DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to a pretty bad injury years ago, I now work a job that is 100% remote. This means many, many video meetings. Most meetings start with the “Hi, how are you?” or “Good game on Sunday, did you see it?” questions and random chitchat.

But for the past couple of weeks, topics I consider unprofessional have been brought up. Examples: A couple people discuss vaccines, and one will sarcastically ask, “Did you get your updated booster?” and the other will respond, “Not yet -- my memory chip implant hasn’t expired.” Or they'll say outright, “It’s all a gimmick.” Other times, they have brought up local-to-them politics, which quickly shifts into discussions of national politics.

How do I politely ask that these subjects not be discussed? I would ask the person who created the meeting, but they're one of my work friends and everyone knows that.

GENTLE READER: Ah, but you have not heard Miss Manners’ answer, for which a sympathetic boss will be a bonus: Tell the meeting creator the real problem, but then ask that it be dealt with by limiting the chitchat time so that you can get down to business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I went out to brunch to celebrate three single friends’ birthdays. The three of them had made these plans among themselves and then invited us after the planning, when matters of date, time and place were already set.

When the check came, my husband went to pick it up. One of the birthday celebrants said, “No, we’re all paying.” After a little back-and-forth, everybody paid an equal portion of the bill.

Yet one of the birthday celebrants was miffed, as he let us all know later, over another meal together. He said that he didn’t like having to pay for his own birthday brunch. (We are old people with even older friends, so the truth usually comes out.)

I explained that he didn’t buy his own birthday brunch: He bought brunch for Celebrant No. 1, who bought brunch for Celebrant No. 2, who bought brunch for him -- and that my husband and I paid our own way just so we could be with all of them.

Somehow this made him even more miffed, so we all dropped the subject. How should we have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Another way to think of it is that your presence in no way affected the split: In your absence, the three single friends would each have contributed one-third of the total.

But, as you must have known when you made your explanation, math was never going to improve your friend’s mood. Miss Manners, who is unimpressed that this friend's honesty won out over his civility or feelings of friendship, would have had you say, “I’m sorry you were disappointed.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will be visiting London soon, and will see several theatrical productions. One play will feature a famous American actress whom we’ve never met, but who is a friend of a friend.

Our friend suggested we send a note backstage with a greeting. Is it proper to include our own contact information in the note? I don’t want to come across as a Stage Door Johnny.

GENTLE READER: Unless you arrive with a bouquet of flowers so large that you can hardly hold it, along with a foolish, lovelorn facial expression, you are unlikely to be mistaken for a Stage Door Johnny. The note that you give the stage door keeper should explain that your mutual friend urged you to get in touch and declare that the actress’ performance was superb.

You may add your contact information, but the question of meeting is likely to be settled immediately. The actress will either invite you to her dressing room, or voice utter despair that she is too exhausted to have what would have been the great pleasure of meeting you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I read, some time ago, that you are supposed to cut your food one piece at a time, eat it, then repeat. However, I pride myself on efficiency, and picking up and putting down the knife so many times seems wasteful.

Is cutting food one piece at a time the correct behavior? Or is it acceptable, for example, to cut an entire steak into bite-sized pieces, then eat it at your leisure?

GENTLE READER: What makes you think that efficiency is a virtue when it comes to eating? Is the person who can shovel the food in fastest therefore the most polite?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a new acquaintance with whom I share a couple of interests and group activities. She seems quite lonely. It’s clear she would like to be closer friends, and she reaches out multiple times a week to get together for events that I usually decline.

The problem is that when we do get together, I find her exhausting, negative, extremely critical of others’ behavior and a strain to be around.

I already limit my contact with her to the few events we both regularly attend, but do I owe her any explanation about my lack of interest in spending more time with her? Is there any way to point out the aspects of her behavior I find off-putting? Or is simply “ghosting” her overtures for more togetherness a strong enough signal?

GENTLE READER: She doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.

But seeing someone occasionally and declining to do so constantly is not ghosting. For that matter, while ghosting has a bad reputation, the alternative -- explaining why you don’t like someone -- is not exactly kind. Nor, apparently, does it motivate people to change their behavior. The targets tend to blame the critic, whom they can then add to their list of gossip subjects.

That leaves the gradual method you have been using. Unfortunately, it takes some people forever to understand. Miss Manners would allow you to help it along by saying, “My schedule is very crowded these days, but at least I’ll see you at pickleball.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a party at my house with a few friends and family members. Guest A complimented my decor and asked if she could help with prep. I assured her that my adult children were great helpers; they knew their way around the kitchen as they had grown up in this house.

She chatted with us for a while and then mingled with other guests. After dinner, Guest A (along with others) remarked that everything was beautiful and delicious; they had fun and were grateful to be invited. Later, as I cleaned up, I basked in the glow of many compliments for my party.

A few months later, I had a similar party. Guest B told me that I was doing too much, going overboard and did not need to do this or that. Several times she told me I should sit down and relax. Despite telling her I had plenty of help, she persisted until I gave her a simple task.

This task evidently required constant guidance and assurance that she was “doing it right” and “not ruining everything.” She said, “I bet you regret asking me to do this!”

Later, Guest B started clearing off the dinner table before everyone had finished eating, then pulled me away from the table with inquiries about cleaning supplies, storage containers and what to do with the items she just brought into the kitchen.

When she left, Guest B remarked that she was disappointed that I had not been able to relax and enjoy my own party.

GENTLE READER: Yes: How strange that you could not relax and enjoy yourself while she harangued you with insults thinly disguised as concern.

Criticizing a host’s household arrangements is plain rude. Miss Manners notes that people do it because their own standards are lower, so they want others to dumb things down: “Don’t be so fancy!” Claiming that this is done out of concern for the host's well-being and happiness is just as bad.

What you need to say, gently, is: "I like to do things my way in my own house. Now, can I get you a drink?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was asked to substitute at bridge for someone who said he was ill and could not play. But when I arrived at the game the next day, he was there: He had taken a place at the table and the game had just begun.

A list with my name on it as a substitute was emailed to everyone, but he claimed not to have received it (everyone else had). Should he have relinquished his seat?

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to pose a different question: Should the original players have gone about their game while ignoring the invited substitute?

Contrary to the usual dynamic, an invitation to fill in creates an obligation in the host. For example, if you answer a plea to come to a dinner party at the last minute to help entertain a difficult guest, the host owes you a different invitation -- one that shows that he values your company as well as your assistance.

Yes, the confused player should have yielded his seat to you. At the least, the host could have rotated players, leaving each person a chance to return to the snacks and chat up the dummy. Did they merely ignore you, Miss Manners hopes that you left.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)