DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is getting married in about six months. My husband and I told her that we would help out financially, and have contributed a significant amount thus far. She and her fiance have to cover some of the costs, as well. The groom’s parents are not contributing anything toward the reception.

My daughter doesn’t share the same etiquette as I do on certain things. She balked at our wanting to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give all of her guests a plus-one, but was reluctant to do the same for her one aunt.

She chose to have a destination wedding that’s about 90 minutes away from our city. In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me that they will only have an open bar for three hours, ending with a cash bar. We offered to pay for the additional hour, as we feel like you should provide for your guests, especially if you are asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and possibly expect them to pay for lodging for the night).

She won’t hear of it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the full evening is that the groom has one friend who might drink too much. (Just don’t invite him?)

We are feeling a lot of frustration, as she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels that she knows everything. Another relative did this to her parents: insisted that she knew everything, and then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter has told us that she won’t repeat that behavior, but she is showing all the signs of doing just that.

Am I out of touch, or out of line, in wanting to provide an open bar for the guests? I see it as a courtesy, and if we are willing to pick up the additional $7 a person, it is worth it.

GENTLE READER: Just because someone is paying for a wedding does not mean that their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners has often said. But just because they are the parents does.

Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is baffling. And her logic that the drunk friend will drink less for the one hour that he has to pay for it is even more so.

If your daughter is truly concerned about the well-being of this gentleman, then offer to close the bar and shut down the party entirely after three hours.

Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners feels fairly certain she will come around.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About two years ago, I completely and successfully left all social media behind. I also limited my texting to essential information. It has been largely a wonderful change in my life.

Still, I have friends who cannot accept that I am not looking at their posts and do not engage in lengthy conversations via text. I also have no interest in watching lengthy videos that someone sends me, or in responding to angry posts.

A few have told me that I am rude for not conforming with the modern way of engaging with others. One friendship ended because he told me I was trying to force my modes of communication (phone conversations and in-person gatherings) on him, and did not accept his. I would think being locked down during COVID would have made people want to get out more, but it seems to have had the opposite effect in my social circle.

Am I violating appropriate behavior by wanting to hear my friends’ voices and see their faces, instead of limiting our interactions to abbreviated text chats? Maybe I am trying to force them to communicate in ways I prefer.

If I am not in the wrong, is there a proper way to express my wishes without further alienating others? Maybe someone who doesn’t want to talk or meet up is not a friendship I should maintain anyway.

GENTLE READER: It will surprise no one that Miss Manners herself eschews most social media and yet somehow manages to maintain an active social life.

She has noticed (as you, no doubt, found out yourself when you quit) that despite the many arguments to the contrary, social media is not really ... social. Its communication is mostly one-sided -- which is perhaps why it is attractive to many in the first place.

Miss Manners predicts that its role as a primary means of communication will fade as people become tired of its many downsides: the exaggeration and monetization of people’s lives, the constant witnessing of parties one was not invited to, the seeking of validation in “likes” and comments, the relentless negativity, and the public shunning for saying one dumb thing one time.

Even if the argument that you would rather have an actual conversation than communicate through posts does not sway your more stubborn friends, Miss Manners encourages you to hold strong. And when making new friends, simply say: “I’m afraid that I am not on social media, but I would love to be in touch. Here is my [phone number/mailing address/any of a bazillion other contact methods]. Please use that to reach me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some people, one childhood friend in particular, seem to think I’ll be fascinated by their every health concern.

After a lifetime in health care, I very much do not want to hear these details. The occasional question, sure. But 20 increasingly queasy minutes of nonstop description? No.

Is there a polite way to interrupt these topics that they so love discussing?

GENTLE READER: “I have been out of practice for quite a while now, so I wouldn’t want to give you wrong information. You should save these intricate details for a specialist.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I obliged to dislike people my longtime partner dislikes?

On our daily dog walk in a nearby park, we often encounter a woman with a Doberman pinscher that has been aggressive toward our dog in the past (barking, snapping, pulling on its leash), although it has been behaving better recently. My partner dislikes this woman on the grounds that she does not properly control her dog, and doesn’t like it when I greet her with a simple “Good morning.”

Likewise, a woman in our neighborhood had a dog years ago that behaved aggressively toward my partner’s dog. When we encounter her on the street, my partner ignores her and says I am being disloyal by not doing the same. (My usual greeting is a neutral “hello.”)

How far should my loyalty to my partner go?

GENTLE READER: The support of a partner is powerful, but, as yours demonstrates, people do not always fully understand how it is supposed to work.

It is reasonable of your partner to expect you to take sides against misbehaving dog owners. A cool demeanor towards those who do not control their animals is reasonable -- though that can still include a neutral greeting.

But it is also your job to tell your partner when public behavior is wrong. Continuing to snub someone for something that, in the first case, is no longer happening, or, in the second case, happened years ago, is rude.

Your partner should be dissuaded from such behavior, rather than emulated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a fabric store/upholsterer to order curtains. While looking for fabric, a woman stopped me, told me her name was Elaine, and asked if I needed help. I said no.

After I picked a fabric, Elaine told me that she would be helping me order my curtains because she had "helped" me choose the fabric. However, my order seemed much too complicated for her to understand.

I had been helped before by another employee who is more knowledgeable, but he said that he was not supposed to help me because I was "assigned" to Elaine. But I never picked Elaine, and it’s not working with her.

Do I have any alternative other than just not buying curtains? This store is the last local place that makes curtains in my area.

GENTLE READER: Elaine wants the commission associated with your purchase -- but if you find yourself in a situation where the store has to explain this to you, she will have failed to secure it. You are not going to buy from someone who cannot fill your order.

You need to find someone with greater authority to whom you can explain that you worked with Hank previously, that Hank understood your needs, and that if you are going to purchase curtains, you will need Hank’s assistance.

Miss Manners is confident that said person will understand your meaning -- which is that without Hank’s assistance, there will be no commission, since the store will not be seeing your money.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)