DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m trying to help a friend who has a sick 18-year-old daughter. The young lady has many serious medical issues, and the family has a lot of medical debt.

Another friend is holding a fundraising event for her and is charging a whole $10 to attend. She will raise tens and tens of dollars. Meanwhile, the girl’s mom set up an online donation page, which I sent to a couple dozen relatives and friends.

My relatives are rich -- many are millionaires. It’s been 10 days, and only three people made small donations. I’m annoyed and dumbfounded that these rich people have not donated or responded to my appeal to help my friend. I’ve never asked these people for anything, ever.

Should I send out another appeal email in a week to give them another opportunity to be kind and generous?

GENTLE READER: Your desire to help your friend is admirable. Your notion that you should have easy access to other people’s money is not.

Do your rich relatives know your friend’s daughter? If not, did you plead her case to them, while pointing out that you had never asked for anything before, and will not make a habit of it? And are you aware how often rich people are besieged with requests for money? (For that matter, everybody is. All the time.)

Yet Miss Manners hopes that everybody who is able to spare some money will use it to help others.

So rather than just hand it out to whoever asks, prudent people do some research, then decide where their money would be most effective. Therefore, they tend not to be distracted by the barrage of requests for people or causes they know nothing about.

Your friend’s daughter is likely in that category. Making a repeat appeal is more apt to annoy your targets than to inspire them to give you money -- unless it is an oh-go-away pittance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend of my daughter has invited her and a plus-one to a weekend of wedding events. My daughter’s boyfriend can’t go, and she wants me to go as her plus-one. I know this friend, but we're not close, and the venue is in a rural area 2,500 miles from us.

Is this a nonstarter? What are the rules of “plus-one”?

GENTLE READER: Plus-one is a strange modern convention that delegates to a guest the power to choose another guest.

Miss Manners understands that this might be convenient if, for example, a guest needs help to attend. It also relieves the hosts of knowing the names of the partners of friends who are close enough to be invited to their wedding.

So be it. Weddings used to be where single people met one another, often inspiring other weddings. But now it also relieves unattached guests of having to socialize with strangers, as they have brought their own dates.

Sorry for the ramble. The answer is yes, you may go.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know how I should have responded to a cashier who overstepped.

Some background: I had my second child about 15 months ago. My husband and I are not looking to have a third. I’m still breastfeeding, which makes my cycle rather unpredictable; still, I was concerned recently when I seemed to be about a week late.

I stopped to pick up a pregnancy test. At the checkout, the cashier congratulated me.

I was honest, telling her that I was hoping it was negative as I didn't want to have a third C-section at age 42. She then said that I should enjoy any life I create and that any baby is a blessing. I just nodded, paid and left.

While I would have been happy if the test had been positive, I would also have been a little flustered and stressed. We would have had to move to a bigger house, for one thing. But none of that was the cashier's business.

I felt like she was being really intrusive. What is the proper response in this situation, should it arise again?

GENTLE READER: What was that cashier thinking? "Congratulations" for what? Anyone buying a pregnancy test does not know if she is pregnant.

Miss Manners is aware that some consider personhood to begin at conception. This lady takes it a bit further, conferring congratulations on the mere possibility. And yours is not the only situation in which this cashier's "congratulations" would be inappropriate. It would be upsetting for someone hoping for a positive result, but steeling herself against disappointment, for instance.

You did not need to respond to the "congratulations" because it was impertinent. As her subsequent remarks proved, she was not thinking of you, but rather pushing an agenda. Your second reaction, merely leaving, was fine -- and should be promoted to first place, should this happen again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are each attending high school reunions this year. We each had classmates whose parents we were close to at the time, and we’re wondering how to phrase a question regarding these parents' still being alive.

How to ask about them? Or not?

GENTLE READER: You do not say what years these reunions mark, but Miss Manners gathers that it is long enough for you to presume that the parents may no longer be with us.

But as you know, any version of “Are they still alive?” is creepy. If they are, it sounds as if they have overstayed their welcome, and if they are not, it sounds as if they have let you down.

Rather, Miss Manners suggests simply telling your classmates how much you liked their parents, providing examples of their kindness, if possible.

If a classmate says, “They’ll be so pleased to hear this,” they are alive. If the response is “I’m so touched to hear this,” they are not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is getting married in about six months. My husband and I told her that we would help out financially, and have contributed a significant amount thus far. She and her fiance have to cover some of the costs, as well. The groom’s parents are not contributing anything toward the reception.

My daughter doesn’t share the same etiquette as I do on certain things. She balked at our wanting to invite seven friends, but then I found out that she invited about 40 more guests than originally planned. She will give all of her guests a plus-one, but was reluctant to do the same for her one aunt.

She chose to have a destination wedding that’s about 90 minutes away from our city. In our area, wedding receptions include an open bar, but she told me that they will only have an open bar for three hours, ending with a cash bar. We offered to pay for the additional hour, as we feel like you should provide for your guests, especially if you are asking people to travel out of town for your wedding (and possibly expect them to pay for lodging for the night).

She won’t hear of it. Their logic for not having an open bar for the full evening is that the groom has one friend who might drink too much. (Just don’t invite him?)

We are feeling a lot of frustration, as she doesn’t accept any suggestions from us and feels that she knows everything. Another relative did this to her parents: insisted that she knew everything, and then ran out of wine right after dinner. Our daughter has told us that she won’t repeat that behavior, but she is showing all the signs of doing just that.

Am I out of touch, or out of line, in wanting to provide an open bar for the guests? I see it as a courtesy, and if we are willing to pick up the additional $7 a person, it is worth it.

GENTLE READER: Just because someone is paying for a wedding does not mean that their decisions should dominate, Miss Manners has often said. But just because they are the parents does.

Your daughter’s rejection of your generosity is baffling. And her logic that the drunk friend will drink less for the one hour that he has to pay for it is even more so.

If your daughter is truly concerned about the well-being of this gentleman, then offer to close the bar and shut down the party entirely after three hours.

Faced with the prospect of ending the festivities early, Miss Manners feels fairly certain she will come around.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)