DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know how I should have responded to a cashier who overstepped.

Some background: I had my second child about 15 months ago. My husband and I are not looking to have a third. I’m still breastfeeding, which makes my cycle rather unpredictable; still, I was concerned recently when I seemed to be about a week late.

I stopped to pick up a pregnancy test. At the checkout, the cashier congratulated me.

I was honest, telling her that I was hoping it was negative as I didn't want to have a third C-section at age 42. She then said that I should enjoy any life I create and that any baby is a blessing. I just nodded, paid and left.

While I would have been happy if the test had been positive, I would also have been a little flustered and stressed. We would have had to move to a bigger house, for one thing. But none of that was the cashier's business.

I felt like she was being really intrusive. What is the proper response in this situation, should it arise again?

GENTLE READER: What was that cashier thinking? "Congratulations" for what? Anyone buying a pregnancy test does not know if she is pregnant.

Miss Manners is aware that some consider personhood to begin at conception. This lady takes it a bit further, conferring congratulations on the mere possibility. And yours is not the only situation in which this cashier's "congratulations" would be inappropriate. It would be upsetting for someone hoping for a positive result, but steeling herself against disappointment, for instance.

You did not need to respond to the "congratulations" because it was impertinent. As her subsequent remarks proved, she was not thinking of you, but rather pushing an agenda. Your second reaction, merely leaving, was fine -- and should be promoted to first place, should this happen again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are each attending high school reunions this year. We each had classmates whose parents we were close to at the time, and we’re wondering how to phrase a question regarding these parents' still being alive.

How to ask about them? Or not?

GENTLE READER: You do not say what years these reunions mark, but Miss Manners gathers that it is long enough for you to presume that the parents may no longer be with us.

But as you know, any version of “Are they still alive?” is creepy. If they are, it sounds as if they have overstayed their welcome, and if they are not, it sounds as if they have let you down.

Rather, Miss Manners suggests simply telling your classmates how much you liked their parents, providing examples of their kindness, if possible.

If a classmate says, “They’ll be so pleased to hear this,” they are alive. If the response is “I’m so touched to hear this,” they are not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is getting married in about six months. My husband and I told her that we would help out financially, and have contributed a significant amount thus far. She and her fiance have to cover some of the costs, as well. The groom’s parents are not contributing anything toward the reception.

My daughter doesn’t share the same etiquette as I do on certain things. She balked at our wanting to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give all of her guests a plus-one, but was reluctant to do the same for her one aunt.

She chose to have a destination wedding that’s about 90 minutes away from our city. In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me that they will only have an open bar for three hours, ending with a cash bar. We offered to pay for the additional hour, as we feel like you should provide for your guests, especially if you are asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and possibly expect them to pay for lodging for the night).

She won’t hear of it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the full evening is that the groom has one friend who might drink too much. (Just don’t invite him?)

We are feeling a lot of frustration, as she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels that she knows everything. Another relative did this to her parents: insisted that she knew everything, and then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter has told us that she won’t repeat that behavior, but she is showing all the signs of doing just that.

Am I out of touch, or out of line, in wanting to provide an open bar for the guests? I see it as a courtesy, and if we are willing to pick up the additional $7 a person, it is worth it.

GENTLE READER: Just because someone is paying for a wedding does not mean that their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners has often said. But just because they are the parents does.

Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is baffling. And her logic that the drunk friend will drink less for the one hour that he has to pay for it is even more so.

If your daughter is truly concerned about the well-being of this gentleman, then offer to close the bar and shut down the party entirely after three hours.

Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners feels fairly certain she will come around.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About two years ago, I completely and successfully left all social media behind. I also limited my texting to essential information. It has been largely a wonderful change in my life.

Still, I have friends who cannot accept that I am not looking at their posts and do not engage in lengthy conversations via text. I also have no interest in watching lengthy videos that someone sends me, or in responding to angry posts.

A few have told me that I am rude for not conforming with the modern way of engaging with others. One friendship ended because he told me I was trying to force my modes of communication (phone conversations and in-person gatherings) on him, and did not accept his. I would think being locked down during COVID would have made people want to get out more, but it seems to have had the opposite effect in my social circle.

Am I violating appropriate behavior by wanting to hear my friends’ voices and see their faces, instead of limiting our interactions to abbreviated text chats? Maybe I am trying to force them to communicate in ways I prefer.

If I am not in the wrong, is there a proper way to express my wishes without further alienating others? Maybe someone who doesn’t want to talk or meet up is not a friendship I should maintain anyway.

GENTLE READER: It will surprise no one that Miss Manners herself eschews most social media and yet somehow manages to maintain an active social life.

She has noticed (as you, no doubt, found out yourself when you quit) that despite the many arguments to the contrary, social media is not really ... social. Its communication is mostly one-sided -- which is perhaps why it is attractive to many in the first place.

Miss Manners predicts that its role as a primary means of communication will fade as people become tired of its many downsides: the exaggeration and monetization of people’s lives, the constant witnessing of parties one was not invited to, the seeking of validation in “likes” and comments, the relentless negativity, and the public shunning for saying one dumb thing one time.

Even if the argument that you would rather have an actual conversation than communicate through posts does not sway your more stubborn friends, Miss Manners encourages you to hold strong. And when making new friends, simply say: “I’m afraid that I am not on social media, but I would love to be in touch. Here is my [phone number/mailing address/any of a bazillion other contact methods]. Please use that to reach me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some people, one childhood friend in particular, seem to think I’ll be fascinated by their every health concern.

After a lifetime in health care, I very much do not want to hear these details. The occasional question, sure. But 20 increasingly queasy minutes of nonstop description? No.

Is there a polite way to interrupt these topics that they so love discussing?

GENTLE READER: “I have been out of practice for quite a while now, so I wouldn’t want to give you wrong information. You should save these intricate details for a specialist.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)