DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some friends who regularly host a tailgate party in the parking lot of the college football stadium near our house. We walk to the tailgate, and then go home once the game begins.

Hosting this tailgate is “their thing,” and they seem to enjoy being hosts.

Our other interactions with these friends center around our young children, and rarely involve a meal as substantial as what is offered at the tailgate.

Normally, I would think it rude to try to pay a host for the food and drink we consume. However, given that this is a regular event, and that we are not able to host an event of similar cost and effort to return the favor, would it be appropriate to offer to pay them back for our season-long party attendance?

GENTLE READER: Tell them how generous their tailgating parties are, and ask if there is any -- unspecified -- way in which you can take some of the burden off of them. When they say they are happy to host, Miss Manners recommends falling back to a dinner invitation that does not involve the children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved to a new city and am lining up new physicians for me and my family. I have noticed that several doctors introduce themselves with their titles, but address me using my first name. For example, “Hi Ann, I’m Dr. Smith.”

I don’t mind the use of my first name, but I would also assume if the doctor feels comfortable using my first name, they should feel comfortable with me using theirs.

That doesn’t seem to be the case. I tried that at my last appointment and the doctor seemed completely taken aback. Was I rude to address the doctor by first name?

GENTLE READER: Trust Miss Manners when she assures you that you would have had even more fun if you had addressed your new physician as Dr. Smith but asked that she address you as Mrs. Jones in return. In response to the shocked look on her face you could then have innocently explained that it was just a question of mutual respect.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I react when an acquaintance begins to tell me a story he has told before, and that I don’t care to hear again from start to finish?

I usually smile, gasp and interrupt him at the sentence break with a “Right!” as if he’s reminding me of the most charming anecdote I’ve ever heard.

Simply telling him I’ve heard the story before seems blunt, and pretending I’ve never heard it is a lie. I’m sure you’re in this position often and have prepared a graceful response.

GENTLE READER: Listening to a regurgitated story politely may be tedious, but calling it a lie strikes Miss Manners as overly dramatic.

It is not impolite to say, “Yes, you mentioned that!” so long as you can express it with genuine good nature, being sure to include the exclamation point.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to a pretty bad injury years ago, I now work a job that is 100% remote. This means many, many video meetings. Most meetings start with the “Hi, how are you?” or “Good game on Sunday, did you see it?” questions and random chitchat.

But for the past couple of weeks, topics I consider unprofessional have been brought up. Examples: A couple people discuss vaccines, and one will sarcastically ask, “Did you get your updated booster?” and the other will respond, “Not yet -- my memory chip implant hasn’t expired.” Or they'll say outright, “It’s all a gimmick.” Other times, they have brought up local-to-them politics, which quickly shifts into discussions of national politics.

How do I politely ask that these subjects not be discussed? I would ask the person who created the meeting, but they're one of my work friends and everyone knows that.

GENTLE READER: Ah, but you have not heard Miss Manners’ answer, for which a sympathetic boss will be a bonus: Tell the meeting creator the real problem, but then ask that it be dealt with by limiting the chitchat time so that you can get down to business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I went out to brunch to celebrate three single friends’ birthdays. The three of them had made these plans among themselves and then invited us after the planning, when matters of date, time and place were already set.

When the check came, my husband went to pick it up. One of the birthday celebrants said, “No, we’re all paying.” After a little back-and-forth, everybody paid an equal portion of the bill.

Yet one of the birthday celebrants was miffed, as he let us all know later, over another meal together. He said that he didn’t like having to pay for his own birthday brunch. (We are old people with even older friends, so the truth usually comes out.)

I explained that he didn’t buy his own birthday brunch: He bought brunch for Celebrant No. 1, who bought brunch for Celebrant No. 2, who bought brunch for him -- and that my husband and I paid our own way just so we could be with all of them.

Somehow this made him even more miffed, so we all dropped the subject. How should we have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Another way to think of it is that your presence in no way affected the split: In your absence, the three single friends would each have contributed one-third of the total.

But, as you must have known when you made your explanation, math was never going to improve your friend’s mood. Miss Manners, who is unimpressed that this friend's honesty won out over his civility or feelings of friendship, would have had you say, “I’m sorry you were disappointed.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will be visiting London soon, and will see several theatrical productions. One play will feature a famous American actress whom we’ve never met, but who is a friend of a friend.

Our friend suggested we send a note backstage with a greeting. Is it proper to include our own contact information in the note? I don’t want to come across as a Stage Door Johnny.

GENTLE READER: Unless you arrive with a bouquet of flowers so large that you can hardly hold it, along with a foolish, lovelorn facial expression, you are unlikely to be mistaken for a Stage Door Johnny. The note that you give the stage door keeper should explain that your mutual friend urged you to get in touch and declare that the actress’ performance was superb.

You may add your contact information, but the question of meeting is likely to be settled immediately. The actress will either invite you to her dressing room, or voice utter despair that she is too exhausted to have what would have been the great pleasure of meeting you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I read, some time ago, that you are supposed to cut your food one piece at a time, eat it, then repeat. However, I pride myself on efficiency, and picking up and putting down the knife so many times seems wasteful.

Is cutting food one piece at a time the correct behavior? Or is it acceptable, for example, to cut an entire steak into bite-sized pieces, then eat it at your leisure?

GENTLE READER: What makes you think that efficiency is a virtue when it comes to eating? Is the person who can shovel the food in fastest therefore the most polite?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a new acquaintance with whom I share a couple of interests and group activities. She seems quite lonely. It’s clear she would like to be closer friends, and she reaches out multiple times a week to get together for events that I usually decline.

The problem is that when we do get together, I find her exhausting, negative, extremely critical of others’ behavior and a strain to be around.

I already limit my contact with her to the few events we both regularly attend, but do I owe her any explanation about my lack of interest in spending more time with her? Is there any way to point out the aspects of her behavior I find off-putting? Or is simply “ghosting” her overtures for more togetherness a strong enough signal?

GENTLE READER: She doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.

But seeing someone occasionally and declining to do so constantly is not ghosting. For that matter, while ghosting has a bad reputation, the alternative -- explaining why you don’t like someone -- is not exactly kind. Nor, apparently, does it motivate people to change their behavior. The targets tend to blame the critic, whom they can then add to their list of gossip subjects.

That leaves the gradual method you have been using. Unfortunately, it takes some people forever to understand. Miss Manners would allow you to help it along by saying, “My schedule is very crowded these days, but at least I’ll see you at pickleball.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)