DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to frequent a coffee shop in the suburbs, where I would work on my laptop for a couple of hours before catching a train to the city. One day, as I was working, a man asked me to keep an eye on his laptop while he took a phone call outside.

I agreed, as my train would not depart for another 30 minutes and I assumed the call would be short. As the departure time got closer, the man was nowhere to be found, and his laptop still sat on the counter unattended.

I packed up my things and left to catch my train. It felt wrong to inconvenience another customer or employee by passing along the request to watch the laptop for an indefinite amount of time, but I know that I could have done better. What should I have done instead?

GENTLE READER: These days, unfortunately, one can no longer assume that the worst thing that will happen if a stranger leaves you holding a package is that they will not return before you have to catch your train.

It is therefore reasonable to add this to the growing list of things one never agrees to do, starting with accepting candy from strangers.

But Miss Manners can refuse anything graciously. In this case, she would have declined with an apology, explaining that she herself would be leaving to catch her train.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been invited to a wedding that begins at 3:30 p.m. on a Thursday. We are thrilled for the couple.

However, I feel we should decline, as the bride and groom are sending a message -- with their choice of a midweek afternoon ceremony -- that they would prefer to have a small turnout. I believe we should say no, but send a thoughtful note and gift.

My husband feels that we should both take the day off from work and attend, and that declining would be punishing the couple for staying within their limited financial resources. Who is right?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps neither. The midweek scheduling might have nothing to do with the wedding budget. And even if the happy couple is economizing, Miss Manners notes that they meant to include you.

The problem with reading between the lines is that the print is so small. The safest assumption, when one receives an invitation, is that it means the host desires the pleasure of your company.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go canoeing with several other retirees. One member of our group has a habit of squatting in the river to urinate instead of going behind a bush and dropping her drawers.

I don’t think she should assume that it is OK to ride in others’ cars in her peed-in shorts at the end of the day. She maintains that when she gets in the water, the river washes her shorts “as well as your washing machine.”

Do you have any thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: Only that Miss Manners will be taking the bus home, thank you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past four years, my wife and I have hosted a New Year's Eve family party at our home. Adults occupy the upstairs, and children (roughly ages 8-13) enjoy themselves in the basement, with frequent parental supervision.

The party now attracts nearly 100 adults and children. Everyone tells us they have a great time and they appreciate not having to sit at home.

Starting last year, though, many of the parents of our older daughter’s friends (she is 12) decided to drop their kids off and go out for the evening, rather than joining the party themselves, as they had done each year prior. So, we have ended up providing free babysitting for about 20 tweens, which can be quite a challenge.

We feel we’re being taken advantage of, but we don’t want our kids to miss out on the fun with their friends, and we truly enjoy the time we spent with their parents.

How can we politely inform people that we expect they will stay at the party with their children, rather than using us to save $100 or more on babysitting fees for the evening?

GENTLE READER: Who has been doing the parental supervision of this basement full of children? You? Miss Manners will offer you some help, although -- sorry! -- she does not plan to be in your basement on New Year’s Eve.

Before the party, make and distribute a schedule for parents to take turns checking in on the children. Those who have left early in the past -- or even dropped off their kids and fled -- should be assigned slots near midnight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over Thanksgiving, a relative brought a recovering alcoholic (several years sober) as a guest. He brought a bottle of grape juice as his beverage for the evening, in lieu of wine.

As we were serving drinks, my spouse and I debated how to serve the juice: in a wine glass, or in a stemless drinking vessel? I felt the wine glass was more appropriate to help the guest fit in with those who were drinking wine, but my spouse worried that the alcohol-related stemware might be a trigger of sorts.

My research since then has turned up no counsel. Since I expect we’ll see this guest again around Christmastime, we could use some advice!

GENTLE READER: Your spouse has remarkably little faith in this guest if they think several years of sobriety will be undone by the wrong choice of glass for their grape juice.

Not drinking alcohol -- for whatever reason -- tends to trigger rudeness in people who do drink. They try to tease or bully the abstainer into drinking, or they ask a lot of nosy questions, as if alcohol were the staff of life. Perhaps some consider it as such.

If you want to spare a nondrinking guest the possibility of such embarrassment, Miss Manners suggests that you not draw attention to who is drinking what by issuing a special glass.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last two years, I have been making incremental changes to lead a more eco-friendly lifestyle. Is it rude to give eco-friendly or reusable products to family and friends?

For example, my sister started a new job and I would like to give her a set of reusable utensils to eat her lunch with, rather than relying on her employer’s disposable plastic utensils. Is that OK? And for acquaintances, would goodie bags of, say, bamboo toothbrushes with powdered tooth soap be considered “too personal”?

I want to give gifts that align with my values without intruding on anyone's freedom to choose whatever products suit their lifestyles. How do I toe that line?

GENTLE READER: That is an excellent distinction to consider. Miss Manners has another: Are you considering presents that you believe the recipients will appreciate and enjoy, or is your motive to prod them into making changes they have no particular desire to make?

Presumably, those close to you know about your interest in achieving a more eco-friendly lifestyle. You seem tactful enough to have shared your beliefs without resorting to the popular -- and generally ineffective -- technique of shaming others. You will have been alert to any interest, ready to offer encouragement and advice.

But to give presents intended to satisfy you, without regard to pleasing them, violates the spirit of giving. Surely you can find items that respect your aims but do not bludgeon others into using -- or wasting -- them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young couple moved in next door. When they get mail addressed to the former occupant, they don’t contact her, even though she lives in the same small town (and runs a store here).

One recent package contained some marketing materials she had ordered from me, which I mistakenly sent to her old address. When we figured out the problem, I texted my new neighbor, and he then left the package on my porch. But he had had it for three weeks without doing anything about it.

When these neighbors are on their deck and my husband goes into his vegetable garden nearby, they immediately go inside. What’s wrong with these people?

GENTLE READER: Maybe they are on their honeymoon. Maybe they are on the lam. Who knows? But they do not have to socialize with you.

In any case, they do not want to be good neighbors, which is their privilege -- up to a point. Retaining someone else’s mail was beyond that point. Miss Manners hopes that the post office will be more responsive when your former neighbor requests her mail forwarded.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How common is it to address married women as “Mrs. John Doe” in the U.S., in 2024?

GENTLE READER: Not very. But Miss Manners reminds you that wives and widows who prefer to retain that long-traditional style should not be jarred into changing for the sake of consistency.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)