DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will be visiting London soon, and will see several theatrical productions. One play will feature a famous American actress whom we’ve never met, but who is a friend of a friend.

Our friend suggested we send a note backstage with a greeting. Is it proper to include our own contact information in the note? I don’t want to come across as a Stage Door Johnny.

GENTLE READER: Unless you arrive with a bouquet of flowers so large that you can hardly hold it, along with a foolish, lovelorn facial expression, you are unlikely to be mistaken for a Stage Door Johnny. The note that you give the stage door keeper should explain that your mutual friend urged you to get in touch and declare that the actress’ performance was superb.

You may add your contact information, but the question of meeting is likely to be settled immediately. The actress will either invite you to her dressing room, or voice utter despair that she is too exhausted to have what would have been the great pleasure of meeting you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I read, some time ago, that you are supposed to cut your food one piece at a time, eat it, then repeat. However, I pride myself on efficiency, and picking up and putting down the knife so many times seems wasteful.

Is cutting food one piece at a time the correct behavior? Or is it acceptable, for example, to cut an entire steak into bite-sized pieces, then eat it at your leisure?

GENTLE READER: What makes you think that efficiency is a virtue when it comes to eating? Is the person who can shovel the food in fastest therefore the most polite?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a new acquaintance with whom I share a couple of interests and group activities. She seems quite lonely. It’s clear she would like to be closer friends, and she reaches out multiple times a week to get together for events that I usually decline.

The problem is that when we do get together, I find her exhausting, negative, extremely critical of others’ behavior and a strain to be around.

I already limit my contact with her to the few events we both regularly attend, but do I owe her any explanation about my lack of interest in spending more time with her? Is there any way to point out the aspects of her behavior I find off-putting? Or is simply “ghosting” her overtures for more togetherness a strong enough signal?

GENTLE READER: She doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.

But seeing someone occasionally and declining to do so constantly is not ghosting. For that matter, while ghosting has a bad reputation, the alternative -- explaining why you don’t like someone -- is not exactly kind. Nor, apparently, does it motivate people to change their behavior. The targets tend to blame the critic, whom they can then add to their list of gossip subjects.

That leaves the gradual method you have been using. Unfortunately, it takes some people forever to understand. Miss Manners would allow you to help it along by saying, “My schedule is very crowded these days, but at least I’ll see you at pickleball.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a party at my house with a few friends and family members. Guest A complimented my decor and asked if she could help with prep. I assured her that my adult children were great helpers; they knew their way around the kitchen as they had grown up in this house.

She chatted with us for a while and then mingled with other guests. After dinner, Guest A (along with others) remarked that everything was beautiful and delicious; they had fun and were grateful to be invited. Later, as I cleaned up, I basked in the glow of many compliments for my party.

A few months later, I had a similar party. Guest B told me that I was doing too much, going overboard and did not need to do this or that. Several times she told me I should sit down and relax. Despite telling her I had plenty of help, she persisted until I gave her a simple task.

This task evidently required constant guidance and assurance that she was “doing it right” and “not ruining everything.” She said, “I bet you regret asking me to do this!”

Later, Guest B started clearing off the dinner table before everyone had finished eating, then pulled me away from the table with inquiries about cleaning supplies, storage containers and what to do with the items she just brought into the kitchen.

When she left, Guest B remarked that she was disappointed that I had not been able to relax and enjoy my own party.

GENTLE READER: Yes: How strange that you could not relax and enjoy yourself while she harangued you with insults thinly disguised as concern.

Criticizing a host’s household arrangements is plain rude. Miss Manners notes that people do it because their own standards are lower, so they want others to dumb things down: “Don’t be so fancy!” Claiming that this is done out of concern for the host's well-being and happiness is just as bad.

What you need to say, gently, is: "I like to do things my way in my own house. Now, can I get you a drink?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was asked to substitute at bridge for someone who said he was ill and could not play. But when I arrived at the game the next day, he was there: He had taken a place at the table and the game had just begun.

A list with my name on it as a substitute was emailed to everyone, but he claimed not to have received it (everyone else had). Should he have relinquished his seat?

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to pose a different question: Should the original players have gone about their game while ignoring the invited substitute?

Contrary to the usual dynamic, an invitation to fill in creates an obligation in the host. For example, if you answer a plea to come to a dinner party at the last minute to help entertain a difficult guest, the host owes you a different invitation -- one that shows that he values your company as well as your assistance.

Yes, the confused player should have yielded his seat to you. At the least, the host could have rotated players, leaving each person a chance to return to the snacks and chat up the dummy. Did they merely ignore you, Miss Manners hopes that you left.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent out a dinner invitation to my in-laws. My brother-in-law called my husband to confirm attendance. He added that he will be bringing his boyfriend, and will require certain food accommodations because the boyfriend was just discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago after a major organ transplant surgery.

I decided to cancel the dinner, telling my husband that it is rude and entitled to inconvenience your host. If one is that delicate that he needs special treatment, then he should stay home.

My husband says I’m being too sensitive and should just ignore the request. What does Miss Manners think?

GENTLE READER: That someone should be checking in on the boyfriend who just had a major organ transplant?!

Miss Manners has sympathy for the rampant abuse of hosts when it comes to inviting extra people and dictating menus. But she does not cancel dinners over them -- and not for legitimate excuses such as bringing an established partner and asking to accommodate his post-hospitalization diet.

Not only are you being too sensitive, you are being actively insensitive. But you may take comfort in knowing that your husband’s idea to ignore the (likely) medically necessary dietary request may actually be worse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was given a very beautiful and expensive gift, but I have no use for it and it is not my style. I do, however, have a friend whom I know would love it because she has the same expensive taste. Would it be considered rude if I regifted it to this friend?

Both friends are in my inner circle and know each other. I wouldn’t want to hurt the original giver's feelings, as she is probably the kindest soul I know. I’ve kept everything else she has given me, but this is just not something I want. I'd hate for it to go to waste when I know somebody else would love it.

Is there any proper etiquette on regifting?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette on regifting is not to get caught. The likelihood in this case is too great, and not, in Miss Manners’ opinion, worth the risk. She suggests you find another worthy recipient -- preferably someone who lives in another state or country.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law has been invited to several family functions. She attends, but then always leaves without saying goodbye. We look up, and she is gone without a word to anyone.

I think this is rude behavior. There have been some family disagreements in the past, but nothing too major. I’m starting to think she doesn’t like us and comes out of obligation.

What is your take?

GENTLE READER: Your sister-in-law’s take is probably more relevant than that of Miss Manners. She therefore suggests you say, “We were so happy to see you at Cousin Ethan’s retirement party, but you left before we got a chance to say goodbye. Is it something we said?”

At which point, she will tell you, or not. But at least she will have been put on notice ... that you noticed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)