefore, no event means no present, and often no reaction at all.

To answer what Miss Manners believes to be your real question: As exchanging presents is customary in your family, that tradition should not have been canceled along with the party. But what shocks her is that many seem to have failed to acknowledge the marriage at all. Whether those who did so sent informal electronic messages or used cards does not seem that important.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)