DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our local movie theater offers free refills of popcorn and drinks. My family members insist on getting these refills after every movie to take home with them.

As they get their refills, I stand back and feel embarrassed to be in their party, because I believe the refreshments are meant to be enjoyed during the film. I also worry about the already-high concession prices going up if everybody did this.

Are they acting inappropriately, or am I just being too anxious?

GENTLE READER: How very clever of your family members to notice that management did not say the refills were only for consumption on premises. The theater presumably also did not specify that the offer expired after the film, but we all know what they meant.

Miss Manners is confident that prices will continue to go up no matter what your relatives do, but she will think of them the next time she sees a wall of small print at the concessions stand.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoyed a very happy marriage for 30 years, despite the fact that his mother never liked me and did what she could to undermine our relationship.

Last month, we were vacationing in Sri Lanka when he died suddenly in his sleep. Of course I cut the trip short, but even so, it took five days for me to get home. Those days were spent complying with local legalities, arranging for him to be cremated and for his ashes to be returned to the States, and rebooking an international flight.

I was uncomfortable having people hear about his death while I was still halfway around the world, but once I was safely home, I immediately notified his family and my family. I also ran an obituary in the local newspaper.

His mother is absolutely livid with me for not telling her for five days. She wrote me a vicious email in which she called me every bad name in the book and even hinted that I may have had something to do with his demise.

Of course I am not going to respond to her, but did I do wrong by delaying the announcement? Is there a rule that says that his family was entitled to immediate notification?

GENTLE READER: There is no formula that will answer your question with a number of hours or days, just as there is no excuse for a mother-in-law sending a vicious email to a grieving widow.

But there is certainly a duty to convey such news promptly, and telling your husband’s mother should be a significantly higher priority than running an obituary. Being halfway around the world, grieving, feeling alone and overwhelmed, and perhaps also being in shock all combine to excuse some delay. However, access to technology erodes this excuse.

It is well to remember that delay is, itself, hurtful -- so much so that if past mistreatment by your mother-in-law figured in your choice not to call her sooner, that reflects poorly on you, not her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got into a spat with the head of social events at an embassy. She is annoyed that I brought my wife as a “plus one” to an embassy event to which I had been invited. It was celebrating a royal birthday.

She insisted that it was a work event -- not one for spouses to attend. I fully accept that for her, it was a work event, and I also concede that I was probably invited because of my line of business. But was I wrong to bring my wife?

GENTLE READER: As a veteran of embassy parties, Miss Manners can assure you that they are not held because ambassadors are seeking convivial company with whom to relax. Nevertheless, that is the fiction.

With all business-related social events, the idea is to create strategic goodwill for the organization the host represents. An embassy’s entertainment budget, therefore, is intended to be used to the country’s advantage, not the staff’s amusement.

But as such occasions are cloaked in the trappings of real, often lavish, social events, social manners prevail. The embassy representative did her employer a disservice by throwing off the veil and revealing the crasser situation, although you both were already aware of it. Miss Manners hopes that the country in question is not in such terrible financial shape as to be threatened by one more mouth around the hors d’oeuvres.

And you were also wrong: You knew you were invited for business reasons, not for your charm and good looks. And while couples should be invited together, by social standards, it is still not permitted to bring someone not mentioned on the invitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a certain family friend shows up, he often grimaces and says, “What’s that smell?” This happens in the car, at the house, in stores ... It’s off-putting and uncomfortable.

When asked, he can never identify the smell, but only continues to grimace and say, "I don’t know, but it’s awful," or “YOU don’t smell that?”

I dread these interactions, which feel mean-spirited, and I don’t know how to respond. It happens to me and to my kids, whether we see this person individually or as a group. When other guests are present, they are often confused about these comments, too.

How do I shut this down or disengage?

GENTLE READER: Presumably, your friend has an unusually sensitive sense of smell, if not of tact. You must put it to work. The sense of smell, that is.

Such a complaint, even if made much more discreetly, carries the obligation to identify the source. So your response should be a barrage of: “Where is it coming from? What does it smell like? No, I want to trace it. You have to help me.”

Miss Manners suggests that if there are no satisfactory answers found, you then say, “You so often have this problem, which nobody else does. Could it be something on you?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately I have noticed an increase in people saying “I appreciate you” instead of “Thank you” or “I appreciate it.”

I really don’t like it. I hear it fairly often from a co-worker, and I think she is sincere, so I just say “Thank you.”

That feels wrong, however. If I just went out of my way to help her, shouldn’t she say “Thank you” so I can say “You’re welcome”?

The other night at the theater, the people next to me were trying to figure out if the number on the shared armrest meant the seat to the left or to the right. I helped them out and got “I appreciate you,” which they certainly do not. They don’t know me at all.

GENTLE READER: Neither does Miss Manners, but she advises you to take a deep breath and relax.

Yes, it is a simple exchange: “Thank you”; “You’re welcome.” It had been drummed into everyone at those earliest birthday parties (“Say 'thank you,' dear”; “Now you say 'you’re welcome’”) to the point where it came out automatically.

Or so we thought.

Then people started replying to "thanks" with “no problem,” which (somewhat ironically) created a problem for many who were jarred by the change. Miss Manners is kept busy explaining that dismissing the act that inspired thanks is standard in many languages.

And now you are hearing “I appreciate you” replacing “thank you,” and you find it upsetting.

Truthfully, Miss Manners sympathizes; the change seems pointless. Why fool around with a convention that everyone understood and practiced? Yet language does change, and it is futile to expect otherwise.

You know perfectly well what was meant by “I appreciate you.” If it had been phrased as “I appreciate your taking the trouble to help me,” you might even have thought it graceful. Try just smiling in reply, and then watching the stage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious about your thoughts on a “money dance” at a wedding reception.

The DJ will announce the dance, in which the bride and/or groom take to the floor and dance with guests at the reception -- if the person brings them money. It seems common practice.

GENTLE READER: Renting out the bride (or bridegroom), even for short periods, does not strike Miss Manners as festive. Surely she is not the only one to think how much more money could be made on longer-term rentals.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My retired mom lives across the country and occasionally stays with my family for extended visits, often over a month. When my family is invited to an event while she is here, I hate to exclude her, but struggle to come up with a polite way to mention to our potential hosts that our party may be one more than they expected.

Do you have different advice depending on whether it is a casual gathering or a more formal event?

GENTLE READER: Here is the script for any invitation:

You: We’d love to, but my mother is staying with us, and I hate to leave her alone.

Host, option 1: Please bring her. We’d love to meet her.

Host, option 2: Sorry, another time, then.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)